Om Sai Ram.
I want to confess to my Baba of something that I did not know was wrong or sinful. I joined an institution four years back for a two year fellowship. I had to work on a research project during my stay at that place. I had gone there with a project that I had already worked on for many years (around eight years). I thought that in my two years of fellowship I would polish my script and then get that published outside the institute. At the time of my admission, the officer who was in-charge of the publications at the institute told me that I could indeed publish with a publisher outside the institute. While working on my project there I was given a monthly stipend and a furnished accommodation by the institute. I availed of their library facilities and other resources. The institute treated its fellows very well. So I thought of giving them my script as a token of my gratitude at the end of my tenure. They would either keep that script/research report as such or get it published under their banner. In the second year I discovered that the institute did not care to publish a lot of reports that were submitted to them by others. I saw those files gathering dust in one of the cupboards by chance once. A few senior fellows told me that it would be better not to give the report to the institute, and get it published elsewhere. I was without a job at that time, and publishing the research with a reputed press was absolutely necessary for me. The institute had affiliation with some reputed publishers. But, my script had to go through the institute to the publisher. I was doubtful that the staff would do justice to my script, and would let it gather dust on its shelves for years. I was under pressure of time, as finding a job was absolutely crucial for my survival. When I approached the publishing house with my script, they asked me to get a no-objection certificate (NOC) from the institute where I was a fellow. Only then would they publish it. I requested the institute to give me an NOC on exceptional grounds, as my case was really justified. They refused to do so. Then I gave it in writing that I would pay back all the money that they had spent on me to get the NOC. I had saved some amount and wanted to borrow from my family to pay them back for their stipend and facilities. They declined that request also. One sympathetic administrative officer at the institute gave me an advice when I was desperate. He suggested that I leave the institute without giving them the script. I left the institute without anyone's knowledge. At that time I felt that I had to save the work of many years, and the script was like my child that I had to protect from oblivion. I hated to leave like a thief, but the institute had left no option open for me. By funding me for two years, they were claiming my labor of around ten years. That seemed unfair to me. After my sudden disappearance the institute sent me many emails demanding the script. And I did not respond to their notices. In the meantime, I got a job without any publication (by Baba's grace). After that I tried many publishers to get the script published, but they all said a "No" for vague reasons. I have been trying various presses for the last two years, but they give one or the other reason for not publishing it. I revised and polished the script in light of the comments of one publisher who wanted to consider it after revision. Recently, I found that that editor who could help me has left her job at that press! I think that this is happening because of my karma. The fact that I did not give the script to the institute that funded me for two years may have gone against me in Baba's eyes. I really had no other option at that time. I'm not sure whether I am being punished for that act, or is it that the favorable time has yet not arrived? I do not understand how to seek Baba's forgiveness and help. I have been praying hard to Baba, but nothing is working for the script. I would give up, but it pains to see the labor of more than a decade go down the drain. Forgive me Sai Baba. I did what I did because you inspired me to do so at that time. Please show me the right way, Baba. Bless me and give your approval to the script.
Jai Sai Ram.