I HAVE LOST

[saicharandhool]

Saisanji..You are right insaan ko ek had tak efforts dene chahiye isse zyada karoonga to it will be like forcing..I have done my best and I have told her that if she wants to call me she can but I will not..I will always love her but wont express as I dnt want to force anything..Bas I am fully drained jitna kuch tha bata diya..being a guy I have been crying almost everyday..I have changed so many things..I have prayed...I have apologized I met her I opened my heart out..gave her all my love but if stil she feels that my mistakes were mor bigger than what can I do..Nobody will be happy as she loves but then what I can say..jo baba ka hukum.

[saisan]

ya charan ji,
leave on baba's feet .....vo jarror lakar denge unko aap ke paas...........baba bless you soon
om sai ram reham baba ... daya karo ...unite them soon
om sai om sai om sai om sai om sai om sai om sai om sai om sai om sai om sai om sai om sai om sai

[saicharandhool]

I am in a vulnarable position..I cant leave her and she is not ready to bury the grudges..whatever I say is either misunderstood or misinterpreted..Maybe I dont know how to express myself..More I try to bridge the gap it is increasing..Baba, Show me the way.

[gunj]

om sai ram manishji

kya hua aapka post padha,pichle kahi dino se main khud bhi pareshan thi,,aap kyu life mein aas chod rahe ho.
kya  ho raha hai apke saath .kuch acha hoga uske piche sai hai apke saath.

om sai ram

[saicharandhool]

OM sai ram Gunj,

Main bas thak gaya hoon life ke har aspect mein haar raha hoon..Main bahut expressive hoon aur meri baaton ka ya to galat matlab nikala jaa raha hai ya phir unhe samjha nahi jaa raha...I am just very confused aisa lagta hai sab chod doon kisi se baat hi na karoon sivay apne sai ke...Aap ko kya hua? kya uske ghar pe koi baat hui?

[saicharandhool]

Saisanji..How r things with you?

[gunj]

om sai ram

manishji
baat nahi hui hai,bus mere aur uske bich mein problem hogai thi par kal usse mili main kalyan jaake now evrthng is fine,

u tell what happen too u y u talking like ths,
kya hua tell me briefly pls

[saicharandhool]

Gunj, Hum pichle dus din se baat kar rahe they jahan wahan woh sirf sunti hai bolti bahut kam hai aur agar main na boloon to kehti theek hai main rakhti hoon..Kabhi kabhi baaton mein aisa kuch keh jaati hai ki hurt hota hai jaise ki woh kabhi meri apni thi hi nahi..Phir bhi maine koshsish ki theek se bat karoon..Mujhe yehi samaj nahi aata ki main kaise baat karoon..dost ki tarah, kish had tak apne ko rokoon..call karoon nahi karoon..Us din raat baat karte waqt I got emotional and I started crying and I told her that I will call back after which she wrote me " I am sorry for everything that I have done to you..You are special for me and your family..Dont loose hope in life..Sorry for being blunt at times but I am going though pain " we spoke after that for sometime..Yesterday I asked her why she cant be with me if she loves then she said lets clear it out once for all..She said I have already spoken to my mom and all my relatives will laugh at me if we patch up again and whats the guarantee that we wont fight again and you wont abuse me again..She gave me lot of examples of past and she was right in saying that i have hurt her a lot..I just told her that I have realized,apologized,changed for you..If you will look at negatives of past then there will be many..I told her that there was a time when you hurt me but I forgived you for love's sake..Whatever bad I behaved was due to circumstances but did you try to be with me during those times..We could have sat sorted out..I am not a bad guy..atleast your love should have that much faith in me..both were in anger and b'coz of misuderstanding called it quits...Today when I love you and you also do the same then why to worry about people..If your relatives are true they wont laugh but infact support and guide you..those who laugh are not relatives..I said I can assure that I wont repeat my mistakes but being a human being I might make mistakes I am not a product with guarantee but I am honest...line got disconnected and after that in the night I told her that I am planning to get ganpati at home and if she can come..she said that in bible IDOL worship is nt prescribed so I have stopped going to church as well..I was hurt not b'coz she wouldnt do idol worship but she refused to come to my place as I thought if she wont come I want get ganpati home...I wrote a SMS " DONT LOOK FOR GOD IN GEETA,BIBLE its in us and if you break a loving heart then you are breaking temple of god" to which she replied " Even my heart is broken..Dont call me back" I wrote "whats my mistake " i called she answered and said that just b'coz I said about idol worship you got hurt I said its not about idol worship but about my feelings..I said whatever I am saying that is either being misinterpreted or always understood in wrong way...what should I do..I asked her do you want to talk to me if talking to me hurts you I wont she said I will send u mssg later but after that she did not..i called today morning and after few attempts she answered she was having lunch so I said call me when u r free but she has not called...tell me what should I think my mind is also not stable sometimes I feel the distance has increased so much that I cant bridge it alone but I dont want to leave her alone as I know she loves me but right now she is confused so am I..i am just confused about how * how much efforts should I put..I dont want to trouble her or hurt her but whatever I say somewhere hurts her..I am just very puzzled and tired

[gunj]

om sai ram manishji

aapko pata hai aapne jo unhe mgs ki ki dont serach god for in geeta or bible ,she got hurt from that and she thinks that u r the same gettng hurt by so small thnks ,she is rite sometime we misinterpretend the words of one another ,mere saath bhi hota hai mere words humesha galat matlab se le lia jate hai mer pyar ko mera acha bolna bhi bura lagt jata hai.aapko samjhana hoga unhe,aap pls uski baato ka galat matlab mat nikale,unhe kaho ki sorry apne unka galat matlab nikal lia,put more efforts,she is scared coz of the past incident,

[saicharandhool]

Haan maine sorry kahi aur clarify bhi kiya main kya kehna chahta hoon..par ab woh baat hi nahi karegi baar baar call karoonga to aisa lagega jaise main zabardasti kar raha hoon..pura dill khol ke rakh diya..insaan ko pyar,sach aur uski baaki cheeze bhi to dekhni chahiye.

[Well-wisher]

Dikhegi zaroor dikhegi. Aapka pyaar zaroor dikhega bhi aur mehsoos bhi hoga. Keep the faith strong. Sai Baba will set everything right. Sabhi ke liye kiya hai. Aapke liye bhi karenge.

Om Sai Ram

[Well-wisher]

Om Sai Ram

[Anupam]

> SPOKE TO HER AT LENGTH AND SHE HAS JUST SAID SHE WONT EVER CHANGE HER DECISION BECAUSE OF PAST THINGS AND WHAT SHE SAID TO HER PARENTS..I AM BROKEN RIGHT NOW BUT SHE WAS EXTERMELY FIRM ON HER DECISION AND FOR HER LOVE IS SECONDARY NOW EVEN THOUGH SHE LOVES ME SHE DOESNT WANT TO GET INTO COMMITMENT..I WILL NEVER ASK FROM BABA FOR MY LOVE I GAVE UP<

SAICHARANDHOOL JI SORRY TO SAY "YOU LOST NOTHING". THIS IS WHAT IS "SOFT HEARTED FEMALE". Decision based on nothing more than fatter purses.
Manishji I won't say anything to give false hopes I just pray Baba gives you the right Buddhi to see for urself. WHAT IF YOUR "LOVE" WUD HAVE LED U TO ALTER. WHAT WUD HAVE HAPPENED WHEN AFTER 1-2 YEARS OF COOING THE LIFE WUD HAVE DAWNED WITH FULL FORCE. Nothing remains static. When two people of different Samskars come together the result is devastating SAI SAVED U MAN, THANK  SAI MANY TIMES, INSTEAD OF WALLOWING IN GRIEF. Do not chase Chimeras and Mirages PLEASE.
Surrender to Sai rather than that FALSE LOVE. YOU SHUD NOW BE FIRMER.
I remember one great saying I read and it got inside me. (If it can give you some help I wud be happy)
"You broke my stars you killed my heart"
You broke my dreams you blacked me out.
You wanted to see me broken, begging and weeping
BUT I ASSURE YOU I WON'T DO ANY
I WILL SMILE, EVEN IF FAKE, I WILL COMMAND MY FEATURES TO FOLLOW
I WON'T GIVE A SATISFATION TO THEE TO SEE ME WEEP
I WILL EVEN DROWN U IN PSEUDO KINDNESS
"AND WHEN THE CHANCE ARISES WHICH IT WILL BE"
"I WILL RUTHLESSLY DO ONTO THEE WHAT U DID ONTO ME"

[Well-wisher]

May Sai heal you.

Om Sai Ram

[saicharandhool]

Anupamji, OM sai ram..I understand you might have a different prespective on my issue and I appreciate your concern for me but just to correct you she has been with me for last 2 1/2 years and I have been in financial crisis always but she never complaint about it..She knew everything well before she spoke to her parents about marriage and if she was more worried about purses she would have never approached her parents for our marriage..Infact my position is little better now then at that point of time..As a guy I have always seen we tend to blame girls most of the times but that is not true..I have seen her helpness and in last 3 days I have realized how wrongly I have behaved with her and her heart was so broken that cannot be healed and if at all it can heal it will take time..I abused her..I said many wrong things..I gave her so many complexes and after that also she is talking to me that's her greatness..I dont want anything from her now and I dont need anything from anyone..I have changed in last 3 days which is unimaginable..my emotions and expectations have died after my inner voice has conveyed that I am bad and whatever life gives me I should take it..She is struggling with her health and I just wish and pray that she gets well and gets all the happiness in the world..I have stopped troubling her now...I have decided that I will never go any temple,church ever again as I am a sinner and cant show my face to baba..I wish I would have been a better humanbeing..Take care and god bless every true person.