"Realization"
'Depression' is my middle name. i remember being depressed even as a 5 year old girl.
i used to worry about everything. i imagine the worst would happen to me and my family and friends
and get scared. i was afraid to talk about my depression to anyone else as a child because I thought
it was because i am a bad girl that i have fears and god is punishing me. When we grow up we all slowly
come out of such fears, but unfortunately it did not happen with me.
Since my childhood BABA is there in my life, but from February 1986, BABA entered into my life as
my Guru, Mata, Pita, Sakha…..…… everything. If you are thinking after that immediately my depression
started vanishing…….... NNNO ……….you are wrong. Actually it increased. i faced more and more problems.
Even my mother and close family members talked ill about me and kept me out of family. Those people
for whom i lived and breathed threw me out. Amidst this mess of life, i realized one valuable thing. i understood
the reason for my depression i have been suffering all my life. If BABA hadn’t given me these difficult times
I wouldn’t have realised this.
YES, i understood that my depression is because of my attachment to people whom i love a lot ……….more than
my life whether they are my own family members or those who entered in my life whom i believed as
“GIFT OF BABA” and I accepted happily - felt privileged. i was constantly worried for them, prayed for them,
worked for their well being and totally surrendered my life to them. And when they hurt me, doubt me,
misunderstood me for my unconditional love and care for them, ………. I was broken….broken totally.
What a FOOL, STUPID i was....
Now ...............I wake up every morning to think, pray, work and SURRENDER MY WHOLE BEING, MY LOVE,
MY EVERYTHING……….. for only one person - BABA. I know, HE would never let me down. HE would
never ignore me in the worst phase of my life and won't make fun of me. HE would never doubt me
for anything. HE would never hurt me ……..on the contrary all these years, I have been getting
abundant blessings, love and care from my BABA, but it is me, ignorantly wasted my life after the
worldly affairs. Now I understood and my mission is only to PRAY HIM, REMEMBER HIM, TALK TO HIM
WHENEVER I AM SAD and CHANT HIS HOLY SWEET NAME WHENEVER FEEL LONELY.
i pray to my BABA to give each one of us one point attachment towards HIM. BABA will take care of us
and everyone around us. All we need is to be attached to HIM ONLY.
May my BELOVED BABA be my purpose in life. NO ONE ELSE ………..NOTHING ELSE…….