Anupamji... Thank you for your kind words. I have been a horrible person before. This is not my past sins but my very present. And am such an arrogant, egoistic, selfish person... that I just don't stop even now that I realize. Taking stock of my life. I need to do hell loads of good deeds in life and don't think I'll be able to even make up for the way I've hurt so many people in my crazy phase of life. Thats why seeking forgiveness. They say if one seeks forgiveness, God forgives even the biggest of sins.
Shwji, I have not done anything for anyone. Just sharing my experience so that others don't go thru the same. I know what it feels. And my Reiki master is right. Unless she'd go thru so much she'd never be able to understand my pain and craving. N unless I went thru this I wouldn't be able to understand the pain of others. I have always had so many people loving me, blessing me, guiding me. I've had much more than any girl could even dream of having. Every opportunity. The zest, the ambition to win the world. The worlds most supportive parents and partner who'd fight with the world to let there be a simple smile on my face. Friends who loved me so much, I could count on them to come to my rescue even at 3 in the morning if needed. I ruined it ALL. Everything! I donno how. N why?
My love was & is the world to me. N one day God just decided to take him away from me... kept trying for 2yrs to save the relationship. Tried to rectify all I could. But it was too late. N with him went all else. I have done a lot in my present Baba that needs forgivance.
Please forgive me Baba. Please forgive me. Heal mom. Its not her fault. She's stuck in life. So am I. We are all in no more capacity to hide it from each other or handle it anymore Baba. I fear something will go wrong with mom or dads health.
I don't want anything Baba. My life is just stuck. Just do something. At least make me feel something Baba. Pain, anger, frustration? Anything... just anything. I don't even feel when I pray. I know You will come to my rescue. If You've done so much for me You'll surely drag me out of this too. But Baba now that I'm in my senses and taking stock of my life... I want to save the bit that I have. Help me do that.
I'm not saying I have an ambition / passion or a major dream Baba. Just take my life somewhere. Now I want to stand up and build myself again. From scratch. A new me. I don remember the person I was anymore. I need to have some identity, some thought process Baba. I don even know my fav color anymore. N I don't evn remember wht it used to be.
I have to get out of this state of mind Baba. Give me the strength to get out of this. You will. I know it. With or without him coming back into my life just give me the strength to love him, pray for him and not fall weak. I need to stand up and build myself, my relationships... at least with my parents Baba. I know it was never strong. But at least the bare minimum. I have to stand up strong Baba, for my loved ones. I have to stand up strong. And You have to hold me. You have to. And I know You will. Something... Jus anything You wish. But do something. Please forgive me Baba, I donno what to do to gain forgiveness. Please forgive me.
Topic: Please forgive me (Read 20443 times)