थोड़ा हटकर - नन्हे नन्हे चुटकुले

[tana]

Om Sai Ram~~~

The Corporate Law
 


Two guys were hiking through the jungle when they spotted a tiger that looked both hungry and fast. One of the guys reached into his pack and pulled out a pair of Nike.

His friend looked at him "Do you really think those shoes are going to make you run faster than that tiger?"

Any guesses for the answer???
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.

The answer is: "I don't have to run faster than that tiger, his friend replied. "I just have to run faster than you "."

If this was your answer then: !! Welcome to the corporate world!!


Jai Sai Ram~~~

[tana]

Om Sai Ram~~~

Jo ho gaya who ho gaya~~~
 
Jo......
Ho.... Gaya.....
Wo.... Ho.... Gaya.....
Jo.....
Hona.... Hoga....
Wo.... Hoga....
Aur .....Jo
Nahi... Hona... Hai
Wo.... Nahi.... Hoga ....
Kyunki... Jo...
Hona.... Hai...
Wo... To..
Hoga... Hi.... Hoga....
Ab... Dekhna.... Hai....
Ki.... Kya....
Hoga.....?.. .
Aur....
Kya....Nahi. ...
Hoga....
Hone.... Ko.... To...
Kuch..... Bhi.....
Hoga....
Yahi.... Sochna.... Hai....
Ki... Kya...
Hoga......?
Aur..... Kya... Hoga....
Agar...
Kuch..... Hoga.... To.....
Theek... Hoga....
Aur....
Nahi.... Hoga....
To.... Bhi...
Theek.... Hoga....
Theek... Hoga... To....
Kis... Kaaran.. Se....
Hoga....
Aur....
Kaaran... Hi....agar.. .
Theek....Nahi. .. Hoga...
To.... Kuch..
Kaisey... Theek.... Hoga.....?.. .
Ab.... Aap.... Batao.... Keh...
Aagey.....
Kya... Hoga?....
Kisi....
Aur....
Ko...
Bhejiega,... .
Acchha....
Time.... Pass....Hoga~~~~

Jai Sai Ram~~~

[Ramesh Ramnani]

JAI SAI RAM!!!

BEST JOKE COMPETITION

A Chinese walks into a bar in America late one night

and

he saw Steven Spielberg.

As he was a great fan of his movies,

he rushes over to him, and asks for his autograph.

Instead, Spielberg gives him a slap and says,

"You Chinese people bombed our Pearl Habour, get outta here."

The astonished Chinese man replied,

"It was not the Chinese who bombed your Pearl Harbour,

it was the Japanese".

"Chinese, Japanese, Taiwanese, you're all the same," replied Spielberg.

In return, the Chinese gives Spielberg a slap and says,

"You sank the Titanic, my forefathers were on that ship."

Shocked, Spielberg replies, "It was the iceberg that sank the ship, not me."

The Chinese replies,

"Iceberg, Spielberg, Carlsberg, you're all the same."

This particular joke won an award for the best joke in a competition organized in Britain and this joke was sent by an INDIAN ... !!!

OM SAI RAM!!!

[Ramesh Ramnani]

करवा चौथ

एक दिन लक्ष्मी जी से आकर,
बोले उल्लूराज
दुनियाँ पूजे तुमको सारी,
मुझको पुजवाओ आज...

मै वाहन तेरा हूँ माता,
कभी न पूजा जाता
कोई घर में टिकने न देता,
जब भी रहने जाना...

कोई ऎसा उपाय करो माँ,
जो मै भी पूजा जाऊँ
ज्यादा नही बस एक दिन तो,
उल्लू से देव कहलाऊँ...

सुन कर उल्लू जी कि बातें,
लक्ष्मी जी यों बोली
मेरे प्यारे उल्लू राजा,
बहुत हुई अब ठिठौली...

तेरा नाम सारे जग में
मुझसे भी ज्यादा आता है
कभी-२ तो अच्छे से अच्छा
उल्लू का पट्ठा कहलाता है

बात करो मत पूजन की,
तुमको एक दिन तो पूजा जाता है
दिवाली के ग्यारह दिन पहले,
दिन उल्लू पूजन का आता है...

करवा चौथ का दिन होता है
एसा महान प्यारे
इस दिन पूजे जाते हैं
दुनियाँ भर के उल्लू सारे...

[tana]

Om Sai Ram~~~

Teacher vs Ram~~~
 
 
Teacher  : Why have you come late ?
 
Ram   : Sorry sir ! I was in such a hurry that  I forgot to think of a new excuse..
 
Teacher  : Tell me the truth.
 
Ram   : Err...I came late becz of the sign
 
Teacher  : Sign... what sign
 
Ram  : The sign which said  "school ahead go slow "
 
~~~
 
Teacher  : Ram.. when all the students are sitting on the floor  why are you sitting in the table
 
Ram   : Sir... that day you adviced us to do multiplication using tables.
 
~~~
 
Teacher  : Ram... Tell a sentence using the letter " I "
 
Ram   : I is.......... .
 
Teacher  : Only, I am will come , I is will not come
 
Ram   : Then ok..I am the ninth letter of the alphabets
 
~~~
 
(during maths period)
 
Teacher   : Ram...If I give you one puppy today and another tommorow then  how much would you have
 
Ram   : Five Sir......... ....Becz I already have three at home
 
~~~
 
Teacher   : Ram... How do you spell elephant
 
Ram   : E-L-E-F-A-N- T
 
Teacher   : It is wrong
 
Ram   : But you asked me how I spell it

~~~
 
Teacher  : Ram....Yesterday I asked you to write two essays
 
Ram   : Here it is sir
 
Teacher   : One essay has been written neatly while the other has been scribled?
 
Ram   : That is because my mother's handwriting is than my father's
 
~~~
 
Teacher   : Ram... why do you always score less marks in history
 
Ram    : Because they keep on asking things which happened before I was born
 
~~~

Jai Sai Ram~~~

[tana]

Om Sai Ram~~~

SANTA Ji

Santa needed some money desperately. BantaTells him that if he prays to Shivji in a temple, his prayers would surely be answered.
So Santa goes to a Shiva temple. The temple had alarge Lord Shiva statue. Santa closes his eyes, bows his head, joins his hands and says his prayer.
 
Santa: "Ho Jee tussee itne vadde ho. Itne mahan ho.
Saannoo 100 rupayen chahiye. Kripa karo."(OH GOD I NEED 100$ PLZZ HELP ME)
 
The priest sees Santa praying. He wants to help Santa but knows that a Sikh will never accept the money. So he drops a 100-rupee note,from behind the statue, so that Santa can not see him.
 
After Santa had says his prayers, and opens his eyes.He sees the note and thinks that god has listened to his prayers. He takes the note and goes away.
 
However he is back again next day for money. Now the priest is really annoyed with Santa.
 
The Priest decides that he is not going to give any more money to Santa. He changes the big Shivji statue
with a smaller one of Ganapathi(LORD SHIV SON) that day.
 
Once again Santa goes to the prayer room. However he does not notice the difference.
Santa closes his eyes, bows his head, joins his hands and says his prayer.
 
Santa: "Ho Jee tussee itne vadde ho. Itne mahan ho. Ajj to saannoo 50 rupayen hi chahiye. Kirpa karo."
(OH GOD YOU ARE GREAT I NEED 50$ PLZZ HELP ME)
 
After that he slowly opens his eyes and does not find any money. So he lowers his demand a bit.
 
Santa: "O papa jee tussee itne vadde ho. Itne mahan ho. Asee 10 rupayen me hi kaam chala lenge. Kirpa karo jee."
 (OH GOD YOU ARE GREAT I NEED just 10$ PLZZ HELP ME)
 
Again he slowly opens his eyes and does not find any money. He slowly raises his head and now notices the small Ganapathi(LORD SHIV SON) statue. He carefully looks left andthen right, and then slowly moves a bit forward near the statue.
 
Then he whispers to the statue: "Puttar, Papa kitthe
hein ??!!
(WHERE IS YOUR DAD?)
 
Jai Sai Ram~~~

[tana]

करवा चौथ

एक दिन लक्ष्मी जी से आकर,
बोले उल्लूराज
दुनियाँ पूजे तुमको सारी,
मुझको पुजवाओ आज...

मै वाहन तेरा हूँ माता,
कभी न पूजा जाता
कोई घर में टिकने न देता,
जब भी रहने जाना...

कोई ऎसा उपाय करो माँ,
जो मै भी पूजा जाऊँ
ज्यादा नही बस एक दिन तो,
उल्लू से देव कहलाऊँ...

सुन कर उल्लू जी कि बातें,
लक्ष्मी जी यों बोली
मेरे प्यारे उल्लू राजा,
बहुत हुई अब ठिठौली...

तेरा नाम सारे जग में
मुझसे भी ज्यादा आता है
कभी-२ तो अच्छे से अच्छा
उल्लू का पट्ठा कहलाता है

बात करो मत पूजन की,
तुमको एक दिन तो पूजा जाता है
दिवाली के ग्यारह दिन पहले,
दिन उल्लू पूजन का आता है...

करवा चौथ का दिन होता है
एसा महान प्यारे
इस दिन पूजे जाते हैं
दुनियाँ भर के उल्लू सारे...

ESSAY ON " BIWI "

BIWI ek aisa prani hai , jo har ghar main paayi jaate hai.

Iska PAUSHTIK aahar PATI ka BHEJA hota hai .

KARVA-CHAUTH wale din badi maatra main dhong karte dekhe jaate hai.

Shuru main yeh praani bada accha aur meetha lagta hai.

Baad main yeh jangli billi ki tarah ho jaata hai.

Inke MAA-BAAP ki Karne ka phal inke PATI ko bhugatni padte hai.........

[tana]

Om sai Ram~~~

Chor~~~    
 
Chor 1 ghar me chori karne gaya,

tijori par likha tha

" TIJORI KO TODNE KI JARURAT NAHI,

452 No. LAGAO AUR SAMNE WALA LAAL BUTTON DABAO,

TIJORI KHUL JAYEGI " ~~~

Jaise hi button dabaya alarm baja aur police aayi.

Jate waqt chor seth se bola

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

"AAJ MERA INSANIYAT SE VISHWAS UTH GAYA "!!!!

Jai Sai Ram~~~

[Ramesh Ramnani]

जय सांई राम।।।

हर रोज एक पेग
 
एक शराबी डॉक्टर के पास गया। उसका मुआयना करने के बाद डॉक्टर बोला: 'तुम शराब पीना छोड़ दो, वर्ना मर जाओगे।'

वह गिड़गिड़ाया: 'डॉक्टर साहब, शराब के बिना भी मैं मर जाऊंगा। मुझ पर कुछ तो रहम कीजिए।'

आखिर थोड़ी-सी बहस के बाद डॉक्टर ने कहा: 'वादा करो कि मेरा कहना मानोगे और हर रोज एक पेग से ज्यादा नहीं पिओगे। एक हफ्ते के बाद आकर अपना हाल बताना।'

शराबी ने कहा: 'मैं वादा करता हूं, आप के कहने पर हर रोज एक ही पेग लिया करूंगा।'

एक हफ्ते के बाद शराबी डॉक्टर के पास आया तो नशे में धुत था। डॉक्टर ने उसे डांटा: 'मैंने तुम्हें कहा था कि दिन में एक ही पेग लेना।'

' जी डॉक्टर शाब,' शराबी बोला, 'आपकी बात मैंने मानी, उस पर अमल भी कर रहा हूं। दरअसल मैंने सात और डॉक्टरों से भी पूछा है। सबने एक-एक पेग लेने की सलाह दी है।'
 
 
अपना सांई प्यारा सांई सबसे न्यारा अपना सांई

ॐ सांई राम।।।

[Sai ka Tej]

JAI SAI RAM

 

SAI RAM

[Ramesh Ramnani]

जय सांई राम।।।

Copy--Paste
 
A well-known motivational speaker gathering the entire crowd's attention, Said, "The best     years of my life were spent in the arms of a woman who Wasn't my wife!"

The crowd was shocked!!!!!!!!

He followed up by saying, "That woman was my mother!"

The crowd burst into laughter and he gave his speech, which was well Received.

About a week later, one of the top managers who had the training decided to use that joke at his house. He tried to rehearse the joke in his head. It was a bit foggy to him.

He said loudly, "The greatest years of my life were spent in the arms of a woman who was not my wife!"
Naturally, his wife was shell shocked, murmuring.

After standing there for almost 10 seconds trying to recall the second half of the joke, the manager finally blurted out "... and I can't remember who she was !"

As expected, he got thrashing of his life time....
 
Moral: Don't copy if you can't paste..!
 
अपना सांई प्यारा सांई सबसे न्यारा अपना सांई

ॐ सांई राम।।।

[Ramesh Ramnani]

जय सांई राम़।।।

'क्यों बच्चो,'  मम्मी ने बाजार से लौट कर पूछा,  'मेरी गैर मौजूदगी में तुम लोगों ने शरारतें तो नहीं की?'  ' नहीं मम्मी, हमने रसोई ठीक ठाक कर दी है,'  शम्मी बोली।

निम्मी ने बताया, 'मैंने कप और प्लेटें धोईं।'

'मैंने उन्हें अच्छी तरह पोंछा,'  पूनम ने कहा।

'और तुमने क्या किया पप्पू?'

'मैं कप और प्लेटों के टुकड़े उठा कर बाहर फेंक आया,'  पप्पू ने जवाब दिया।

अपना सांई प्यारा सांई सबसे न्यारा अपना सांई

ॐ सांई राम।।।

[Ramesh Ramnani]

जय सांई राम।।।

बल्ब बनाने वाली एक कंपनी का विज्ञापन: 'हम अपने बल्बों में सर्वश्रेष्ठ कांच का उपयोग करते हैं। प्रमाण यह है कि पिछले वर्ष हमारी कंपनी के फ्यूज हुए 10 लाख बल्बों में से किसी एक का भी कांच नहीं टूटा था।'

अपना सांई प्यारा सांई सबसे न्यारा अपना सांई

ॐ सांई राम।।।

[tana]

Om Sai Ram~~~

KYON ? 
 
There was a HIT song from a movie which had a number of Questions in it .. ONLY one attempted to answer them ..
Have a look ..

Q: Kyon chalti hai pawan ?


A : because of evaporation


Q: kyon jhoome hai gagan ?

A: because of earth’s revolution


Q : kyon machalta hai mann ?

A: because of excessive respiration


Q: na tum janno na hum ?

A: but i just gave all the answers


Q: kyon aati hai bahar ?

A: because of change in season


Q: kyon lutata hai kaarar ?

A: becuase of mental tension


Q: kyon hota hai pyaar ?

A : because of fatal attraction


Q: na tum janno na hum ?

A : like i said these are all science phenomena


Q: kyon gum hai har disha ?

A : because u have lost the sense of direction


Q:kyon hota hai nasha ?

A: because of drug addiction


Q :kyon aata hai maza?

A: because of food’s temptation


Q : na tum janno na hum?

A : I think u r jealous from my intelligence
 
Jai Sai Ram~~~

[rajiv uppal]

एक महिला के गले में मोतियों का हार देखकर एक ईष्र्यालु महिला से न रहा गया।

वह बोली- बहन तुम्हारे हार के मोती तो नकली जान पड़ते हैं। शायद जौहरी ने तुम्हें ठग लिया है। जरा मुझे दिखाना तो। कहा जाता है कि दांत के नीचे दबाने से असली मोती की पहचान हो जाती है।

हां बहन! यह तो है.. पर माफ करना.. नकली दांतों से असली मोती की पहचान नहीं हो पाती। महिला ने कहा।