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Author Topic: थोड़ा हटकर - नन्हे नन्हे चुटकुले  (Read 24441 times)

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Offline Ramesh Ramnani

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    • Sai Baba
जय सांई राम।।।


One Early morning a mother went to her sleeping son and woke him up.   
 
MOM : "Wake up, son. It's time to go to school."   
 
SON : "But why, Mama? I don't want to go to school."   
 
MOM : "Give me two reasons why you don't want to go to school."

SON : "One, all the children hate me. Two, all the teachers hate me."
   
MOM : "Oh! that's not a reason. Come on, you have to go to school."
   
SON : "Give me two good reasons WHY I *should* go to school?"
 
MOM :  One, you are FIFTY-TWO years old and should understand your responsibilities.
 
Two, you are the PRINCIPAL of the school.


अपना सांई प्यारा सांई सबसे न्यारा अपना सांई

ॐ सांई राम।।।
अपना साँई प्यारा साँई सबसे न्यारा अपना साँई - रमेश रमनानी

Offline tana

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  • Posts: 7074
  • Blessings 139
  • ~सांई~~ੴ~~सांई~
    • Sai Baba
ॐ सांई राम~~~

बंता हेलीकॉप्टर उड़ाने का प्रशिक्षण लेने गया। पहले दिन ही वह हेलिकॉप्टर उड़ाना चाह रहा था। प्रशिक्षक ने उसकी जिद पर उसे हेलिकॉप्टर उड़ाने की इजाजत दे दी। उसने रेडियो पर उसे कुछ जरूरी सूचना दी और उड़ान की कुछ प्रक्रिया के बारे में बताया।
बंता का हेलिकॉप्टर हवा में उठने लगा। 1,000 फीट की ऊंचाई पर उसने रेडियो पर सूचना भेजी कि उसे बहुत अच्छा लग रहा है और वह हेलिकॉप्टर बहुत अच्छी तरह से उड़ा रहा है।
कुछ ही मिनट में बंता का हेलिकॉप्टर 3,000 फीट की ऊंचाई पर जा पहुंचा। अचानक तभी हेलिकॉप्टर लड़खड़ाता हुआ नीचे की तरफ आने लगा। हेलिकॉप्टर को गिरता देख प्रशिक्षक बहुत डर गया। हेलिकॉप्टर नीचे आ गिरा।
प्रशिक्षक दौड़कर हेलिकॉप्टर के मलबे के पास पहुंचा और किसी तरह बंता को बाहर निकाला। बंता होश में था। उसने बंता से पूछा कि आखिर हुआ क्या था? वह अच्छा उड़ा रहा था।
बंता ने जवाब दिया, “मुझे भी कुछ पता नहीं। सब कुछ बढ़िया था। फिर मुझे ठंड लगने लगी और मैने अपने ऊपर का बड़ा पंखा बंद कर दिया।”

जय सांई राम~~~
"लोका समस्ता सुखिनो भवन्तुः
ॐ शन्तिः शन्तिः शन्तिः"

" Loka Samasta Sukino Bhavantu
Aum ShantiH ShantiH ShantiH"~~~

May all the worlds be happy. May all the beings be happy.
May none suffer from grief or sorrow. May peace be to all~~~

Offline Vikram_Rana

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  • Posts: 388
  • Blessings 6
  • Dreams are Good, But Realities are batter.
One day while walking down the street a highly successful
Human Resources Manager was tragically hit by a bus and she died. Her soul arrived up in heaven where she was met at the Pearly Gates by St. Peter himself.

"Welcome to Heaven," said St. Peter. "Before you get settled in though, it seems we have a problem. You see, strangely enough, we've never once had a Human Resources Manager make it this far and we're not really sure what to do with you."

"No problem, just let me in," said the woman.

"Well, I'd like to, but I have higher orders. What we're going to do is let you have a day in Hell and a day in Heaven and then you can choose whichever one you want to spend an eternity in."

"Actually, I think I've made up my mind, I prefer to stay in Heaven", said the woman

"Sorry, we have rules..."

And with that St. Peter put the executive in an elevator and it went down-down-down to hell.

The doors opened and she found herself stepping out onto the putting green of a beautiful golf course. In the distance was a country club and standing in front of her were all her friends - fellow executives that she had worked with and they were well dressed in evening gowns and cheering for her. They ran up and kissed her on both cheeks and they talked about old times. They played an excellent round of golf and at night went to the country club where she enjoyed an excellent steak and lobster dinner.

She met the Devil who was actually a really nice guy (kind
of cute) and she had a great time telling jokes and dancing. She was having such a good time that before she knew it, it was time to leave. Everybody shook her hand and waved goodbye as she got on the elevator.

The elevator went up-up-up and opened back up at the Pearly Gates and found St. Peter waiting for her.

"Now it's time to spend a day in heaven," he said. So she spent the next 24 hours lounging around on clouds and playing the harp and singing. She had great time and before she knew it her 24 hours were up and St. Peter came and got her.

"So, you've spent a day in hell and you've spent a day in heaven. Now you must choose your eternity,"

The woman paused for a second and then replied, "Well, I never thought I'd say this, I mean, Heaven has been really great and all, but I think I had a better time in Hell."

So St. Peter escorted her to the elevator and again she went down-down-down back to Hell.

When the doors of the elevator opened she found herself standing in a desolate wasteland covered in garbage and filth. She saw her friends were dressed in rags and were picking up the garbage and putting it in sacks.

The Devil came up to her and put his arm around her.

"I don't understand," stammered the woman, "yesterday I was here and there was a golf course and a country club and we ate lobster and we danced and had a great time. Now all there is a wasteland of garbage and all my friends look miserable."

The Devil looked at her smiled and told...
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"Yesterday we were recruiting you, today you're an Employee"........

Offline tana

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  • Posts: 7074
  • Blessings 139
  • ~सांई~~ੴ~~सांई~
    • Sai Baba
Om Sai Ram~~~

" Kya aap paachvi paas se tez hai "??!!!!


IF   
 
 
1   =      5
 
2   =     25

3   =     125

4   =     625

5   =       ?


Please think twice before scrolling



Answer    =    1


REMEMBER THE FIRST LINE.

1    =   5


MORAL OF THE PROBLEM:
DON'T COMPLICATE SIMPLE PROBLEMS IN LIFE~~~  :) :) ;) ;) :) :) :P :P

Jai Sai Ram~~~
"लोका समस्ता सुखिनो भवन्तुः
ॐ शन्तिः शन्तिः शन्तिः"

" Loka Samasta Sukino Bhavantu
Aum ShantiH ShantiH ShantiH"~~~

May all the worlds be happy. May all the beings be happy.
May none suffer from grief or sorrow. May peace be to all~~~

Offline Vikram_Rana

  • Member
  • Posts: 388
  • Blessings 6
  • Dreams are Good, But Realities are batter.
TEACHER: Why are you late?
L-JOHNY: Because of the sign.
TEACHER: What sign?
L-JOHNY: The one that says, "School Ahead, Go Slow."
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-

TEACHER: Johny, why are you doing your maths sums on the floor?
L-JOHNY: You told me to do it without using tables!
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-

TEACHER: Johny, how do you spell "crocodile"?
L-JOHNY: "K-R-O-K-O-D-A-I-L"
TEACHER: No, that's wrong
L-JOHNY: Maybe it's wrong, but you ask me how I spell it!
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-

TEACHER: What is the chemical formula for water?
L-JOHNY: "HIJKLMNO"!!
TEACHER: What are you talking about?
L-JOHNY: Yesterday you said it's H to O!
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-

TEACHER: Johny, name one important thing we have today that we didn't  have ten years ago.
L-JOHNY: Me!
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-

TEACHER: Johny, why do you always get so dirty?
L-JOHNY: Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground  then you are.
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-

L-JOHNY: Dad, can you write in the dark?
FATHER: I think so. What do you want me To write?
L-JOHNY: Your name on this report card.
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-

TEACHER: How can you prevent diseases caused by biting insects?
L-JOHNY: Don't bite any.
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-

TEACHER: Johny, give me a sentence starting with "I".
L-JOHNY: I is...
TEACHER: No, Johny. Always say, "I am."
L-JOHNY: All right... "I am the ninth letter of  the alphabet."
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-

Teacher: "Can anybody give an example of COINCIDENCE?"
L-Johnny : "Sir, my Mother and Father got  married on the sameday
sametime."
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-

Teacher: "George Washington not only chopped down his father's
Cherry tree, but also admitted doing it. Now do you now why his father didn't punish him?"
L-Johnny : "Because George still had  the axe in his hand."
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-

L-Johnny : Daddy, have you ever been to Egypt?
Father : No. Why do you ask that?
L-Johnny : Well, where did you get THIS mummy  then?
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-

Teacher : What a pair of strange socks you are wearing, one is green
and one is blue with red spots!
L-Johnny: Yes it's really strange. I've got another pair of the same  at home.
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-

Teacher: Now, children, if I saw a man beating a donkey and stopped
him, what virtue would I be showing?
L-Johnny: Brotherly love.
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-

Teacher: Now, Johny, tell me frankly do you say prayers before eating?
L-Johnny : No sir, I don't have to, my mom is a good cook.
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-

Teacher: Johny, your composition on "My Dog" is exactly the same as
your brother's. Did u copy his?
L-Johnny: No, teacher, it's the same dog!
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-

Teacher: What do you call a person who keeps on talking when people
are no longer interested?
L-Johnny : A teacher

Offline Ramesh Ramnani

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  • Posts: 5501
  • Blessings 60
    • Sai Baba
Om Sai Ram~~~

DON'T COMPLICATE SIMPLE PROBLEMS IN LIFE~~~  :) :) ;) ;) :) :) :P :P

Jai Sai Ram~~~

जय सांई राम।।।

बहुत बढ़िया

अपना सांई प्यारा सांई सबसे न्यारा अपना सांई

ॐ सांई राम।।।
अपना साँई प्यारा साँई सबसे न्यारा अपना साँई - रमेश रमनानी

Offline tana

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  • Posts: 7074
  • Blessings 139
  • ~सांई~~ੴ~~सांई~
    • Sai Baba
Om Sai Ram~~~

Why Bill Gates SOLD OFF Microsoft?


Letter from Banta Singh of Punjab to Mr. Bill Gates of Microsoft


Subject: Problems with my new computer


Dear Mr. Bill Gates,

We have bought a computer for our home and we have found some problems, which I want to bring to your notice.

1. There is a button 'start' but there is no "stop" button. We request you to check this.                                                 

2. We find there is 'Run' in the menu. One of my friends clicked 'run' he ran up to Amritsar ! So, we request you to change that to "sit", so that we can click that by sitting.

3. One doubt is whether any 're-scooter' is available in system? I find only 're-cycle', but I own a scooter at my home.

4. There is 'Find' button but it is not working properly. My wife lost the door key and we tried a lot trace the key with this ' find' button, but was unable to trace. Please rectify this problem.

5. My child learnt 'Microsoft word' now he wants to learn 'Microsoft sentence', so when you will provide that?

6. I bought computer, CPU, mouse and keyboard, but there is only one icon which shows 'MY Computer': when you will provide the remaining items?

7. It is surprising that windows says 'MY Pictures' but there is not even a single photo of mine. So when will you keep my photo in that.

8. There is 'MICROSOFT OFFICE' what about 'MICROSOFT HOME' since I use the PC at home only.

9. You provided "My Recent Documents". When you will provide "My Past Documents"?

10. You provide "My Network Places". For God sake please do not provide "My Secret Places". I do not want to let my wife know where I go after my office hours.

Regards,                                                         
Banta
         
                                                   
Last one from me to Mr Bill Gates :-

Sir, how is it that your name is Gates but u are selling WINDOWS?

Jai Sai Ram~~~

"लोका समस्ता सुखिनो भवन्तुः
ॐ शन्तिः शन्तिः शन्तिः"

" Loka Samasta Sukino Bhavantu
Aum ShantiH ShantiH ShantiH"~~~

May all the worlds be happy. May all the beings be happy.
May none suffer from grief or sorrow. May peace be to all~~~

Offline tana

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  • Blessings 139
  • ~सांई~~ੴ~~सांई~
    • Sai Baba
ॐ सांई राम~~~
 
हँसो भाई हँसो~~~  :) :D :P :P 

मास्टर रामू का पर्स जिसमें काफी रुपए थे कहीं गिर गया। किस्मत से वह पर्स किसी ईमानदार व्यक्ति को मिला। उसने पेपर में सूचना निकलवा दी। जरूरी प्रमाण पत्र देने पर मास्टर रामू को उसका पर्स वापस मिल गया। पर्स के रुपए कई बार गिनने के बाद जब रामू को चिंता में देखा तो उस व्यक्ति ने पूछा क्या बात है। कोई परेशानी है क्या? क्या रकम पूरी नहीं है?

मास्टर रामू ने कहा- रकम तो पूरी है पर मैं देख रहा हूँ ब्याज कहीं नहीं है।

 :) :D :P :P

एक मित्र दूसरे से : भैया, मेरे दाहिनी ओर शेर था, बायीं तरफ चीता और सामने एक हाथी था।

दूसरा मित्र : फिर तुम बच कैसे गए भैया?

पहला मित्र : कुछ नहीं यार मैं झूले से उतर गया।

 :) :D :P :P

शिक्षक : परस्पर विलोमार्थी और जुड़े हुए शब्द बताओ। जैसे सुख-दुःख, लाभ-हानि, जय-पराजय।

इसके बाद शिक्षक रुक गए और छात्र से बोले- अब तुम बताओ

छात्र : सर जैसे पति और पत्नी।

राम श्याम सेः तुम क्यों रो रहे हो

श्याम : मैं गिर गया था

राम : ये लो चॉकलेट।

श्याम चॉकलेट लेकर और जोर से रोने लगा।

राम : क्या हुआ श्याम तुम अब क्यों रो रहे हो

श्याम : मैं दो बार गिर गया

 :) :D :P :P

भिखारी लड़का : ए बाई, एक रुपया दे दो।

औरत : तुम्हें तो स्कूल में होना चाहिए।

भिखारी लड़का : वहाँ भी गया था लेकिन कुछ भी नहीं मिला।

 :) :D :P :P

एक बच्चा पिता से : पापा बताओ इंद्रधनुष और पुलिस में क्या समानता है।

पिताः नहीं मालूम बेटा

बच्चाः पिताजी दोनों ही आँधी तूफान के बाद आते हैं।

 :) :D :P :P

टीचर : रमेश आई डोंट नो का हिन्दी में क्या अर्थ होगा?

रमेश : मुझे नहीं मालूम सर

टीचर : बिलकुल सही, बैठ जाओ।

 :) :D :P :P
 
जय सांई राम~~~
 
"लोका समस्ता सुखिनो भवन्तुः
ॐ शन्तिः शन्तिः शन्तिः"

" Loka Samasta Sukino Bhavantu
Aum ShantiH ShantiH ShantiH"~~~

May all the worlds be happy. May all the beings be happy.
May none suffer from grief or sorrow. May peace be to all~~~

Offline Ramesh Ramnani

  • Member
  • Posts: 5501
  • Blessings 60
    • Sai Baba
जय सांई राम।।।

संता ने दूकान दार से कहा-मुझे इंडिया का फ्लेग दिखाओ।

दूकानदार ने कई अलग-२ साइज़ के फ्लेग दिखाए। तब संता बाला की इसमे कुछ कलर और दिखाओ.........

अपना सांई प्यारा सांई सबसे न्यारा अपना सांई

ॐ सांई राम।।।
अपना साँई प्यारा साँई सबसे न्यारा अपना साँई - रमेश रमनानी

Offline Sai ka Tej

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  • ஜ♥ஜஜ♥♥♥♥Sai Ram♥♥♥♥ஜஜ♥ஜ
JAI SAI RAM

"HEIGHT OF HONESTY"

"SITTING IN AN EXAMINATION HALL...
OPENING A CHIT ....
MEMORISING THE ANSWER & THEN WRITING IT WITHOUT SEEING"...........

SAI RAM
ஜஜ♥ஜ♥♀♥♀♥ ♥♥♥♥Sai Ram♥♥♥♥  ♥♀♥♀♥ஜஜ♥ஜ

Offline Ramesh Ramnani

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    • Sai Baba
जय सांई राम।।।

बन्ता को शादी के तीन महीने बाद एक लड़का हुआ ।
उसने अपनी बन्तो से पूछा तीन महीने बाद ये लड़का कैसे हो गया
बन्तो : तुम्हारी शादी को कितना अरसा हुआ ।
बन्ता : तीन महीने ।
बन्तो : और मेरी शादी को ।
बन्ता: तीन महीने ।
बन्तो : और बच्चा कितने महीने बाद हुआ ।
बन्ता : तीन महीने बाद ।
बन्तो : टोटल कितने हुए ।
बन्ता : ऊए नौ महीने और नाचने लग गया "बल्ले बल्ले "

अपना सांई प्यारा सांई सबसे न्यारा अपना सांई

ॐ सांई राम।।।
अपना साँई प्यारा साँई सबसे न्यारा अपना साँई - रमेश रमनानी

Offline tana

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  • Posts: 7074
  • Blessings 139
  • ~सांई~~ੴ~~सांई~
    • Sai Baba
ॐ सांई राम~~~

संता और बंता एक चार इंजन वाले हवाई जहाज में यात्रा कर रहे थे। अचानक जहाज के नीचे की तरफ से जोर की आवाज आई । पायलट ने घोषणा की - ''हवाई जहाज के एक इंजिन ने काम करना बंद कर दिया है इसलिये हमें अपनी गति कम करनी पड़ रही है। अब हम लोग लगभग 1 घंटा देर से पहुंचेंगे।''कुछ देर बाद फिर जोर की आवाज आई और उसके बाद पायलट ने घोषणा की - ''जहाज के दूसरे इंजन ने भी काम करना बंद कर दिया है। अब हम लोग लगभग 3 घंटे देरी से पहुंचेंगे।''

कुछ देर बाद फिर एक आवाज हुई और पायलट ने बताया कि अब जहाज लगभग 6 घंटे देरी से पहुंचेगा।

संता ने अपने बगल में बैठे बंता के कान में फुसफुसाया - ''यार ! ये तो हद हो गई! अगर चौथा इंजन भी काम करना बंद कर दे तो क्या हम पूरा दिन आकाश में ही टंगे रहेंगे ?''


जय सांई राम~~~

"लोका समस्ता सुखिनो भवन्तुः
ॐ शन्तिः शन्तिः शन्तिः"

" Loka Samasta Sukino Bhavantu
Aum ShantiH ShantiH ShantiH"~~~

May all the worlds be happy. May all the beings be happy.
May none suffer from grief or sorrow. May peace be to all~~~

Offline Ramesh Ramnani

  • Member
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    • Sai Baba
जय सांई राम।।।

क्या करें?

एक करोड़पति मर गया और स्वर्ग का दरवाजा खटखटाने लगा।
देव : कौन हो तुम?
करोड़पति : मैं धरती पर करोड़पति था । मुझे स्वर्ग में प्रवेश चाहिये।
देव : स्वर्ग में रहने लायक तुमने कौन सा काम किया है?
करोड़पति : मैंने एक बार एक भूखी भिखारिन को दो रुपये दिये थे। एक बार मेरी कार से टकराकर घायल हुए एक बच्चे को एक रुपया दिया था....
देव : और कुछ किया?
करोड़पति : और कुछ तो याद नहीं आता......
देव (दूसरे देव से): भाई, क्या करें इसका?
दूसरा देव : इसके तीन रुपये लौटाकर नरक में भेज दो....

अपना सांई प्यारा सांई सबसे न्यारा अपना सांई

ॐ सांई राम।।।
अपना साँई प्यारा साँई सबसे न्यारा अपना साँई - रमेश रमनानी

 


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