AN IMPORTANT NOTE FOR PARENTS !!!

[GaneshHariharan]

I sincerely wish that this post of mine reaches as many parents as possible , either directly or indirectly. what prompted me to write this post is that every day i see numerous posts where 2 people who love each other are not able to come together bcos of cast , creed , religion etc put forth as an obstacle by the parents on either side.
I understand that it is the parents duty to guide their children to the right path  and that every parent would like to see his or her child to be happy. but in todays 21st century
when you parents out there , prevent your son or daughter from getting married due to cast , creed or religious reasons , are you really worried about what people in your society will say or are you really worried for your child ?. keep your hand on your heart and answer this question to yourself. also for arguement sakes , lets say that you marry off your child to a person of your choice , can you guarantee that he or she will be happy in that marriage ? the answer is ofcourse not !. is it not your ultimate goal as a parent to see your child happy and not what the society thinks or says . people will always find things to say , they will always find a topic but by forcing your child into a forced alliance which he or she is not happy about are you not commiting a sin ? does sai have a religion ? he embraces all religions . and as they say marriages are made in heaven, if you force your will on this , do you think the lord will be happy ? the lord knows who should be together and who not . i am not saying that arranged marriages have a 100% failure rate and that love marriages have a 100% success rate. all i am trying to put forth is that please for heavens sake atleast give the children a chance to choose who they want to spend their life with and dont threaten them with this or that. if you are a true parent who loves his or her child bow to sai or whatever lor you worship and let him take the final decision. please dont interfere in the lords decisions."man proposes , god disposes". OM SAIRAM.

[aquafish]

Ganesh ji,

WHat u have said is the truth!! i am facing this prob becoz my parents agreed to this guy but his parents r so against it..they dont care that i ame ducated, well settled just coz i am bnot from the same caste....And these people r Baba devotees...I dont even understand how they can beleive in baba and still have those ill feelings for diff caste...I wholly agree that parents shud realise this...esp when the children make sensible decisions and choose the right person to spend their whole life with...

Om sai ram!! Hope baba makes these people see through it and give strength to the children to convince their parents too.

[smg]

Om Sai Ram ganeshji,

i read your post and i thought in my mind yes it is true that no 1 can gurantee that their child's marraige will be sucessfull or not and acc. to me also there should be no issue in marraiges regarding the caste, creed or religions, but i myself have seen in most of the cases that after getting married in a diffrent religion or caste a girl is not able to adjust in that environment which is toatally different to her and sumtimes wat happens is dat a guy and his family fails to understand her feelings after marraige or there could be any other reasons and thats where all the problems starts cropping up in their married life. So that could be 1 of the reason why the parents dont want their child to get married in differnt religion or caste bcoz as in these cases they are really not sure of whether the child will be able to adjust or not after marraige as compared to the love marraiges in same caste or religion or arrange marraiges.

Honestly Iam not against you and love marraiges in diffrent relegion, but in my opinion sumwer down the line the parents are also right even they are worried about their child's future and most importantly they dont want to take any risk or play with thier child's future. If the parents think yes dat
a guy or a girl is suitable 4 my child then they wont say no but yes but if there is a little doubt in their my mind then they would definately say no. Unhone ne bi zindagi dekhi hai n they know far better than us wat is right n wrong for us. So i think its better 4 a guy or a girl that they should stick by their
parent's decision rather than making their life miserable or difficult after marraige. I know this decision will hurt a lot in d beggining but in the long run it will prove to be benificial for everybody. And moreover a person without thier parent's wishes can never stay happpy for long so its better that u should respect ur parents decision and follow it.

Every problem has many solutions to it in this world n acc to me there is a solution to it as well wat i think in this case is that if the couple gets married then there should be no interference by the parents of both the parties in their personal matter. Make a girl follow or perform the customs n traditions but upto an extent but there should be no force on girl from boy's parents that these are the customs and traditons of their family and they have to b followed in necase and at the same time a girl should respect their customs and traditions and if she can follow it nothing better than that. No parents can see their child unhappy.Its the fact of life

This is my point of view n sorry if it does hurt ne1 and yes rest is the person's destiny. Whatever has to happen it will happen.

[rr_sai_bhakt]

Dear smg ji,

Om Sai Ram ...

You are right when you say that parents might be concerned whether their child will be able to adjust after marriage, specially if moving into a house hold that has a different caste/religious system being followed.

So the concern in this matter right.

What is not right is to oppose the marriage for the sake of what the society will say, what their community people might say or what will the other relatives say.

I think that is what ganesh ji has also tried to point out .. that other people will always have something to say what ever you might do, so we shouldnt bother abt other ppl ... instead we should be concerned only abt our children's happiness.

And if its about the genuine concern of adjusting after marriage, i think if the parents have enough confidence in their children then they will also have confidence that their children will make the right choice when it comes to an important decision like marriage.

Infact if after such a marriage, if their children are facing any issues in adjusting, then instead of having a "i told you so" attitude towards their children the parents must infact be supportive and try to tell their children that adjustment issues come in all marriages and in this case they have to make a special effort to adjust to the different customs.

The issue that you are pointing out could also be more due to a generation gap, where the parents grew up in a society where certain customs and religious traditions were strictly followed and hence it was thought very difficult to adjust to other customs, traditions etc.
However over the last few decades, atleast in a lot of urban areas, in a lot of households religious customs are not followed that strictly and there is a growing homogenousity across castes, customs etc

Having said all this ... of course no one denies that the happiest marriages are one where blessings of parents from both sides are given whole heartedly .... No child would like to marry against his or her parent's wishes ...
However .. things are not always so hunky-dory right ... sometimes children do take decisions against their parent's wishes initially .. and later on even the parents do relent .. specially after grand-children come in .... And in many such cases parents also acknowledge later that their child's choice of a life partner was very good even though that person may belong to a different caste etc..

Alls well that ends well ...

Om Sai Ram ...

[GaneshHariharan]

dear mr.rr_sai_bhakt, you hit the nail on the head. this is exactly what i wanted to convey. as usual your wisdom prevails. tks OM SAIRAM.

[smg]

Om  Sai Ram dear rr_sai_bhakt ji,

Iam totally agree with both of you that what society will say or think about it. I also feel d same dat we shouldn't bother about them. I missed out this point to mention in my previous post and beleive me i am not that kind of a person who really gives importance to this caste, creed, religion etc....What matters the most is the happiness of the child.

And yes u r 100% right that parents should change thier attitude "i told you so" towards their childrens and should support them. And there is nothing about the generation gap coz it is still happening in the families who are really modern. I guess that you have misunderstood me sumwer. That was my point of view n i feel dat am not mature enough to understnd these things so deeply as iam only 23. I dont know how i should put it but i would like to say that sumtimes childrens should
listen to their parents and parents to their childrens depending upon their own cases or situations coz both the parties r right in their own way n they must reach to a solution which is acceptable to both of them in sum or the other way.

What i personally want to say is that everybody should be happy at the end be it a mother , a father or a child.

May baba bless all.

[rajiv800]

Hi all,

I feel that parents are not always right. Agreed they have seen world more than what we have but the time they were in and the time we are in are very different. I am going through the same as i am not of the same caste, to get closer to there caste i did not shave or cut my hair for almost 2 years now, what more could i do to prove to the parents that i really love her. They liked me and did not find anything wrong with me but still they could not go ahead an get us married just for the reason of SOCIETY and what others would say and all that bull shit. I have still not been able to accept this situation, almost 6 months now they find me well settled educated decent everything but still SOCIETY tears everything apart.

cant swear here other but yes i hate this society crap.

om sai ram

[rkvintageiyer]

Hi Ganesh

I wish if this topic was posted earlier and had my s******* seen this and understood the impact of it on someone's life.I am not so fortunate to have got my best friend as my wife but  yet lucky to have got someone better as my life partner and wife,but yet i feel like i am not the same old zubiliant,pleasant personality as i was once amongst my friends.Its very hard to explain to people who compromises with their happiness and believes in moving on with life as a + approach.Who misinterpret and considers playing with others sentiments as a sacrifice that they have done to make someone's life.They don't have foresight of seeing the calamity that his or her decison can bring on other person.They don't understand that by dumping someone who they knew will cause irrepairable damage to them as well as people close to them.People get attracted to each other and they build rappo,build dreams,dine together,visit places together and takes what ever little hint that sai gives as a + ve indications about sai being with them,considered this as baba's blessings and goes with the relations up until they get across hurdles called parents.Parents black mail them ,torture them mentally,curses them ,says things which creates insecurity in their son's daughter mind and forces them to choose a life which may be acceptable to one but may prove disastrous to other person.I am at a point where i am in complete dilemma,distress confused state and feel like ending my life at any moment now.I get tremors with this feeling that my wife,my old parents and above all my sister will be destroyed and will be a living dreadful and life full of pain,anguishness.Please post this topic as a main topic so that parents as well as my brother and sisters who are already on relation or are going to get into a relation sooner or later understand the complexity of loving somebody,understands the hurdles that may come their way,understands and has the capability to stick to their decison come what may,understands and takes responsibilty of someone life,understands what committment is all about.I am not a perfectionalist at all,neither i am trying prove anybody wrong.I ve realised over these 2 years period that i am also a ordinary human being having lots of dreams,emotions,wanting to have my own house,wanting to marry the person who i love,n who understands me,who is ready to sacrifice materialistic things for me.What i am saying is demanding situation some times makes even a best person brutal and mad,so people who love each other or are in any relationship now should understand this that for certain behaviours there are no reasons.For inexplicable reason people act differently under different situation especially when they are under stress,when they feel insecure,so people who love each other should be very understanding of each other and should create environment conjusive and favourable for each other,make each other feeel comfortable,not use provocative stements,not pin point each others mistake.

I am writing this to help all Sai Devotees to have a blessed and blissfull life.Life filled with everlasting happiness.Life which gives a sense of mental satisfaction,life which is meaningful.Please do not fight at pity things and once you get into a relation do not doubt,have faith in sai.Don't have expectations because expectations poisons life,if you give your 100 % efforts and fully trust the other person then just pray sai that he also trusts you and gives same amount of love and care but dont expect that from the person just pray sai and surrender your relation to him.He will tell you,he will give you indications ,do not ignore them.If you expect some thing out for a person who end up getting disappointed,and disappointment is root cause of all misery.