I just wanted to share my story and put it out there in the world. My mom said that when I was small I used to write letters to God to help me . She was sitting and reading my letters and was wondering what kind of a child I am. I asked for something as small as a pencil or sometimes thanked him for a simple treat. These days I think the same thing. Why have I stopped writing to God?
I feel that I have been really selfish and I ask for forgiveness. At that point in my life I used to get everything I wanted and hence I forgot about my creator. Now that all troubles are coming together I feel the need to share my emotions. That way the internet is a wonderful thing. Look at all of us on this network. Strong believers of the Lord Shree Sai and hoping that he will bless us all.
Don’t worry Dear. There are millions of children who just being crazy for God (bowing again and again before idol of God/Reciting Mantras/Chanting etc.etc.), but in most of the cases their craziness last from 40 days to 11 years, and out of those millions only a few gets the blessings to be firm on the path of God. In childhood devotion is always pure, because their devotion and love for God stands pure without any wish.
why this happens? You know it depends on our previous Birth's Karmas. If you spent your whole life in affection of other human/s or worldly possessions without even thinking about the purpose of Human Life, it makes you are not worth of human life and get form of any insect etc. But at the last moment of your life you realize you have wasted your life after chasing worldly desires which were of no use and died remembering God and a sense of repentance. Your that Karmas works as a bridge between you and Thy holy appearance. But, Maya also test what is your level. Was it only a temporary thought to be with God or You are really ready, and how one performs in test makes his future on the path of GOD!
I pray and ask Shree Sai to bless everyone who out so much faith in him and have the courage to write in this Forum.
Here Goes my long list of things. Everything is coming all together
1. I quit the job that I was in. I hated it. I was pushed to do a lot of things i didnt want to. i have to give them a long notice. I begged to be let go of early but I dont know what is going to happen. Just when I thought that finally everything was going to be ok, a complication came that could lead me to a lot of trouble. The worst part is that I know that I didnt do anything wrong but at this point there is nothing I can do about it. Its been playing sub-counsiously in my mind constantly and I cant even sleep properly or eat. i pray to Sai baba to make it go away. I dont want to loose my livelyhood.
Keep your mind calm. Have patience. Use and activate your conscious mind to deactivate source of negative feelings of your mind. and if really something is bad, Just think, How much it can affect me. Remember no effect if permanent. Life keep on moving. We wish or not, does not matter.
2. I have no idea what is wrong with my health. Is it stress that is causing all this or something else? I never do really fall sick but I am.
Depression also affects health. Most of the time one feels darkness, Stomach-ache, Dry Throat and nervousness. and one feels always tired. For that You must read good inspirational books, Be away from sad things (Songs/Serials/Stories/Movies etc.)
3. I lost my dad recently and I was ok with it before but i see myself thinking about him every single day. I feel that somehow he will magically appear and everything will be ok. He was my pillar of support.
Feel Baba with you. You would be having blessings of your father.
4. I am in love with a guy that my family doesnt approve of. I always thought that it was ok as long as I love him. These days I question that love myself. I see myself getting more and more lonely each day and yet I am going to marry him. We either fight or dont talk. We are poles apart. I have hugged every religious book out there a countless times, cried myself till no tear is left and still havent got the answer as to how to get out of all this. For everything......his answer is that I am just too emotional.
Just to share, Just listen what your destiny want to say. Only Y’day I came to know about a sad story of someone, A Hard Core Punjabi Girl loved and married a south Indian guy some years ago. There was no problem from Girl’s family. Apparently Boy’s relatives were too OK. But there were something in their heart. They didn’t accept the girl whole heartedly and there were divorce after some years, Now Girls is with the kids alone. In this age people thought If to whom they love he/she too love that’s enough. They ignore the message of their destiny. Then suffer and blame God even for their own mistake.
So, without being emotional, one should think about his/her future. Because this is not the question of one or two years but complete life. One wrong decision not only affects one's own life but his/her family too.
5. I have siblings that I wish no one had even as enemies and lets just leave it at that. All I say is that if person cant love their mom can love no one. Hence I should not have any expectations. I wish my mom would understand that. Lord give her that courage and do not cause her any sadness. She is the best mom in the whole world.
Don’t think negative about others. You don’t know why your sibling is behaving in such manner. You can only assume and that might not be reality. You must pay attention to your life only. Don’t compare with anyone.
After opening my heart to all of you guys out there. This is the conclusion that I have come too. I am a really messed up person. I am a coward and scared of living alone. I rather live in this state than be alone. How sad is that? I cant discuss this with family and I have no where to go. I am hoping to find peace somewhere.
Love to u all.
No Matter. No problem is big in Sai Darbar. Feel Sai with you and you would never be alone!
May Sai Bless You!
om sri sai ram!
Topic: Some thoughts of mine. I really need help (Read 1396 times)