Dear All,
I came across an article that shows the way to have the person we love in our life back, and most importantly why broken love happens. I
have found this article from this website :
http://humanscience.wikia.com/wiki/Secret_Forum_:Problems-------
Hello,
I have been overwhelmed by the book, The Secret. It has made a huge difference in my life already. I have read it several times and have made flash cards from key inspirational messages. It even helped me to visit a place I have always dreamed of, Lake Tahoe.
Based on my success, I 'asked' and thanked the universer for bringing me back together with a guy that I have loved deeply for some time. We had a brief relationship with me a while back, however, he ended it. I don't know if I can convey the conviction of my belief that this is the person I am intended to be with. So, I began using the strategies in the book. I was so excited I felt and believed the Universe was moving things to answer my request. I cleaned out drawers in the bedroom, the bathroom, and other places around my house. He has a place to park, etc. While I am not a painter, I enjoy writing (especially when I am not upset.) So I used my creativity to write a dialogue where he expressed his feelings of love for me. I wrote his name and my name like one of the book's contributor's mother did. I created an electronic vision board for our wedding. It covered all kinds of details.
I was so excited when I received a message from the Universe to email him. My horoscope stated something about how I had been disconnected from someone of key importance and challenged me to reach out to them. So I sent a short touch base email. He replied that he wanted to talk with me and later called. The conversation did not go well. It started fine. We caught up and laughed, and then he said that he did not want to get together again. Friendship was fine, but the coolness in his words spoke of a different message. I acknowledged his opinion and stated that I beleived that our (verbal) fight a few months ago was an example of the strength of our feeling. I genuinely praised him for the wonderful qualities I see in him and wished him well. I explained that I honored his choice, but felt differently. Privately, I surmised that the Universe was still at work and that it would be important for me to show positive strength without pressuring him. That way, the Universe could continue the work. His words became very clipped and he told me how disappointed he was (in me). I did not start to cry and remained incredibly calm as more of his words cut into me. He started saying things like there was very little good between us when we were together. . .In the end, I told him that it would be best that we not have any further contact. Naturally, this part doesn't fit with the Secret and was an error, but I struggled so at the end of the call. I did send him an email again trying to refocus on the positive statements I had intended to share in the call. I wanted to clarify that I did not blame him and took my part of the responsibility for the pain between us. In retrospect, I think this was also a mistake on my part as it reaffirmed in the end that I would not reach out to him again (per our agreement). At the time, I thought this fit with the Secret as it focused on praising him, and creating methods for others to make their own choices. Now, I worry that it further focused on the negative and was a further distance creator.
I have tried to make light of the setbacks I made and tried move forward. I have focused on the times during the call when I successfully used Dworskin's Sedona method and for how calm I managed to keep my voice given the pain of his words. I still believe he is the man I am supposed to marry. However, I have lost my unwaivering faith. Makebelieving has not helped me to regain it. His words were so clear and final they flood my emotions. I no longer feel that he has any love towards me and can't help but wonder if they were ever genuine. Still I try to use Dworskin's questions to release the pain. It helps, but I have not managed to completely release. I know I can't make it happen without the faith and the joy. I have continued to search the book for clues, but I am lost.
Kris Mc
Kris, I admire the effort you have made to win him back and know how difficult it can be to rely on inner methods alone. Yours is not a difficult case provided you are willing to follow the methods implicitly. Here are the steps:
1. You must clearly understand that external appearances do not reflect the reality. And you must have faith in it. It does not matter what he said on the phone. When the inner conditions are right, he will certainly come. I suggest you read this article Personality and Accomplishment in P&P, especially section 3 on Darcy. It illustrates how when the right inner attitude is taken, the most inconceivable results can be achieved. I am not asking you for wild, fantastic beliefs. More remarkable things happen every day. You must know that he can and will come back. There is no obstacle if you do not create one in your mind.
2. No external initiatives: no calls, no emails, no apologies. You have to do this in yourself.
3. Review the past relationship (as Darcy did) and look for points at which your attitude and behavior have been inappropriate. Feel sorry for them -- do not feel sorry for yourself! – regret that you were like that – it does not matter what he did on his side – and decide to be different and better in future. Feel happy about your self-awareness and knowledge, not sad. Be cheerful that you are becoming a better, more loving and loveable person.
4. Stop worrying about what you said or what you did or what he did. Focus on the one thing that is really important. Sending affectionate, emotional goodwill to him. A relationship is only meaningful if you love him. He will respond to your love, not your explanations.
5. Intensely aspire with patience and without expectations. The less you expect, the sooner it will come. If you do all this, he will surely come or THE BETTER PERSON YOU DESERVE FOR YOUR EFFORTS WILL COME IN HIS PLACE!
These two articles can also help: The Secret of Romance and Harmonious human relationships
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