Om Sai Ram
Yesterday was a hard day for me.....Since morning I was having some bad feelings which actually happened in the evening..... The only thing I know now is that I am now without any hopes, and everything ended yesterday.... I was saying "Om Sai Ram" when I was happy and I am saying "Om Sai Ram" when I am crying.... I dont want to think about it anymore as my thots go to the direction where I think that Baba has done this bad to me (which I dont want to think) So I just cry and say nothing...... I wish good luck to u all frends..... I hv killed my hopes myself after seeing what all is happening around me and I think tht was the only way which could have prevented me from committing suicide.... The incident which happened has left a blot on my faith and my mind..... not only my faith but the faith of those who prayed with me and for me.....
But still Sai is the supreme master I surrender myself to Him as it is His kingdom and I am too small to question Him....the master be cruel or gentle is the master afterall...... I would like to add that I dont have faith, patience and bhakti in my heart... It is Sai's grace by which I am able to take His name.......
I ask Baba to forgive me for all sins I have committed and I'll not ask Him for anything except this... I dont have any desire any wish.... Let the Master know that we mortal human beings, we feeble, tiny creatures don't have the right to wish.....Everything is governed by past Karma and you have to suffer for it....Then possibly there is no need for God..... Since I dont know the life beyond this life and have no curiosity or desire to get salvation, i really dont care what and how my fate is governed.....thus with all due respect to the King and my apologies if I said something wrong...... I again say "Victory to Sai"
I'll try to cope up with life as long as I can......Only one desire and only one wish....want to go back to my country and see my mother before I die....I dont even wish for that as if I am going to have some desire my bad luck will prevent it to happen........
Om Sai Ram