DwarkaMai - Sai Baba Forum
Prayers Section => Sai Baba Help Me => Topic started by: siddharthakala on June 22, 2009, 09:45:01 PM
-
Baba after everything that you have done to me I am starting to hate you. Even though I have not done anything wrong, you have made me look like a loser in front of everyone, and especially in front of myself. For whole of my life of 25 years You have always given me hope and the broken my heart, not just broke but smashed it into the wall. I have always believed in only one God, and thats you, but give me just one good reason for which I should trust you. You have always been taking things away from me, not just that you always show me that you could have given me the best thing but you wont. My father was a staunch believer of Yours but what happened to him, he committed suicide. I have always been craving for some support, guidance, a teacher, a helper, someone, just anyone, but I never had that and have always been feeling lonely. I never asked you for much, I have always asked you for a very simple and normal life. I never asked you for money but happiness, but why would you give me that. One after the other you have snatched away every little thing that I had. You fulfilled many of my wishes but in such a way that I had to regret in the end that I even asked you for that. You shook my world and took away everything that I ever had. You took away all of my friends. You turned each one of them against me. The only thing that have always craved for is friendship and support, and you made me look bad infront of all of them, even though I have not done anything that I have been blamed for. Maybe you dont know but it really hurts when your own friends stab in your back. But, how could you be satisfied with just that, you turned away the best girl of my life. She liked me and wanted to be with me, but when I wanted to talk to her exactly before that, you did something that would make her hate me. And this was not the first time something like that happened. You do it all the time no matter what it is related to. You really have a perfect timing. The way you supported all those liers and cheaters and haters is just amazing. This just gives me one lesson that only the people who are smart enough to lie, cheat and steal effectively are the ones who enjoy every fruit of life, and even you help those who do every possible bad thing that they can. People like me who are not so good in lying and cheating are the ones who suffer all the time. I cant even account my whole life, my pains and suffering here. But it really hurts when everytime you show me the best thing around me and give me that hope and then sbatch it right away, like you really hate me.
After all I have been through all my life, now I am left with nothing just the pain and suffering. You have closed every possible door to prove myself not guilty in front of my friends. I barely have any confidence left to do anything, because everytime I try to do something or try to fight, you would do something to make me a loser. No matter what I do or how I do it, it just turns out to be wrong. Everything I think of or try to do turns against me. I want to try and work hard like everyone else but I cant even do that anymore, cause when I would try to do something you would make it go bad and I would feel like you are laughing at me and saying that I wont let you do anything no matter what. I have done every possible thing to convince you but I just can take it anymore. I have tried every single thing that I could think of but nothing works for me. I am just sick and tired of being a loser all the time. I dont have any hope left in my life. I dont think anything is ever going to be good for me. The only thing I ask for is death, but why would you give me that, its the only fun you get. You really enjoy seeing me crying and craving for things as simple as a good sleep. My life is just a part of a joke for you and you really have nice time making things worse for me. But, please I beg you for the last time either give me a reason to live for or end this life right away. I am ready to pay the remainder of my sufferings in the next lives. I just cant bear it anymore.
I will be moving out of my apartment soon and as soon as I do that I will stop believing in you or any other form of God. You will have to convince me that you really care about me. You will have to answer me, atleast give me a valid reason for all my sufferings Only then I will start to worship you again. Now its upto you to decide if you want me back in your feet or not.
I apologize to all of the readers out here. I dont want to hurt any one of you by saying things like this about Baba. I am sincerely sorry if whatever I have written above makes you feel bad. But this was the only way I found to express myself to Baba. I am just extremely upset with everything that I have been through and the worst part of it came right after I went to Shirdi, where Baba fulfilled one of my wishes right away. I again apologize to all of you.
-
Dear Siddharth,
I can understand that you have been thru a lot of pain.
Personally i feel, from your words that you have written to Baba ... even though they may seem "wrong" ... i see a lot of your trust and faith on Baba coming through those words ... so personally speaking, somehow i do not mind what you have written ...
I can also understand that sometimes life takes you thru such a phase .... where you feel all alone and nothing is going your way ... you have no one to stand by you thru this phase .... you feel completely lost on hope .... and see no reason to continue this life ...
Siddharth, all i will say is that a lot of people go thru such phases in their lives ... and i am not saying this to make you feel that your pain is any lesser compared to others or anything .... but what i want to say is that there are come certain moments in each our lives when we stop and try to take a stock of our life ... These moments come more often than not due to some painful circumstances ... At these moments you try see what you have been thru and where you are headed ... currently you are at that moment in your life .... Trust me, these moments can be life changing if you can take charge of them ... that is, if you turn this moment from one of complaining to one of learning ...
Sid,
I realized a number of things abt myself too ... i know for a fact that my life is not going to be a bed of roses .... i know that i have not been chosen for a fairy tale story during this life ... i know for a fact that i am going to face a number of problems ...
I have done what i think is the only thing i can do - I have accepted this fact of my life .... i am trying to move ahead and i am trying to make the best of whatever life offers me - the rose or the thorns .. Even if its thorns after thorns, no problems... but not once am i going to tell Baba, "please take me out of this life". Absolutely not. I might get pain after pain after pain. But i will move on.
Not once am i going to say i am defeated and i dont want to continue any more.
And i have learnt all this from so many other devotees of Baba ... who have faced so many many more problems than me but are still leading very cheerful lives .... I have learnt all this from them ... Not once have these devotees asked Baba to take them out of their lives ... And these are all seemingly normal ppl like us ... And yet they carry so much inner strength. Bcos they have complete trust and faith in Baba ... and they have never lost hope that tomorrow will bring happiness. That is what we have to learn. Never lose hope on tomorrow.
Yes, of course ... we are all humans ... from time to time we will feel exhausted and hurt with all the pain ... we will all feel bad with the way some of our lives have turned out. We will all complain to Baba about this. But that will never let our hope in tomorrow diminish.
All i will say Sid is that - Do not lose hope. Never lose hope. Keep all your trust and faith in Baba ... take what ever is coming your way in life ... Trust Baba.... there will be happiness very soon in your life .... Never lose that hope in your life. Sometimes the path of thorns ahead can be an illusion .... as you begin to walk on that ... Baba, pleased with your devotion, will turn those thorns into a bed of roses ... Always keep that hope in you ...
I am sure Baba will bless you Sid .... just keep an unconditional love, faith and devotion in Baba always ... at every stage of your life.
Om Sai Ram ...
-
This ones for you Sid....
"To have faith is to defy logic. It takes faith to think positively. It takes faith to believe that there is a loving God who cares deeply about our pain. To believe in life, the universe, or yourself after numerous failures is to have courage. Faith is an act of courage. It is choosing to get up in the morning and face our fears and believe that God will help us. Faith is choosing to believe that even though we may have failed one hundred times before that we can succeed the next time."
-
One more... Hopeful Future...
It is okay,
To feel sorrow.
To morn,
When good times,
Are in the past,
And trials,
Have come to present.
Look
To the future,
With hope,
For without hope...
There is no true life.
-
"Some people hurt us in many ways. They left us alone and suffer from miserable life. But no matter what pains we are in, we still have faith and we hope that our lives will be lighted in a way that we'll be free from the shadows of loneliness and pain. Yes, there is always hope for every darkness in our lives. We just need to have hope and believe we can be free from such pain."
In some others pretty eyes
There's a great painful disguise
Disguise that dressed their lonely heart
With devastating cuts that ever hurt.
Their smiles turned into sobs
Their laughter turned into screams
Their days turned into nights
And their joys turned into sorrows.
But no matter what caused their pains
They move forward as they wipe their tears
For in every beat of a lonely heart
There is hope that lights the path.
:) None of these are my own. But they do explain what I mean to say.
-
Om Sai Ram,
Dear Siddharthakala Ji, I'm really sorry to see what you are going through.
Now that you have made your feelings known and cleared your chest, how do you feel?
Well, you may not feel any different maybe.
At some point in our lives we will all go through some very sad times.
Otherwise we will not appreciate the good times.
Now that you do not have to worry about the back stabbers anymore, is a step in the right direction.
These are very testing times and you will pass with flying colours.
Please be strong, only you can control your own destiny.
Sow a thought, and you reap an act;
Sow an act, and you reap a habit;
Sow a habit, and you reap a character;
Sow a character, and you reap a destiny.
Om Sai Ram.
-
Dear beta siddartha,
please try to believe in yourself first that will help you to gain confidence. and please be strong.Everything willbe allright.
SAI KE DURBAAR ME DER HO SAKATA HAI PAR ANDHER KABHI NAHI ISSLIYE APNE MUN KO SAMJHAVO MERE BACHHE, JAB BURAAYI HAI TOH ACHHAYI BHI HOTI HI HAA NAA?
please read the post written by smg-Ultimate faith in divine will -section philosophy & spirituality-posted on21st june.-A VERY NICE POST.
I think you get at least few answers to your problem.
Rr bachhe aur Ww hamesha ki tarah aap ka jawaab bahut hi la-jawaab hai.
Keep it up mere ladalo---saibaba aap par krupa banaaye rakhe.
om shri saibabaya namaha.
-
Dear Siddharta , I would look at your post a little differently. I think what you are experiencing is not "HATE" in the real sense of the term but "FRUSTRATION" at having your prayers unanswered many times. It is like when a child tells his or her parents "I hate you" when he or she doesnt get something she wants badly. Well as a consolation all that i can offer you is that "You are not the only one suffering" and "Your prayers to god are keeping you from more excrutiating pains , which you may have experienced had you not believed in or prayed to god". Let me give you an exampe , You have just bought a brand new car and on the way from the saloon you meet with an accident . the brand new car is totally crushed up but you are unhurt .what would you say "I lost my brand new car god and you are responsible for it " or "Thank god atleast i was not physically impaired in the accident " ? Food for thought isnt it ? God bless. Om Shri Sainathaya Namaha.
-
jai sai ram
sidharthakala ji
im sorry for all bad times n experiences uve been goin thru,i knw ure just broken,many things in life may not work well, n bad times may take a long time to go awaya but there is always light after darkness,u feel baba doesnt care abt u,doesnt help u but eve if there is a small thing that makes u happy thats baba doin it for u,he is just testing u,i knw the longer it is takin the harde t is gettin for u but all he is doin is that he is seeing how much sharadha n saburi u have,just keep praying have faith on him,im sure he wil surely help u out soon,just tel him that no matter wat ur keep hanging onto him coz no matter wat he loves u.
n all that u wrote, no need not be sorry for that becoz anyone can sense love in it,ure just fustrated n nthing else,u can tel baba watever u feel,u love him so u wrote all that.just be strong.
baba ur child is in abig mess, plz help him out,plz get all misires of life away frm him,plz make him realise that ur watching him n u care ffor him n love him lot,plz help him baba n show him that there's lot of good instored for him in future.
sid,just keep faith.
jai sai ram
-
Siddarthakala ji though I'am too small a person and a heavy sinner at that to say anything, but I feel from Baba's answers in the TV programs of Sai Saccaritra Q&A sessions, that BABA somehow is showing you the other path. He wants to lead you to the ENLIGTENED PATH and that is why somehow he is trying to destroy the Maya (material) and wordly attachments in you.
However I feel that more enligtened people like RAVIji, v2biritji, Ganeshji, Subhasriniji would be able to explain better.
I'am sorry if I hurt your feelings in any way
-
Siddhartha,
I am not much older than u or so knowledgeable to say the right things...as anupam said there are better people to explain better...but all i can say is as a friend....
Hang in there!! Baba will always be with u...if u really hated baba u wudnt make the ffort to type in here or even vent ur frustrations to him...we all have those times when we fight with baba and we can do this only when we love him a lot...trust me...baba will give u so much happiness that u will be overwhelmed....Please dont lose faith or hope in life....Everything will be fine!!! This shall pass too!! Dont think u have no one..BABA is with us always and now u have a family in dwarakamai..we r all here for u...
Om sai ram
-
Siddharthaji you seem to be in pain and you seem to be much elder than me and much more experienced in life .Good that you are conveying to Baba whatever you are feelings are.Trust me Baba will have a purpose behind everything.
What sort of friends are they?I mean who back stab and then do not trust you.You need not explain anything to them.Trust me do not waste your time trying to convince them , try understanding yourself and relax.Time heals everything.
Jai sainath
-
siddharth
i can understand that u had been through a lot of painful circumstances
the only thing i can do for u is to pray
and i will definitely do that for u
and trust me baba loves u more than anyone else.that's why he is testing you.
when so many peoples are praying for you,who tells that u r not getting anything in life.
u have most precious thing with you.'sai nath' in your heart.
and the person with this heart cant ever hate anyone in life
may sai give all happiness to you in your life
-
Siddarthji somehow Baba wants to give you "everything" that's why he is taking "something". If you read the life histories of Saints whether old or present Saints, ALL OF THEM "ALL" FACED very difficult situations in life. Kindly take refuge in BABA SAI'S NAME rather than BABA. RAM SE BADA RAM KA NAAM. Om Sai Ra.
sOMETIMES WE "HAVE" to fight with SAI MAA.
-
Well said Anupam ji. God Bless. Om Sairam.
-
Dear siddharth,
i can understand the pain and sorrow u have been undergoing,
As u said, cheaters and liers have the right to enjoy the fruits of life...its absolutely wrong dear,
One enjoys / suffers on this earth according to ones karmas...
One may b very good and leading a righteous life in this incarnation but they must have done something wrong in their past lives which is carried forward to this life,and the consequences of those bad karmas we have to reap in this life time,if not in next life.....so long we have those karmas attached to us ,our cycle of death and birth never comes to an end...You know well ,union of atman with paramatman {salvation} ends these life cycles..
Infact feel happy all your bad karmas are getting cleared,
These are the lessons i learnt by being in this spiritual path,but never leave this path...
God will never let His children fail,strongly believe this....there must be some strong reason why too many kick backs in your life...You may not know why it all happened now,But TIME will answer you everything...
Regarding your girl friend also ,One reason could be !} Baba must have felt shes not the right person for you
2} You must have done the same thing for some girl in your last life...
Inspite of all negative things in your life,still i beg you not to leave this path,because this is the time where u require God most ,no one else can give you any solace better then HIM...
Wait siddharth,He will answer you,let this phase pass and all the doubts u expressed on this forum will be answered...
many times even i questioned myself why its happening with me,but i used to get the convincing answer,sooner or later..
HAVE FAITH AND PERSEVERANCE,,
BABA LOVES YOU,STILL HES WAITING FOR YOU ,PLEASE GO BACK SIDDARTH.....
God bless you,
Jaiguru....
-
Siddharth,
If only you look around you will see what Baba has done here at this very forum with just one post from you.
You say you looked for loving, guiding support, a teacher, a helper, a friend... just anyone.
If only you read a few posts after that you'll see - someone called you friend, beta, someone who guided you, someone who tried to restore faith in you, someone who asked you to keep hope and hang on, someone who showed you how strong and better you are, someone who somewhere gave you the answer to your 'why me' question, someone who is praying for you, at least 2-3 people who understand 'its frustration' not hate... people wanting to understand you and shower you with love, support, prayers and blessings.
Now, please re-read Anupamji's post.
People hurt us Siddharth. They hurt us all the time. No one on earth said all would be good to us. In fact, theres not a single person on earth who will not hurt us at some point of time in life. We are all human Siddharth. Its natural. We hurt knowingly-unknowingly. I'm not saying its ok. Am saying its human. Those who caused hurt did the best their brains could think of at that point of time. May not be right, but people always do the best they can given the circumstances. Many a times it turns out to be wrong, hurtful to others, selfish and deciving. But thats all they could do at that point of time. Their soul was not mature enough to understand and feel your pain or the consequences. And the account of their actions is for them to settle with God and themselves.
What is it that we can do now... for ourselves? Forgiveness Siddharth. Forgiveness is the best gift one can give oneself. As difficult and hurtful as it may sound (and trust me it is difficult)... forgiveness is the only way out! Your not forgiving people will not make any difference to them. But it will to you. Until the bitterness remains, you're going to be in pain. You've already been thru so much. Why nurture and pamper the pain more by remembering all those people? Is it worth ruining your life and peace? Don't u seek peace? Then let them be. Just think of them as immature souls and forgive them and move ahead in life Siddharth.
God doesn't make a looser out of us Siddharth. He makes us fight and fight and fight till we get better and better and stronger! They say Siddharth, God is more interested IN THE GROWTH OF OUR SOULS THAN OUR CURRENT COMFORT.
Maybe thats why... :)
We're all praying for you Siddharth. We are all here a complete family. And we are not letting go of you. Each one here wants to see you stronger, wiser, happier and at peace. Each one wants you to be an inspiration for millions of others who maybe going thru a similar situation as yours.
You asked why Sai Baba does this to you? Maybe He wants YOU to be that one inspiration for millions who face many, many, many troubles in life. No one is a looser in life Siddharth. No man, however worse the situation can be one.
ONE CANNOT LOOSE WHEN ONE HAS GOD WITHIN. LET THE GOD WITHIN YOU WIN SIDDHARTH.
YOU CANNOT BE WEAK SIDDHARTH... YOU ARE THE STRENGTH.
FOR THERE IS NOTHING YOU ARE MADE UP OF BUT THE LIGHT OF GOD!
Please tell yourself the minute you feel low.
THERE CAN BE NO DARKNESS AROUND FOR I AM THE LIGHT!
THERE CAN BE NO HATERED, FOR I AM LOVE
THERE CAN BE NO LONELINESS & SORROW, FOR I AM BLISS
THERE CAN BE NO WEAKNESS, FOR I AM STRENGTH
THERE CAN BE NO DEATH, FOR I AM LIFE
Life is about choices Siddharth. START AFRESH AND CHOOSE LOVE, LIFE & LIGHT!
We are all there with you... through this entire journey. No one is lonely, for we're all on the same path... with the same goal... reaching God...
Om Sai Ram
-
I know sometimes I also get that feeling. But BABA takes his own time to get things straight in our life. At the end it will all happen for good. BABA please don't make your devotees go through such pain. Please help us. Baba will listen to your prayer and show you some miracle soon so that you will know that BABA is right here with you.
-
Thanks a lot. I really appreciate the response from everyone. I am just sick of living like this. Maybe I am expecting too much from Baba. Maybe I deserve everything or maybe not. I cant discriminate right from wrong anymore. I dont know what should I do. Whatever I do just makes things worse. I had just a little hope left and I am losing on that too.
After everything that I have been through, I am just left with nothing. I cant sleep, I cant eat, I have lost all the confidence, I dont go out anywhere, I dont talk to anyone, and the worst part is I just graduated and have to find a job for myself exactly at the time when the economy is not doing so well and I am not in a condition to do anything on my own.
I am just really upset with Baba. My condition is getting worse day by day but he is just watching and letting everything happen like He dosnt care. Its not that I am asking Him to give me everything without me doing anything. I want to work hard, much harder than anyone else, but, I just ask for His support and guidance. I never ask Him to make me a milliionaire or a celebrity. I am just asking for my share of happiness. Or atleast give me the reason for my pains and sorrows. I dont say that I am the only one suffering here or that my pains more acute than anyone else's but I am not strong enough to bear everything on my own. I just ask Him to give me enough strength to fight everything But He is just watching over me. Everytime I doubt His existence, He would do something exactly at the same time, which would be much more than just a mere coincidence or a miracle. But now I dont know if there is any God or Heavens. I just give up on my life. I have the white flag right above my head. Just do whatever you feel is right. I am done trying to make things better each and everyday. I tried to do everything that I could but nothing works. Maybe this is my fate. Whatever He has decided for me He should know. I am done crying each and everyday in front of your picture. I dont even care about that anymore. If He cares about me He would convince me otherwise whatever happens is all His will.
-
Hi SiddharthaKala, We all see your frustration. Please stop thinking all the things at the same time. It will do nothing but overwhelm you. Think of one problem at a time. There is no need for you to justify to people that you are innocent. You have to justify every one of your actions only to baba. When time is bad even when you try to do good it will turn out to be baad. But that does not make you a bad person. Stop worrying about everyone.
we think that we should make everyone around us happy. we are ready to lose everything and suffer. we think we are suffering for others. But that is foolishness. We can never make anybody happy. We can only make ourselves happy. Happiness comes from Hope. Hope comes from faith. Please try to be happy. God will only help us when we try to do something from our end. He gives you the push when you start trying. Everyday when you get up think you are going to be happy today and start the day. Keep telling that to yourself all day. Keep remembering baba when it is tough. I am sure it will take time. But surely one day you will be effortlessly happy.
I am sorry if i said anything to hurt your feelings. I will pray to baba to give you the strength to see baba everyday and in everything you do. Please trust him. We all are in this together. Please do not consider yourself to be alone. We all are your family and we are here to help you.
Om sairam
-
Siddarthkalaji, the fact is that actually we do not face the effects of only our Karmas. It is written in Holy scriptures that the Karmas of our past 7 generations effect us. It maybe some ancestor who might be trapped in darkness also called Pitrurinh (ancestors debts ) which we might be clearing. Also it is another fact also that the dark and negetive forces always try their utmost to divert people from enlightened path by creating supposedly unsurmountable difficulties.
But it seems to me that more than anything else, BABA wants to break all your shackles. I see Baba's infinite love as you are much enlightened and he wants you to taste the BLISS OR GOD. The people who have destroyed your reputation no doubt aredriven by dark forces, but Baba is not acting in the manner because he wants to show you the very temporary nature of the earthly relationships and break your EGO and ATTACHMENTS. I know it is hard and I'am not one of the enligtened people but this is what I hear from Saints. AND I FEEL THE BEST WAY TO MAKE BABA ACT IS NOW TO "FORCE" HIM TO SHOW LIGHT AND LEAD YOU.
Yes the way is to wash your Karmas and wipe the negetive forces by CONTINUOUS JAAP TO INCREASE THE POSITIVE FORCES IN LIFE RATHER THAN THINK AND INCREASE NEGETIVITY, It is mentioned in scriptures and mentioned by Saints, that more negetive we think the more the negetive powers have control over us and more torment we will undergo.
Leave SAI, FOR SOME TIME AND TAKE REFUGE OF HIS HOLY SWEET NAME. IT IS THE FACT THAT MORE THAN GOD HIS NAME IS MORE POTENT. THAN "HE WIIL HAVE TO ACT", here even GOD IS HELPLESS IN FRONT OF HIS BHAKTA.
THERE IS A STORY In BHAGWAT ABOUT RAJA AMBRISH, He was a great Krishna Bhakta in the sense that always Narayan's name was at his tounge so much so that it ran in his breaths. One day Maharishi Durvasa 9who was Lord Shiva's incarnation) got angry with him and tried to curse him, as soon as he thought about it Sudarshan Chakra appeared and got after Maharishi Durvasa. He ran to Brahma who expressed his helplessness, he then went to Lord Shiva who also was unable to do anything. Maharishi Durvasa covered all Lokas but with no help. FINALLY HE WENT TO KRISHNA HIMSELF TO GET SUDARSHANA OFF HIS BACK, "BUT EVEN KRISHNA WAS UNABLE TO DO THAT". Lord Krishna asked him to run and ask forgiveness from Rajan Ambrish himself and if he forgives Maharishi Durvasa only then Sudarshan will go back. AND IT WAS ONLY WHEN RAJA AMBRISH FORGAVE MAHARISHI was Sudarshan Chakra pacified and returned to Lord Krishna, otherwise even Lord Krishna was helpless. AND RAJA AMBRISH had never had any darshan of Lord Krishna unlike Mharishi Durvasa who could visit any Loka on free will. SUCH IS THE POWER OF THE NAME, TAKE THE REFUGE OF BABA'S SWEET NAME.
-
Excellen post Anupam ji. Please keep enlightening us with such posts. Om Sairam.
-
very nicely explained Anupam ji .. thank you ...
-
Thanks Ganeshji and rr_sai_bhaktji, my appeal to Siddartha ji is just get out of the depression he is feeling and just go after Baba. Baba wants unconditional surrender, when we do it it becomes Baba's duty to give us all we require. Siddarthaji to face the wind you have to create a tornado in opposite direction