My love n marriage...which one to choose

[prajna]

I’m love in with a person. I want him back. Now I’m married to some other person. I got married just for my family I said ok for the marriage just because my mom had seen many alliances and she was tried. . My marriage was fixed and then I fell in love with this person. Why did baba let this happen? Why that person came when everything was set? Each and every step told me that I’m his. Like he put sindoor. Later before I could get married I got mangalsutra from his muhboli mom (my colleague). Even before marriage I used to feel that something will happen n I’ll be back n marry him. Why didn’t that happen? We are deeply in love with each other. Even now we care for each other. Still support each other in everything. Can’t I go back to him without creating problems to any of the families. I know what I think is wrong. Now hez also engaged to a girl as his family forced him to because they also didn’t want him to go into sadness.

I’m trying to adjust to my husband n his family. Last one month was horrible for me. They were like controlling me. Doubting on each and everything. Too many restriction. I’m a girl who is always free and open minded. They are too superstitious. I love to be down to earth. They are showing off. They asked me to keep my gold there in India. My husband works in UAE and me in Qatar. It takes time for him to get visa. I had taken his permission to work in Qatar till then. My dad n my aunt are here in Qatar. Mom Comes once in while as my sisters study in India. My in-laws put condition for that also. They want me to be in India and do their seva. They want me to be in a cage. They keep cursing my co-sis. She is good but doesn’t like their behaviour and is staying separate now. I don’t know how I spent 1 month there. Even my husband is supporting my in-laws. He doesn’t make his own decisions. He depends on them for each n everything. He tells them word by word whatever happened between us. His earning is not that good as compared to mine. I don’t mind that. But I want him to improve. He doesn’t listen to my words. Instead he finds negative things in what I say. I want him to be independent. Even now when he calls, if I say that I’m going to my frenz place he’ll ask me not to go. Even if she is a girl.


This is not the only thing. There are many things which baba knows n I’m sure he’ll solve all my problems.

I want babas help on this. Whether I should try adjusting to a family n husband who are totally different n don’t understand me or should I get my love who still cares for me.


SAI RAM

[OmSaiRamNowOn]

SaiRam Prajna Dear, first of all welcome to the blessed Sai Mandir and family.
I would like to present some thoughts..do not mean any offense so just take it coming from a friend or sister.

To be very humble, overlook others faults and suffer humilation, perform duties without any expectations - these require lot of courage and heart and not everone is raised with such values or remembers all the time or has the desire to do so. Often life experiences teach us these values or sometimes we are v open to hear it from others and follow such teachings ( what SAI taught) in our lives.

Your falling in love and meeting this guy before marriage- is all rinubandha- from past unfinished business which has come back to finish its cycle.  This relationship had to happen for you in this life and also God wants to see how you deal with it  given all temptations. But also you are married now. So now that has happened which you have duty for ( your marriage)- elders chose a path for you. You can choose to take action and get out of marriage-  hoping to be happy in a love marriage because that opportunity has been presented to you. And also you can choose to gradually end this love relationship and do what is right.

I have learnt in this life- from what little I know - that always do what is right. And how do we know what is right - follow the guidelines/teachings given by saints or elders. You can never be wrong - how hulimiating the path might be. But if you decide to act with your heart - which may hurt several people - which may be against what is right as per teachings..results will be similar.

May Sai bless you to do the right thing whatever that may be.

Aum Sai Ram !
SAI SAI SAI SAI SAI
SAI SAI SAI SAI
SAI SAI

-Anju

[mysai]

Baba bless you and guide you!!!

JAI SRI AKHANDAKOTI BRAMHANDANAYAKA RAJADHIRAJA YOGIRAJA PARABRAMHA SRI SATCHITANANDA SAMARTHA SADGURU SAINATH MAHARAJ KI JAI!!!

-keerti

[mysai]

Be patient and meditate on Sai Maa...He will surely tell you what to
do...Jap Sai Naam whenever possible. SAI will be with you.

JAI SRI AKHANDAKOTI BRAMHANDANAYAKA RAJADHIRAJA YOGIRAJA PARABRAMHA SRI SATCHITANANDA SAMARTHA SADGURU SAINATH MAHARAJ KI JAI!!!

-keerti

[padmaravi]

Dear Prajna,

I can understand your feelings and i have crossed so many hurdles right from 20 years and used to pray continuosly to god to get rid of the sufferings but it will take time to pass. The past karma what we have done knowingly or unknowingly will influence our life either like financial crisis or by these sort of emotional feeling blocks.

I would like to highlight a small example - A mother delivers a child, the moment when it comes out and feels the arrival it cries  you know why?
Whenit is in the womb, it enjoys oxygen food and all the basic needs from mother but when it comes to world first time it felt difficult to inhale the oxygen and out of that pain it tries so much to inhale and exhale the air after in due course of time the child used to this process and becomes  comfortable and happy.

As this example is aptly suits you as so far you are like a child under the shadow of  baba and now he made you to realise the worldly events and makes you to be strong and immune so that you will definetely  cross all the hurdles what you are now experiencing in life. In due course of time you will be comfortable and will be happy. that doesn't mean you are out of his shadow. These are all his tests to his devotees to become more polite, strong , kind and so on., we can add qualities. he purifies us in so many ways like this. so don't worry he is always with you and help you to solve this situation.

My heartly suggestion is that now on divert your mind and soul other than your old love and present marriage problems. As far as possible be calm and don't react and think negatively as i know this is a very difficult task, but if you do this successfully you will come out of this problem. don't be sensitive and give importance to other gossips. please chant sai baba's slogan as many as you can.

Om sai Ram, Om Sai sri sai jai jai sai.

padmaravi

[prajna]

Dear Padma didi,

Sai ram!

thanx for ur message.

This is the mail which i sent to anju didi.

how can we decide what is right and what is wrong? Is going against ourself just for others sake is true. we did the same, i got married to that person just for my family. Thinking that i shouldnt be hurting them. Instead what have i achieved? i'm not happy with my husband. I thought i will accept him. but there are so many differences. like hez not that educated. doesnt speak english properly. doesnt understand me. he himself speaks less but complains that i speak very little. he tells each n everything to his dad. watever happens between us that also. he does whatever his father says. infact i had taken his permission to work in qatar before marriage itself. now his parents n him want me to go back to india in 2-3 months n stay there until i get my visa. staying there is ok if they are broad minded. they wouldnt allow me to go out in the evening with my husband itself. cant expect them to leave me free when i'm alone there. infact if i would take a little big bag while going to my momz place, inlaw wud question on that also. infact they called my mom for a discussion. like i b busy on phone. i dont talk much with them. how can i speak to a person who speak unwanted things. they keep cursing my brother-in-law and co-sis while they r good. i dont want to b a part of cursing n gossiping. they hav rules n customs for me but they themself doesnt follow that. itz not only my view point. even my mom n others observed. they had put jus mangalsutra n 2 bangles for marriage. i had many jewels from my relatives. they asked me to keep my jewels there with them. when my mom told that she wants to wear there he asked for wat she has to wear. while i expect my husband to understand me n support he supports his parents. when i'm given him ideas to improve himself like read books, talk to people in english, he takes it in a wrong way. i really dont know what to do. i had the feeling that this relation wont work even before marriage. infact i had asked my to cancel it also even before i fell in love. Now that i know that there was someone who always cared, understood was ready to anything for me and i left him just for parents i get hurt.

Is hurting ourself, not being true to ourself right? i will always love that person and pretend that i love my husband, is it right?

I'm waiting for answers from Baba. Infact before marriage i had got the indication from Devi that we will help u with ur relation with ur love. Jus agree for marriage now. So far watever i have felt it has come true. I'm still waiting for this to come true.

I'm waiting for Baba's miracle.

Now coming to ur msg. U asked me to forget both my love n husband n concentrate on some other thing. Whenever i try doing that my husband keeps coming with his complaints. he is like a kid. even if i dont msg him he calls shiva- family fren n checks whether i miss him or not. how can i stay out of it? recently i went out with my fren sushma. he didnt want me to go alone with her. he asked me to take my dad, aunt or shiva (family fren- jus like my dad). while my parents dont bother as they knw sushma n her husband very well. i was very strong before. i used to support others in their problems. i had solved many peoplez problem. Now i'm trapped n i have become so weak - physically n mentally both. seeking babaz help to come out of it.

Om Sai Ram

[Swetha Suresh]

Dear Prajna

i know what you are undergoing mentally...not that i have faced something of that sort but i know what suspicions can lead to......

i am at a stage in life when Baba is my sole hope there are times when i tell him that he is done nothing good to me so i will not pray to him at all but i also understand one thing that he is the only one who can do good to everyone ....i sometimes talk to him and fell very releived ....

Practice reading Sai Charitra..... try doing nine thrusdays Vrat ...i have started getting very good results i know you too will get it ...my faith and trust on baba has gone up very high ..... try talking to your husband as if you are talking to a kid for that matter your own kid try to go in to his way and if still things dont work out...both of you  to start a fresh start ...i know baba will never leave you beacuse all our hearts are his dwarkamai......

dont dishearten yourself..remember one thing...Sai is our mother ..no mother will want to give her child Poison ...sai will have all goods assured for you ... as long a s you truely believe in him and surrender to him fully you cannot reap his fruits of wisdom and peace ...

Leave it to him he will do you all good

Swetha

[Swetha Suresh]

Sai ram

u can download the vrat  procedures from

http://saileelas.org/books/saivrata.htm

Swetha

[Swetha Suresh]

saw this Pooja interesting. You will reap the rewards in no time, when you do this Vrath. May sai bless you with all his grace to do this vrat properly and answer your prayers :

Story behind the sai vrat pooja :

Kokilaben and her husband Maheshbhai used to live in a big city and they had lots of love for each other. But Maheshbhai’s nature was very annoying and he had no sense of talking. Neighbors were also very much frustrated by his this kind of nature. Kokilaben had lots of faith in GOD and she was very religious.

She was tolerating all her problems silently having lots of faith in GOD that GOD will make everything all right one day. But because of Maheshbhai’s nature, their business went down gradually and there was not enough income. He started staying at home all day and his nature become worst.
It was an afternoon. One old saint came to Kokilaben’s door. There was enormous light on his face. And he asked for rice and dal (lentils). Kokilaben gave him rice and dal and she folded her both hands and said “namste” (greetings).

Saint replied “SAI will always keep you happy.” Kokilaben said “There is no happiness in my life” and she told all her problems to the saint.
After listening to all her problems, Saint told her about

“SAI NAV (NINE) GURUWAR (THURSDAY) VRAT”.

Saint told as follows about the Vrat.

· This Vrath can be started from any Thursday by uttering SAI BABA’s name.

· This Vrath has to be continued for 9 Thursdays.

· Any male, female or child can do this Vrat.

· On these Nine Thursday, individual who is doing vrat can eat fruit/milk/sweets etc. all day long or can have one meal a day. ONE MUST NOT DO THIS VRAT WITHOUT EATING ANYTHING.

· If possible, go to SAI BABA’s temple to have SAIBABA’s darshan on these Nine Thursday.

· At home, do pooja / prayer of SAI BABA as follows.

· In the morning or in the evening, do the pooja as mentioned below.

· Put Yellow Cloth in front of you and place SAI BABA’s Photo or Statue on this cloth.

· Light lamp (diya) in front of BABA’s picture.

· Wash or wipe BABA’s picture with clean water and cloth.

· Put “tikka (Bindi on the forehead)” with “kumkum” (red powder) on BABA’s face.

· Offer Yellow Flower to BABA.

· Offer Fruit or Sweets to BABA as Naivadhya (Prasad)

· Read this SAI story and Read / Sing SAIBABA’s Aarti after finishing Pooja and reading story.

· Tell BABA why you are doing this Vrat and ask him to fulfill your wish.

· Give Prasad to all your friends and family members and you also eat it some.

· If, because of any reason, you cannot do vrat on any Thursday, skip that Thursday and continue from the next Thursday.

· If female is doing this Vrat, skip the Thursday during Menstrual Cycle period.

· On the 9th Thursday, Celebrate SAI VRAT. In this celebration process, feed 5 poor people and distribute this SAI VRAT book among people. One can give 5, 11 or 21 etc.

· Put this SAI VRAT Story Book or printed paper , which you are going to distribute among people, when you do pooja and then give them to people. By doing this, their wishes will be fulfilled very soon too.

· All wishes will be fulfilled by doing this vrat.

In this Kali Age (Kaliyug), this vrat is very effective. This vrat will give desired fruit to doer but doer must have full faith and patience. Whoever will distribute this SAI VRAT book among people and make good name of SAI and this Vrat, their all wishes will be fulfilled.

After listening about this SAI VRAT from Saint, Kokilaben also decided to do this vrat. She started Vrat from the Thursday. And she finished 8 Guruwars with full faith. On the 9th Guruwar, she fed poor people and distributed SAI VRAT books among friends and relatives.

As soon as she finished the Vrat, all the quarrels vanished from her house. Prosperity, happiness and peace spread in her home. Maheshbhai’s nature was changed completely. Their business started doing well. And in no time, they got all the happiness and prosperity.

Both husband and wife started living happily. One day Kokilaben’s sister-in-law and brother-in-law came from Surat. Her sister-in-law was talking with Kokilaben. The former said that her kids were not studying and getting failed in exams. Kokilaben told her about SAI VRAT. She said “SAI devotion will make education better. Have faith in SAI BABA. HE helps everyone.” Kokilaben’s sister-in-law asked the detail of the vrat.

Kokilaben told about the SAI VRAT in detail. And explained her everything about the vrat. Her sister-in-law went to Surat and she sent a letter after few days. She wrote that her children have started doing SAI VRAT and now they are studying very well. She also did Vrat and distributed SAI VRAT book in her office. One of her friend, who had very hard time in getting married, got married to a very nice man after started doing SAI VRAT. Her neighbor has also started doing SAI VRAT and she got her stolen jewelry box back. It was a great miracle.

Hey SAI BABA , as you have blessed these people, please bless all of us too.


http://www.starsai.com/sai-vrat-pooja.html

Jaisairam.

subhasrini
OM SAI SRI SAI JAYA JAYA SAI!!!
Let us pray at the feet of Sai Baba who is the incarnation of all gods and protector of all, to show mercy on us, and increase our devotion towards him.

[Swetha Suresh]

Dear Prajna...

I have gone thru the trail of ur mails now ......Let me ask you one thing what is your actual problem being in love with your friend or  your husband's nature ?......

I was married at the age when people dont even think about marriage at the age of 19 years ...one week after i finished my UG exams...in ur mails to Anjuji you have written that ur husband does not speak english ...is that all what you can expect of your husband ...i dont think that that is some qualification that is must for any husband...all you should see is that he is true loving and loyal to you..... if he is sharing everything with his father then he does not find you there to console him and listen to...make yourself available and then see what happens ...dont want to get in detail with your personal affairs.....

if you want to get back to your lover be frank and bold enough to face the music....if i were in your place i would have accepted this life been frank with my husband and then started it all over again .....think it this way maybe Sai has given you this life because he thinks it has more happiness instored for you here .....see loving is not a crime nor is it something wrong....at the same time breaking off a relationship is  very easy however making one is very very difficult.....

think over

Swetha

[Swetha Suresh]

i am very happy to read your answer ...let me tell you one thing...i too am more or less like you ... a mother to my husband but i find immense joy doing that ....

i know it is very easy to advise others but to self practise is difficult remember one thing you are a very strong lady ...whenever things don't go your way try saying  "thank you Sai ...but i am sorry for what you have done "

i know you can be very strong more than what you are .....you are emotionally disturbed .... and your husband has a lot of male ego.do you think he will be happy with what you are undergoing.....?it is not suspicion  it is a fear of losing you....tell him and make him feel that you are there for him....make him understand that you will support him whatever come ...i know that is what he must be longing for ..try telling him his disclosures to his family trouble's you .....

Whatever you are asking for is what every girl will definately want of her marriage...the most important bond here is love .....where do you want to bond that beautiful bond of love ..... You dont sound like a kid you sound helpless ....You want to accept this life but you have a fear within ....try sorting things out....

Believe that you can do it ....

you will definately do it...even then if you still feel you love your friend then i think you hae made a totally wrong choice ....

Sai is never done anything bad to anyone .....he is the one to whom we all have surrendered....Sai will definately do good to you....being  a sai devottee one must always find him by themselves with his hand of grace showering on them ...just that you have to try attempting to hold his hand ....

Sai Ram

[sai-diwani]

Swetha,

Can you please tell me about "nine thrusdays Vrat"

Thanks

[padmaravi]

Hi prajana,

Thanks for your reply. Om sai Ram.

Sister, you have mistaken my words in the mail as i have not asked you to forget your husband . I asked your to divert your mind time being for your mind and heart relaxation.

Then my kind suggestion is don't think any week points of your husband as he is less education, unable to speak english etc. One famous saying in our local language is " for every success in a man there stands behind his wife/ mother/ sister.( say a female portrait).

So please pray baba and sweety for sometime try to follow your husband instructions and please him. If he is acting rough be smoother with him , then see the result.

I will tell you one thing, if a man seems to be rough outwards and doesn't know how to express his luv towards others, they are like child. IT is our responsibilty to teach them in a proper way and see you will also have a happy married life.Try to see the positive aspects of your hubby. this is my kind suggestion.

Om sai sri sai jai jai sai.

Dear baba,

Prjana is travelling without a light in dark road, please show her your grace and enlighten her life with joy.

Shiridi varthahe vithmahe sachidhanandaya deemaki thnao sai prajodayath.



padmaravi

[prajna]

I dont have any problem with his qualification. education to me is not speaking good english or hav big qualification next to ur name. Itz how u deal with ur life n people. How u communicate with them. how u b in a social circle. how u view ur life. Thatz y i said yes for the marriage. Qualification can be gained at any time but the real u sud be strong. I want him to be that. Self dependent, move with people, know people, interact with them, understand life, try to solve problems on ur own, show interest in your work not jus showoff, dont interfere in other personal matter, dont gossip, ....

i dont know may b i'm sounding like a kid. The first time i met him i felt like a mother n i was protective to him even now i'm doing the same. treating him as my kid.

I was expecting for someone who can take care of me after marriage. now its the other way. i'm happy that God thinks that i'm capable of taking care of someone.

Yes. I'm concentrating on other things and keeping my heart n mind both relaxed n happy.

Om Sai Ram.

Prajna

[Riya]

Dear Prajna

I go thru ur articles. Sometimes u are in a problem and u are not able to choose one direction. Ur situation is really very critical . Every girl needs a good companion and with him he can fight every battle of her life. I just want to say " don't loose heart. If baba tied ur knot he must have good plans for you. Take your decision with Baba name.

I wish and pray that Baba guide you to choose right path of ur life and fulfill ur all wishes with ur right partner.

Always remember
Think positively ,Have some faith , keep your shradha ,Do Sai Bhakti , jap Sai Nam and keep rest on your Karma.

Riya