Question on Request Made to Baba

[saiaadhar]

I have a question to ask. When I went to Shirdi this year I asked Baba to fulfill my specific wish. I gave up something as a difficult Mannat, and woved that I will only break this mannat after Baba fulfills my wish and I visit Shirdi. However, though it was a tough mannat, I did it because I really wanted my wish to come true. This summer then, I lost all hopes (lack of Shraddha and Saburi on my part, I am truly repentful for my grave mistake) and gave up the mannat in anger. I don't know if it was anger or hopelessness, but I was so disheartened that I told to Baba, okay. I surrender to your choice. If you don't want my happiness, fine. I will now free you from even the burden of my mannat. I was so hurt at that time that I told baba, if you dont want to fulfill my wish why should I put the pressure on you to do it by means of a mannat... I know it was stupid and childish on my part, but it was anger of a daughter to a mother speaking at that time - I look at Baba like my mom. Till date, though I have hopes that my wish be fulfilled. There are no positive signs. Specially after summer everything has just gone downhill. Again and again the thought that this is happening as I broke the mannat in anger instead of keeping shraddha and saburi. What do I do now. My mother says I should take another easy mannat and ask Baba for apologies. But I fear that this may not be a good thing as I must keep a difficult mannat only. Also, I cant go to shirdi again to take a mannat so can I go to a local mandir only? What should I do. Have I lost a chance to have my wish fulfilled? Or can I restart my mannat? SHould it be the same mannat? Something different? I really know Baba is my only recourse, and only he can lead me to my fulfillment, but I dont know what to do. I am truly repentful of my behavior earlier. But, now I want another chance. Will baba give it to me? Please help me folks on what should I do?

[amitas]

Of course you can visit a local mandir for the needful. Express your repentance and ask Baba for his forgiveness from the bottom of your heart. Whether it should be the same mannat or a different one, you should introspect carefully and decide.
These moments of despair and doubt happen to many of us but we should try to overcome them. You have made a good beginning by realising your mistake.
May Baba bless you and answer your prayers very soon.

[saiaadhar]

Thank you for your guidance. I hope Baba forgives me and does not punish me by not fulfilling my wish