Om Sai!
forgive me if it becomes a little long winded..
Dont to know where to begin, hence beginning from the beginning. You know that my husband made all the arrangements for my visit to Mexico. When he visited India in August, he promised me the sun and the moons. i even went to Delhi with him when he went there for his Visa processing. Met his family and his friends there. Everything was normal. To everyone he said that i'll be shortly joining him in Mexico. After he reached Mexico he called me almost everyday and shared with me everything that was happening here. i was the only one he used to talk to or share things with. He did not talk to anyone else, not even his family and i was his only link between him and his as well as my family. Everyday he spoke to me about my visit to Mexico and how much he was looking forward to it. He promised me several things, like i'll take you to this restaurant you'll love the food there. or there is a place called Argentina, the music is very good and food is also tasty. i'll take you to this beach, that place etc etc etc. everyday he made a new promise and i dreamt and hoped a little more.Even on the day of my departure, he said the same things and said come here with as less things as possible. i'll buy you everything that you need here.
i trusted every word that he said . i did not care about my promotion, worked day and night so that my leaves could be granted. made many compromises. left my country, job and people just to be with him for some months. my DH knew about all the problems that i had faced to get these leaves. All this while he kept promising me good things. And i trusted his each and every word.
i reached here on Thursday night. he had come to the airport to pick me. He hugged me and kissed me when he saw me. said 'welcome my love' . i was overjoyed.We reached home, that day he cooked for me. We made love that night. Afterwords i happily slept in his arms. The next day he came back from office at 2 pm and took me out for lunch. in the morning i cleaned his house which was in a mess and turned it from a house to a home all the while anticipating and looking forward to a good time with him. My DH took me out for lunch then he took me to walmart to shop for some household stuff and food items as he wanted to make sure that i have everything that need for cooking etc here. that night too he kissed me several times, told me that he loves me .
Next day was saturday, my husband took me out for coffee in the sun as it was very cold here. he asked me to start cooking from Monday and asked me to take it easy in the weekend. I was very happy. he was kind, considerate and loving. in these three days he called me 'my love' and said i love you to me many times. That day he took me to downtown. We returned home around 10. After that he suddenly became very quite. i asked him lovingly that what happened? he did not say anything and just went and sat in the drawing room with alcohol. i again tried asking ( i did not fight, just talked to him ) he suddenly said that he doesnt want to live like normal indian couple and wants a divorce. He said i want you to go back immediately. he said a lot of hurtful things. i cried, begged, tried to ask..understand ..explain. but he did not listen. i said lets sleep we will talk about it tomorrow.
In the morning when i tried to talk to him. he said he finds me attractive and obviously and involuntarily he tried getting close to me at night. he also said that he loves me but still wants a divorce. When you ask your spouse for a divorce, you give them some concrete reasons right? He gave me none. We went out to the sunday market nearby and on the way home i again tried talking calmly and lovingly to him regarding this problem. I also suggested counselling. He flatly refused. He was adamant on a divorce and on sending me back to India immediately.
When we reached home he became violent, screaming, shouting, hitting himself, throwing things. in a fit of rage he had even broken his mobile phone. Two days of travel, jet lag and mental torture was too much for me. i told him to stop, told him that i'm having intense chest pain but he did not stop. he kept on shouting at me and insulting me. he did not give me even a single reason . He kept on saying like last year that it is not your fault, i have changed . i dont want you or this marriage anymore thats why i want you to leave immediately. i said, and what about my life. He replied i dont know, i just know that if you go away it will make me happy and may be eventually some day you'll also become happy. i said what about all the promises that you made. he said i'm breaking all of them. i said why did you not tell this before i came here? i left everything to be with you. i saw so many dreams, so many hopes. doesnt my life, my dreams and hopes mean anything to you? he said no. i was so devastated and my chest was paining so badly that i fainted. Dont remember much of the rest of the day as i fainted quite a few times, and was on bed without food or anything else. in the morning i was admitted in emergency, the doctors ran a battery of tests. they said that there was a chest inflammation and advised complete rest and no stress for 10 days.
My husband brought me home but did not talk to me even for two minutes after that. one day when i tried talking to him, about general things and not about our marriage, he still became violent. told me a lot of hurtful things, insulted me and said if 'i was in your place i would take my self respect and leave immediately'. All this when i was discharged from hospital only one day back and the doctor said do not stress her.
The next evening the indian families in our apartment had kept a small party in honour of me and my dh ( as i was the latest person to join the apartment and they wanted to make me feel welcome). My husband said he cant leave office before 10, and that i should go alone. i went alone. All his colleagues were there only he was not there. some of his friends asked me why is he returning so late everyday. They said ' Aapke aane se pehle to roz jaldi aa jata tha, aane ke baad gym jaata that, salsa jaata tha.. aajkal 11 baje lauta hai?? kya baat hai?' i did not have any answer to their questions. My husband reached around 10.30 came to the party but did not speak with anyone. People tried talking to him but he kept making excuses. Sometime later people started dancing. He refused. everyone was surprised and said ' pehle to tum bahut dance karte the, biwi se darr rahe ho kya?'
Every night he comes back home and drinks till 3 AM in the morning. He doesnt talk to me, doesnt even look at me. He treats me like some animal with plague. i cry everyday when he is not at home. i feel terribly sad and lonely. He had promised me that he'll get a cable connection when i come here. he promised me a gym membership among a lot of other promises, but he did not keep any. Whole day i am alone in this house without TV, without phone . He never asks me how i am or what did i do the whole day. i know i should go away, but i love him so much that i'm unable to make myself leave him.
Just imagine, if you ever call someone at your home to stay with you for somedays, will you not be atleast civil with him when he comes? will you not talk to him once in a while? will you ignore him and insult him all the time?
On saturday evening his boss, was supposed to come around 8. My DH told me about it around 5.30 then suddenly left home without telling me where he is going. i thought he must have gone somewhere near. 8.. 8.30.. 9 pm he did not return back. Suddenly his boss came around 9. i had never met him before. i invited him inside. he asked where is my husband, he had called my husband many times before coming over but he did not pick his call. i called my DH several times, but he did not take my calls as well. After sometime his boss left. My husband knew that his boss is supposed to come still he was not at home, neither did he receive our calls. i don't know where or with whom he was. he returned back at 10 and as usual started drinking.
I'm unable to decide what to do. Sai baba please help me. i dont have any one here, no family no friends. My husband treats me so unkindly and insensitively everyday that i cry everyday. Why are you letting him hurt me like this? you know i'm a good person and a good wife then why are you punishing me?? ok so he does not feel love for me, fine, what about gratitude? what about commitment? everyday when he looks at himself in the mirror can he not see everything that i have done for him? From shirt to trousers to shoes everything that he wears i have bought for him. i used to buy all these for him with so much love without ever asking him anything in return. i have worked on his speeches, his applications. have bought flight tickets and done hotel reservations for him for all his competitions (his hobbies). In return of all these things, all my love, compromises and sacrifice this is what he is giving to me?? How can he do this? Even if an animal lives with you for three years they get attached to you, then how did my husband not get attached? i'm an attractive, intelligent, independent girl, i'm in every way his equal then why is he bent on ending this?
last year he returned back home after a similar divorce episode, he said he was sorry. i had gone to Shirdi to pray for my marriage and it worked. I though he has realised his mistake and he'll never repeat it again. he said he realised his mistake. He had promised me that he had done a very very big mistake and that he will never repeat the word divorce again in his life. He begged for forgiveness and in one day's time i had forgiven him and welcomed back into our house. inspite of all the hurt, insult and pain i forgave him. he promised me over and over again that he will never mention divorce again, but like every other promise he made, he broke this one too..
Who gave him the right to play with my life like this? My emotions, my love, my dreams, my hope does not count? Am i not a human being? Am i some kind of a doll who can be played with used as and when you want and then throw away without any care? If he had to do this then why did he marry me? Why did he come back last year?? I am so hurt, pained and broken that i cant even tell you. Baba, i have done so many paths, japs and vrats for my marriage. i even went to Shirdi for darshan then why is this happening with me? again?
he told me today, that i'm selfish. that if i would have really loved him then i would have left him and given a divorce unselfishly so that he can be happy. Do you really think i'm the one who is selfish here?? i gave everything to him, kept in mind all his needs. i often kept my needs in the back seat and ensured he has everything starting from clothes to laptops to phones to his friends, to his space, his career, to all his hobbies and he says that i am selfish? he left me last year, humiliated me then came back i forgave him . took him back in our home in my life with all the love of a wife, and he's calling me selfish? And he is not being selfish by asking me to give up my marriage? my love ? my dreams that he had shown me? my hopes that he had given me? He is destroying my life and calling me selfish?
am i selfish?? Do i deserve this? Does he have a right to destroy my life like this? Am i a use-and-throw object ? Is marriage a disposable relationship ? you can use it when you want and throw it when you want without giving any damn to your partners feelings??
last year when he went away, he came back by your grace. He even promised he'll never mention divorce again. I have been a very good, loyal, faithful wife. i have always loved him and kept him before me. Then why baba, why is doing this again. Please do a miracle. please save my marriage. i have not one to turn to in this alien country.
Topic: Sai baba please help me! is marriage a disposable relationship? (Read 2613 times)