Sai, please help me understand and protect me!

[rkramadh]

Om Sai Ram!

Shree Sai came into my life in 2001 when I was facing some health problems.  It was truly a miracle how it happened.  Since then, we have always relied on Baba and have also taught our son to pray and believe in Baba to protect him and guide him.  I have experienced many miracles that are amazing and often wondered why Baba has been so kind to a mere soul like me who has many faults.  There has been one issue in my life that has not yet been solved.  I have prayed to Baba but the fact that he didn't solve it the way I expected made me think that perhaps I am asking for the wrong thing.  So I prayed to Baba to help me change to accept the situation at least.  Even that hasn't happened but I have continued to trust Baba anyway despite the continuing challenge with that issue.  Recently however, something that happened about that issue bothered me and discouraged me so much that I felt Baba has let me down! I felt that Baba doesn't want to solve this problem for me or at least teach me to accept it etc and I got quite angry at Baba.  For a few days, I felt like BAba didn't care for me and it wouldn't matter if I prayed to him or not.  I felt so lost like I had no one looking out for me because up until then, I always went to Sai for everything and anything.  While I have slowly started to pray to Sai again (not for solving any issue but just to get peace of mind), something has come up new regarding health that is troubling me and scaring me as well.  I have been trying to get answers from BAba that all will be well.  I have seen some signs like BAba has always given me signs but yet, I am not yet fully at peace or in full faith.  Worst of all, I have been feeling so scared and guilty that my sin of hurting Baba a few weeks ago is coming back to hurt me and I will be punished with this big health problem.  I know our Sai is so much more kinder than that but yet, it's as if I myself am wanting/expecting punishment subconsciously although I never ever would wish for health problems in my life! I have always asked Sai to protect me from that kind of problem and that I am willing to take on other problems as part of my past Karma whatever that is.  I am hoping that someone here can answer me and help me build my faith again that Baba is forgiving and will still look after me like has has so far.  I need some convincing that Baba will not let me down because he is always there when we look up to him in fear.  I am rambling but looking for some solace and sign that Baba will stand with me and protect me now and always.  I promise to write back again with any updates.  Om Sai Ram!

[Kirti1]

OM SAI RAM

Dear Rkramadh

I see so much of me in you, when I read the swings in your faith. that's fine. We are no saints to be so strong and determined. We are just ordinary human beings. But then out of Ordinary sprouts Extra-ordinary.
Baba is very merciful and forgiving. So what if we stop praying him, that doesn't mean we don't love him. Just like we do with our mother. We sometimes didn't like the dress she bought for us, that doesn't mean we stopped loving her.
Baba loves us no matter how much we love him or fight with him.

I used to regularly visit Baba once a week, before I realized that my prayers will not be answered. But it hasn't stopped me from trusting Baba and talking to him anytime. I barely visit once in a month now, but chat with him all the time. Once you have entered his Durbar, you cannot go away, for long. That is his Charisma.

Infact, it was Baba, who said, "I don't need eight fold Sadhanas.." Call him once with all the love and see how he runs to help you. Baba performs miracles for us every single day. It's us who can't see them. We only see them when we dont find a solution. At night go through your whole day, and you will realize there has been atleast one thing which was miraculous and that was Baba's doing.

Regarding your illness, yes I do believe its Karma, but then you are lucky that you are paying off your Karma now, so that later on you may lead a healthy life. Keep asking Baba to teach you to accept the situation that is and he will do it. Give him time, to heal you, and he will.

Sit yourself for some introspection and you will see Time is all you have. So have patience, and build your faith in Baba

Baba Bless.

[rkramadh]

Om Sai Shree Sai Jai Jai Sai Om!

Dear Kirti1, thank you for your reply, I really appreciate it.  In fact, I am happy to report that my Sai did respond to me and all is well regarding my health concern.  First of all, my sincere pranams to Baba for making me believe since I wrote that last piece and show me signs that all will be well.  I don't worry about small issues, this concern was a major one but again, Sai has showered his blessings on me.  For that, I am grateful and I wish/pray that he always keeps his blessings on me and my loved ones.   I have always been spiritual and philosophical and yet, doubts arise about things I have no control over.  I have never had doubt about Baba's presence in my life since he chose me in 2001.  Instead, I have come to realize that I don't have confidence in my own faith i.e. like I am not doing enough to earn his grace or that I am destined to suffer in a certain way etc.  I am full of zest for life and when something crops up that threatens my well being, I worry and pray to Baba.  I now pray to Baba to make me pray to him out of love, joy and gratitude and not out of fear (although I pray to him and thank him for many small things in life).  I feel that slowly, he has been giving me strength and confidence.  Like you,  I chat with Baba all the time like he is right next to me.  Trust me, some times I may even be whispering loud enough that if any one sees me, they will think I am talking to myself I really appreciate  your thoughtful reply.  May Sai be with you always!  Jai Sairam!

[Kirti1]

OM SAI RAM

Dear Rkramadh,

Glad to read all is fine with you. I too am spiritual and philosophical. And my faith waivers sometimes.
But I don't worry about that, cause I know I can be away from Him for long.
the peace and tranquility I feel with Him, can't feel anywhere.

Baba Bless.

[Punzie]

Om Sai Ram.

Punzie

[Punzie]

Om Sai Ram

[rkramadh]

Jai Sairam! May Baba make us all inseparable from his grace, love and blessings!

[chawlavaibhav1]

Jai Shri Sai RKRAMADH ji

Baba apne devotees ko utna yaad karte hain jitna hum Baba ko nahi karte. Isliye Baba ko sab pata hai ki hamare saath kya kya pareshaniyaan hain. Baba dheere dheere hamare past karmoon pe work karte hain unko khatam karne ke liye.
Ek kahani batata hoon jo maine kahin padhi thi: "Ek bhakta baba ko bolta hai ki Baba mujhe lagta hai aap mera khayal nahi rakhte aur mujhe yaad nahi karte. Baba bolte hain 'beta agar main tumhara khayal nahi rakhta hota na too tum pata nahi kaise karm karke kya bane hote".

one who has Baba with him/her need not worry. Kyunki wo universe ko chaalate hain. Unko sab pata hai ji.

Om Sai Ram!