Conversation with Baba....my true friend

[vidyarp]

Baba...please continue to be my guiding light and my inspiration.

[vidyarp]

Om sai sharanam....sri sai sharanam.....what would i do without u by my side baba?
Thank you and be with me always.

[vidyarp]

It feels like waking up from a slumber trying to shrug off that sleepy weary feeling and trying to get into the act of doing something worthwhile...
help me dear lord...show me the way and be with me always.

[vidyarp]

Om sai namaha...
Baba u know all...i do want things to be much simpler and comfortable. U know what i mean. Please baba..help me to help myself.

[vidyarp]

What i feel right now is that i cannot be happy with whatever i do. I may get momentary pleasure and happiness but thats not going to last long. I need to do something that i enjoy. And what do i enjoy? And how may i start doing something that i enjoy? And what happens dduring the transition?
Baba...honestly - career wise i feel i got all that i had aspired for. And i dont dream to become the VP or MD. I just want a decet bank balance so that i can take care of my family's needs. I am at a point where the more money i'll get the less time i will have to spend it. So its at a tipping point. i want family life now. I want to be with my son when he grows up...want to be at home when he comes back from school....want to take him to his practice sessions...play with him...take care of my house and family. But how? I cant see myself quitting my job. I need the money and so i am into this vicious cycle. I want to have time to play piano and learn music...want to have time to do the garden. But how? Looks like i have imposed several conditions on myself. And all this is my self doing. I have set the limits on myself. If i want, cant i change my life? What is stopping me? Fear. fear of the unknown..fear of failure...fear f the question what if i dont succeed..

[vidyarp]

Baba...i am not going to giuve up and give in. Not now...not now....because if you have got me here, there must be a reason for it and i dont want to quit and let u down.

[vidyarp]

Baba...somehow today i feel positive and energetic. Even though i slipped on my schedule and plan the first thing in the morning. I did not work out as planned and actually had to hurry to get everything done this morning. But i am not berating myself. I am not making negative comments about myself. I am actually thinking how i can improve throughout the day to make it count. I am also looking for alternatives and a plan B for salvaging the situation. In my earlier avatar, i would sit and rue over all the time i lost and how i cannot do anything to make up for it. But today, i am asking myself just one question - how can i be better and could i take a better decision than this. This will keep me on track and accountable to myself. I am not doing this for the millions of people who dont believe in me or my capabilities. They will always find fault and belittle me for all their lives. I am also not doing it for the few people who believe i have it in me. Because they have put their trust in me anyway. I am doing this for myself. because before others can believe in me - i need to believe in myself. I must be able to trust myself with making the best decisions for me. I am not going to beat myself up for all the stupid things i have done. Good or bad, those deeds are done; gone; into the past. No point in dwelling in them. I can only look at how to make today count for what i want to be tomorrow. And so for everything i do - i need to just focus on whether its a good decision to make it count or can i make a better decision. I have the control. I have the power.!! Thank you dear lord. I know there will be days when i slip and go back my old ways....that temptations will always lurk close by and catch me in a moment of weakness. But when i follow my mantra of making a better decision and making today count - on an average, i will stand to gain.
So be with me baba in this journey called life.

[saib]

Life is just not a simple journey, it is an adventure-play or sports ! Do your Best and Enjoy what so ever happens because nothing is permanent – No Sorrows No Joys ! Only Name of Baba Sai is Eternal !

Jai Sai Ram !

[vidyarp]

very correct my friend - saib. Good to hear from you after a long time. I thought nobody reads my posts But i am glad u do read it.

Baba...i have come to believe that u know what is best for me and u give me everything that i need (not everything that i want) and when i need. U have given me most of what i have craved for...and i am human...so the craving and desire for more is always there....but i know...if i am sincere and true to you and to myself....u listen to me and u do make things happen for good reasons.
So baba...there are 2 things that are pending for me for a very long time....u and i both know about it. With your grace - one would come true sometime soon this year. I cant thank you enough for this.
The second thing is what i dont know when it will happen...and if it will happen at all because we all have to pay for our karma...but yes baba...i know sooner or later it will happen ...i believe in you.

[saib]

Dear Vidyarp,

Sometimes specially when I log in and find your thread in recent post section I read it. One more reason I am also passing through same phase and what I would like to say to Baba, Find same in your thread and said to Baba, This is from me too. Strangely I observed many people here are also going through same phase in their professional world.

This is also true, what so ever happens, there is reason behind every incidence in our life. I have noticed the same many times, Once I made someone to wait in my office for long hours without paying attentions to his state as I was busy in some other project. after some time I faced same situation, I had to wait in some other office for same reason for same duration. We are accountable of every act we do and have to repay for the same.

The Account of Karmic deeds (of current as well all previous births) can be settled only by two ways either by paying against our debts (in the form of sufferings and pain) or by complete surrender to holy feet of Lord. There is no other way !

May Baba Bless You and all here with his holy name !

om sri sai ram !

[vidyarp]

Baba...good morning
You know what happened over the weekend. It was stupid really and totally uncalled for. I can say it was a very sad affair...and thankfully i am not involved in it. But baba...will she ever see sense? And will we ever be happy? I go back to my questions again. I want A to be happy and be with us. Its been 11 long years baba...i think saib is right. There are only 2 ways to get rid of karmic debt - either i repay or i surrender. baba...i have been repaying for 11 long years baba. I guess its time i surrendered. In my heart i always thought that i had surrendered to you. But i guess i am wrong. I need to introspect and get rid of all my ego. I cant think of myself as an independent entity who is disconnected from u. what am i without u? Nothing. In fact all that i am today is only because of u. U gave me good parents, a good life and everything. Then how can i say that i did everything.
Baba...please take care of everything. i know u r working in your own way to help me...and my mother is with u to take care of things together the two of u can plan how things should go now on.
Another point - baba...u know the restless ness....i need to get cracking on this one i think.

Take care baba and hope u have a great day too.

[vidyarp]

I am having conflicting thoughts. And u need to help me here:

1. I think of things that i want to do...would love to do...even though i dont have the skill for it. I have to learn and start all over again. But i am scared to start - i feel i am trapped in my own fear of the unknown..fear of failure. Had i taken some wise steps a couple of years ago, i would probably be living my dream now. No point in ruing over it now...but the fact remains, i am still not doing anything abt it. Chances are that 5 years down the line, i would still be writing the same type of messages to you and still yearn for the different life!!

2. I dont seem to appreciate what u have already given me. Most people would die to get an opportunity like me. I have everything going right and i have no sense of gratitude for this. Go and check the millions who are coveting your place. And i am here because u think i should be here. And i am questioning your decisions!! Blah


Ok baba...got to go...thank you for listening to me.

[vidyarp]

baba...cant go on like this. Imagine...she has no sense to talk like a human being. What does she gain by doing this? She is reducing her own respect. Somebody please put some sense in her Or..please take her away to some place else. I cant put up with this!! Baba....nahi ho pa raha hai. Its the limit. Why cant she behave??? Stupid woman. And to think she has suffered in life ..one would expect some sense from someone who has herself been at the recieving end. but no - here we cannot talk about anything sensible. Thank god i did not ask A to come and pick K. I am angry...

[vidyarp]

Good morning dear baba....another day...and i have lots to do at work...but somehow mind is still in conflict. yesterday when i went to pick k and be with him, i felt so good. And u know what happened last night. I felt i was on top of the world when my little son made me smile. Baba...please bless him and all...whatever i do is for him....

[vidyarp]

Baba...why do we look outside for heroes to worship and emulate? Why do we get inspired by others but do not bother to look inside ourselves for the hidden hero? We all have gone through life battling many odds and coming out victorious in many cases...yet we are blind to our inner strengths and pin our hopes on external stimulations. Strange na? When u are by my side, i am already a winner...i am already victorious...then why do i have to look at others for inspiration?
Beats me.