Conversation with Baba....my true friend

[vidyarp]

Baba...whenever i have been seriously asking for something, yearning for it deep down, it has happened to me. And all of it is your doing....For my father, i want nothing but the best...he is a good man.....baba..i know now why i am not getting what i want now. I am not yearning for it enough. I want it but i am not 100% sure that i really want it. I could get along even if i dont get it...and thats why it is not happening. I am not wanting it enough to make a difference...i need to change my mind first before i can change my fate.....
Please baba...bless me to see the right path and do the right things.

[vidyarp]

Kisi ki muskuraahaton pe ho nisaar...
kisi ka dard mil sake to le udhaar....
Kisi ke waaste ho tere dil mein pyaar....
jeena isi ka naam hai......

What a wonderful and meaningful song baba....

Thank you fo everything. I know i get short term benefits and happiness and i abandon my attempts at doing something new.....but i must not give up...never...

Please be with me always baba..

[vidyarp]

Baba...humko mann ki shakti dena...mann vijay kare....doosro ki jay se pehle...khud ko jay karen......

Baba....please help. Why am i always in such doldrums?? Itni tension to maine tab nahi ki jab zaroorat thi...when my son was small...but now..everyday i am waging a battle with myself...am i blind to reality or am i so jaded with reality? Whatever it may be...i am not doing myself any good this way....
so if this is not the way, then please show me the way...or if this is the way...how i do understand that i need to go through this??

help me...please

[vidyarp]

Baba...good morning. what does my internal compass say? I am confused...and i am my biggest enemy....i keep setting up roadblocks for myself....cant i see it??Am i blind?? do i not love myself??? why do i do it? I know whats good for me...i am thankful to be where i am...there are a million folks who would die to trade places with me...and still i continue to brood...i dont know why? i have convinced myself that i dont like what i do...i have trained my brain to be a quitter...and i want to just sit back and do nothing...as if the money will come to me automatically by some strange means...
I am being blind....and stupid....i am wasting my today thinking bout what i want to do tomorrow.....

Baba...please help me see sense...

[vidyarp]

Baba...please take care of all...i miss my mother....i really do. Somehow today...after all these years, i cried....because i miss her......She was a very strong person...and a true leader in her own ways....i regret that i could not do anything to save her when she was down and out....i will carry that regret for the rest of my life.....
Baba...please....can i speak to her once.....i just want to know if she is doing ok......i love her and i know she loves me...but just for once.....can i talk to her....can i just touch her......feel her....please....
Take good care of her baba....

[vidyarp]

Baba...ma se badkar koi hota hai kya iss duniya mein? Maybe i should say father and mother....at least for me...in dono se upar koi nahi...
Baba...what next should i do? please guide me.

[vidyarp]

baba...bahut ajeeb sa ho gaya hai ghar mein....between m and a. You know it all....and baba u know that a is a gem of a person....and m has made me cry a million times....maybe its my previous birth's karma....and i am repaying it now....but baba...please...for a i want nothing but the best. he deserves it. And my dear son....please take care of him as well and R.

baba...if i keep brooding and doing nothing, its not getting me anywhere...so i will do justice to what ihave...i will do the best i can with what i have and where i am. And i'll leave the rest on you.

[vidyarp]

Good morning baba...am not very happy with where i am...i know...i keep saying this...and i also know u have given me what i wanted...I am forever grateful to you...
But you know it all....its not just important to be good..its important how others percieve...and frankly i am tired of this. Its not a level playing field anymore. Baba...sometimes i feel i am running away from problems...and other times i feel i am not doing justice to all the effort and hard work i and my parents did to see me where i am....but the fact remains...i am stuck in something that does not give me any happiness....
I read a good quote yesterday on financial independence - it said its not about having wealth...its about having the power to generate wealth. So if i look at it the other way, all the effort and hardwork has gone to make me financially independent...but that does not mean i have only one means to be financially independent. I need to find other avenues to get the same comfort....and not worry too much about what happens in office....because in any case...i am competing with myself.
Am i rambling?

[vidyarp]

baba...i have just now made a promise to you and myself....please baba....help me keep them.

[vidyarp]

Baba...thank you is the first thing i should say to you...thank you...for helpin with my blood reports. I am back to normal...though i am still on  medication..i hope to stop that and just use my will power  to keep myself at this level. I have been through pain and it does hurt now and then...but i think its all worth it at the end.
Coming to life baba...i seriously dont know what i am doing...i know i have been cribbing about this for like a million times now....i seriously dont see where i am going. I maybe making decent money ..and i do have the honour of working for a big banner....but am i happy doing what i am doing? Is this what i want to do for the rest of my life or say next 10-15 years!! No...the thought scares me.
So if i dont do this...and i dont know what i want to do...what should i do?? Please help.

[saib]

Dear Vidya,

There is Pain of body and mind, But dangerous is the pain of soul caused by separation from the beloved God. With time and grace of Baba all pains get healed.

What is to happen, will happen, nothing gets changed, even if we keep on thinking about that. That's why said, accept your life, good or bad wholeheartedly and keep your Karmas pure and divine not only for a good and divine future but also to hold peace of mind and soul.

What I feel sometimes, whatsoever We do ~ Career, family or other activities in life are child play ~ Just come to this playground ~ Play our game and then return to our real home ~ then why we get attached to this game of life and feel pain while returning to our real home ~ and behave as a lost child in the world of Maya ! We treat ourselves as a play and forget we are player and not the play. Unknowingly We place control of our mind and life to others who occupy our mind and heart with their thoughts. For mind both are same ~ Love or Hate because in both cases it keep itself occupied. That's why detachment is important in life. (Love and meet all responsibilities but attached with none)

With best wishes for good health, career and life !

om sri sai ram !

[vidyarp]

Wise words dear saib.
But tough to practice...at least i am still not in a state where i can achieve this. It requires a great deal of inner strength and will power....which i may not have. But yes...u r right....this is what we should aim for,

I am seriously not sure what i want to do in life...i thought i had it all mapped. I worked hard in school, college, at workplace...so that i can make good money and be happy. but now i realize,i make money but i am not happy. So if this is not making  me happy or contented, what should i do to be happy? I dont know the next step..and that scares me.

[saib]

Dear Vidya,

Tough but not impossible !

In short - Don't do anything to prove anything or show anyone - but to enjoy your work and life !

People want someone who would love them, a good job/business, obedient kids, Reputation and Name, and all comforts of life .... every fulfilled desire creates another desire and this becomes an endless list .... !

Do not depend on external objects or circumstances for happiness and peace ! Be Happy unconditionally !

Do not seek happiness or peace ~ Simply live it !

May Baba Sai Bless You and All of Us !

om sri sai ram !

[vidyarp]

Baba....good morning. U know it all. I am sad...and angry...mostly at myself...but on R as well. He said things that hurt me. I know he wants me to become better...i know he is concerned for me....but i wish he would let me be. But ok - i cannto control what others say. so lets leave it at that. What angers me is that i know all that he said was correct...but doesnt he understand how much of a struggle it is for me!! I dont knw baba....why i have become like this...and the worst is - even if i know it, i am not doing anything about it. I am trying...but maybe not that sincerely....but baba....i felt really bad and hurt...
so what can i do differently...i am so paralysed with inaction that i cant seem to do anything....its as if everything is slipping away from me....and i cant seem to control it
baba..my value or my worth is measured by how i look or by what job i have?? Is that it?? It doesnt matter what kind of a person i am?? It is reflecting in every sphere of life. He is a good man and i know he is more supportive than many others...but this is beyond me. I dont get it at all.
Today - i feel hurt, angry, frustrated and deeply sad....and since i continue to blame myself for this, i am losing my self confidence even more.

[vidyarp]

Good morning baba...as i was driving today morning to work...my mind wandered to a very remote incident from some decades back. It was a tiny thing...i saw something scrawled on an auto and then it triggered a chain of thoughts. The writing was horrible and it reminded me of when i was in Class 2. I could see it clearly in my mind - i got my notebook back from the teacher and she had written - "Untidy work. Write neatly."At that time - it felt like a huge insult and i decided then and there that i would hav the best handwriting in the class. I dont know how and why - but as a 6 year old..i had made up my mind and i was determined. I dont know what exactly i did to improve myself...maybe i made a conscious effort to write neatly. But then when i was in Class 3 a few months later, i had the best handwriting in the class. How did i achieve it?? I dont remember at all.But what it tells me is that as a child, i felt that i really need to make a change and i did it. Not only that - i set my next target as securing the first position in class. Again, i dont remember how i achieved it or what extra i did. I do remember that i was sincere to my studies and did my work properly and neatly. And yes - i stood first in class 3 and ever since. Baba...if a child of 6 years can be so determined...what can be so wrong with me...why am i running away from problems? Its an opportunity to excel. I should take it up and work towards it. After all...i can pray and pray and pray....but if i am not going to do anything to help myself, how can i expect you to do everything for me? God helps those who help themselves....
If i could do it then, i can do it now.