This year has been an year of profound loss and grief and terrible upheavels. When i look back on my mental and spiritual levels on 1st Jan 2009, i see myself as another normal human being - god fearing but not deeply involved in spiritual matters. I was just another normal human being - worried about my career, my family, about my tiffs and quarrels with my mother in law
But never did i attach importance to god's mysterious ways of working. Untill tragedy struck my family. My mother was diagnosed with advanced stage of cancer in Jan 2009 and she passed away in May 2009. I was shattered. Post that, i lost my aunt and my grandmother in a span of 3 months. All in all, i was broken and my father was devastated. he lost his wife, mother and sister within 3 months. How much can a man take?? But through out this journey of tragedy, i turned towards God. I prayed and prayed and prayed. But we cant control destiny. But the strange part is - the more i believed in God, the calmer i became and in fact was more adaptable and accepting the situation. It took me a while to figure out what true faith and devotion is all about. For months, i remained confused on whether i should be reading holy scriptures and following rigid fasting and poojas, and then which God to pray. Whenever i was confused, i saw you and you gave me darshan in my dreams. Ever since, i am firmly attached to you. Even now, my faith is ever growing and each day i love you more dear baba. I am trying to get rid of all the negativities in my mind and want to come closer to you. You have taught me the true meaning of "shraddha" and "saburi". Both of which i was lacking. But now i am improving. I do not say i am perfect. In fact i am far from being perfect. But i am trying baba. And in the process, if i make mistakes, please accept my humble apologies.My biggest challenge is gettign rid of negative thoughts and focusing on positives plus putting my plans into action. Today is my father's birthday and he is a lonely man. I want to be with him and take care of him always. Baba...i believe in you. I will not pray and ask u to do this and do that. because u know what is best. All i ask u is to bless me and let me be your child always. On my part, i promise to overcome 2 of my biggest challenges as a tribute to my father and mother:
1. Overcoming the negatives and focus on positives
2. Executing my plans
Bless me baba....i am your sharanagathi..