Baba i wanted to share this with you. Hope u agree

[vidyarp]

Dear baba....i have been thinking so much about this that i feel my mind will split into thousand pieces if i dont

write it down.
You know all the terrible times i have gone through this year. Ma, thati and athai are dead...they will never come

back. But i have my dear father. I have to be in a position to take care of him. I want him to be with me. And then

there is my son. I want to be able to spend quality time with him. I want to teach him, play with him and be with

him. But i am not able to do so with my hectic job schedule. Basically, now its a conflict of priorities.

On one hand, i have my professional life, where finally i am getting good recognition, responsibilities and money. I

have worked hard for it and my parents have sacrificed so much to make me what i am today. I have the financial

freedom to take care of all my needs plus that of my parents. I dont need to look anywhere else. And being the only

child, its my responsibility to ensure my parents are comfortable. They have done so much for me. Quitting now would

mean wasting all that effort and sacrifice. Plus losing out all the money i make. I desparately need that to take

care of my dad. I realized the importance of money when my mother was hospitalized and subsequently when she died. I

am not sure how it would've been without money.

On the other hand, i have my son - my life. I should be around for him when he comes from school just like how my

mom was there to take care of me. As he is growing i should be around for him. My current work style ensures that i

am away from home 12-13 hrs a day. In such a case, i feel i am missing out on the most important thing in my life.

Plus my mother in law has to take care of him in my absence. Though she does it very well, it is not fair on my part

to expect an old women to take care of a 3 year old and do all the running around. I can facilitate her by providing

financialo suppirt and other things like maid etc. But she has her own preferences and does not want to do certain

things and i cannot bind her as per my life. There are conflicts and if i dont depend on her for all that she is

doing right now, plus give her enough rest to lead her life the way she wants, i think that would be quite nice. But

the issue is - staying with her 24*7!! I dont look forward to it since she complains a lot and always tries to prove

she is better than anyone else. Secondly i lose the financial independence and cannot do many things for my father.

Catch 22 situation !!!

So i have decided on this - I definitely need to change my work life. Cannot sustain this over a long period of

time.But quitting completely is not the solution. In fact, i started writing this message yesterday when my mind was

in complete turmoil. but today as i sit to continue, i feel that my reaction was more because of the unpleasantness

and politics in office. I was trying to run away from these things since i found myself unable to compete in this.

But i was wrong. Spending quality time is important. but i cannot make that an excuse for shirking my work. After

all, God has been so kind to me to be able to earn well and be in a position to take care of my parents. And i want

to throw it all away!! So, now it boils down to - making enough money and taking care of my family. For this the

plan should be - evaluate my current situation. No chance of quitting before next 4-6 months ( i need to finish my

certification course and also wait to get my appraisals and money). I must utilize this time frame to evaluate what

alternatives i can get. maybe some work from home, some freelancing etc. I must complete my certifications also.

That will add value to my cv. Have to ensure i get regular monthly income, maybe not from the IT kind of work i do

at the moment, maybe something else. So its essential that i use these 6 months as a window for change.And at work,

i should be sincere and not bother about all the politics etc since they will only bring me down.

Baba...i hope i am doing the right thing. Thought of sharing this with you. No one else will understand. I cannot

share with my husband and father. I discussed with my friends though. Baba please guide me and help me achieve my

goals. Without you i am nothing.

Om sai natahaya namaha