DwarkaMai - Sai Baba Forum
Main Section => Sai Baba Spiritual Discussion Room => Topic started by: Dipika on February 12, 2008, 06:43:51 AM
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JAISAIRAM!...... ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D
ALLAH MALIK!
Sai baba let your holy lotus feet be our sole refuge.OMSAIRAM
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You wrote all this? Awesome!
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Hi Dipika,
Nice to read your thoughts...though i am not sure i understand everything...i will chip in my two cents just the same...
Whatever limited understanding i have of love, going thru' a phase myself which makes me question a lot these days on love and what is it like, etc etc, i think marriage does not have anything do with the eligibility of a person for love...you do not love a certificate, do you or are not in love with someone's wife? we are talking about an individual here whose energy seems to be working with yours and that's it...marriage is for the society and not for the hearts in love...for those who are in love, they are already married in their heart...
Having said that, i do not think that being married is a guarantee of being in love...with what i have seen or experienced around me, it is quite the contrary...love liberates, it does not chain...if you love someone, set him free...and period. No bondage, total freedom, free love, let it flow...
Hugs,
R
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Hi di,
I don't think society has anything to do with love...leave them alone...
There are no moral obligations to anyone except to your own self...as long as you know in your heart that it is right, then do it...
R
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You have to be clear in two things:
'you want your relationship to be respected'...by whom? by others? who are others? society? if you want others to approve your relationship, then you do not have the guts to love...point one.
You do not love thinking of a third person's approval though a sanction like marriage might be your goal in the end (i don't know)...
When you love, first set your heart free of fear...of approval or disapproval...then the path is free for you to walk on or not...when you walk without care, love gets wings, it soars higher...if you care for everyone else in the world (who, by the way, don't give two hoots to your existence), then love is chained...take your pick, dear..
May god be with you in whatever you do....
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Sai Ram
Dipika ji and Rainy
thanx for throwing some light on the subject love by women to a married person.
Love has many meanings
Love to Sai
love of parents and children
love of husband and wife
love between friends
love between brother and sister.
Here we see the word is one but has many roles to play between different relations.
If you have a good friend and you love him/her irrespective of married/unmarried there is no harm. And also Love has nothing to do with society it is a relation between two hearts and not among society.
Dipika would you also please through some light in case a married woman loves unmarried person or married person.
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Dipikaji
From your writeups it seems that man is guilty of all these relations and he cheats women. Remember, it is viceversa depending upon one's emotions and how one feels happy with the relations. What is aim of life, All happiness through out life and with one's happiness nobody has anything to do. And one who is happy has nothing to do with society. If society is jealous of you happiness let them be but why you looose your happy moments in that case.
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om sai om sai om sai om sai om sai om sai om sai
om sai om sai om sai om sai om sai om sai om sai
om sai om sai om sai om sai om sai om sai om sai
om sai om sai om sai om sai om sai om sai om sai
om sai om sai om sai om sai om sai om sai om sai
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Well, I was closely following the post, this is a topic of my interest coz I always tries to understand the relationships.
So far the word we are extensively using here may have different meaning in different contexts. This word is “Love”. So before we start talking about a topic which involves this wonderful word, lets have a look at the word itself and the deep meaning hidden inside and one of the most ever “Misunderstood” word.
“Love” is something very close to another word “Compatibility” The simplest and the pure natural relationship between a man and a woman is “Love”. It’s a naked truth. A teenager can be in love, a matured can be in love and even an aged can also be in love with someone. It’s hard to understand the meaning. Just remember here I am not talking about a love relationship between a mom and her kid or between a bro ad sis. Here it’s all about a man and woman. Today most of the time, its compatibility. If someone finds a mate compatible to him/ her, they start liking each other and the “Love” starts. But Love doesn’t need a reason. So there should not a be flashy reason for a love relationship to start. Love is divine. Teenager starts feeling good about his/ her classmate and they end up having a love relationship. Nah, that’s not love, that’s a stage of an immature mind. A teenager mind is like a white paper, he/ she starts sensing the world in a totally different way, he/ she starts understanding the world. It’s a beginning of a new life for him. It’s a stage of a transformation where an immature mind is growing up towards perfection. Even they carry the relationship for 3-4 years or sometime forever but that’s still not love. Even after breakup, they remember it as a “First Love”. But that’s still not love. Here in this situation, there was a reason, there was a immature mind which just can not make a difference between “Love” and “Attraction”.
And yes I did miss something, another very important and major factor. It’s time we spent with our love mate, often we see someone saying “I just can not live without him/ her.” So finally that’s Love. Right? Huh, It’s not love again. When we fall in so called “Love” with someone, we starts building a whole new world, it’s full of feelings and emotions. It’s a beautiful word. And we become badly habitual of that world. This world consist of you and your love mate. It becomes very hard to imagine anything beyond of that world. And when we see a breakup, alas…….the world collapses….and then an era of pain and sleepless nights starts…. That’s not love my friend….Time is a big medicine but the cure needs lots of patience
Why we love someone, why???? coz he looks good, he has a good personality, he talks like a superstar, he is just wonderful in everything, he is a smarty, he is very intelligent…..there could be thousands of reasons
Love doesn’t need a reason, it just needs a Person.
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A man wanting to fall in love despite being married to his wife must eliminate the patriarchal point of view – I do a favor by taking care of my wife and she’s dependent on me.
He will soon realize that Love is pure human emotion and is free for his wife as well!
Life is about creating experiences we choose and God does not interfere with that. So God didn’t manifest when there a hitler or idi amin or during Sep 11.
God doesn't condemn anything - extramarital affair or being a Gay or being anything. God knows you're using your gift FREE WILL to be the person you like.
God operates this world by the law of Cause and Effect – Karma. You reap what you sow A person wanting to experience love outside his relationship must let his partner free as well if she wants to experience love outside marriage. In the view of God All are equal – Man and woman unlike man-made societies which has different Law for Different sexes.
So ask yourself a question, I am married to this person, I need free love outside marriage so I am setting myself free and i don't interfere with my partner if she chooses free Love outside marriage. If you have the mind to live so, go ahead that neutralizes the law of karma by Equality. Your choices are accepted and nothing would boomerang.
Many Men want extra marital relationships but exercise full control over their spouse, secretly cling-on to their desires that Love is spontaneous and free. Yes Love is free to express as long as you follow the rules of equality otherwise you sooner or later (in this birth or next birth) Law of cause and effect will catch-up with you. Tables will turn, roles will be exchanged! It spares none ;)
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jai sai ram ....
it's not wrong to fall in love with someone who is married. you can have feelings for him, it's natural. you might be attracted to him somehow, it's also natural. it happens. but you must remember that he's married, You can't completely control your thoughts there's nothing wrong with admiring the positive attributes in a married person
Love, by itself, is never wrong. IF U ARE IN LOVE U CANT HELP IT ….It's not bad having communication with other people. As long you know and you have set your limitations Love him as much as you possibly can, you are in love with someone, in itself I do not believe is a sin. It only becomes a sin when you lust after them and of course if you act upon the love.. Unfortunately we don't all get to marry the ones we love. Also, love isn't something you can turn on and off.
But it is wrong to think that just because you love him, you have a right to be with him. . ..if u really cant control ur emotions then You should let go of your feelings for this man, and break contact with him, as you are only placing yourself and him in danger of too strong a temptation by seeing each other, even "as friends. I wish there was an answer that was easy. There is no easy answer. Someone always gets hurt.........
may god bless us all.....
nimmi
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It's interesting to read replies by women and all fall within expected lines.
Women - physically as well as emotionally are more tender to love, they send and receive love very well.
The problem is - when a woman has so-called feelings of Love towards a man, should go ahead and ask him Will he let his wife look for love outside if she needs. If the choice is given then it is Divine because God is unconditional love and when a man becomes an instrument of unconditional Love he is treading on Godly path.
There's a very thin line between Love and Lust, they say Mohandas Karamchand Gandhi was one who had love but no lust. sounds believable for his stature that he was able to move freely with women w/o any desire. But how many Gandhi's are there in this world? N O N E.
Intense Love certainly leads to Union - one finds himself/herself complete in his partner. It's just a matter of time.
What's the purview of the affected spouse? Does he/she have a choice?
In reality, this topic would make more sense when men who seek love outside relationships share their candid views on it. If they are ready to let their spouse do the same, they are genuine and love outside marriage is Love for Love . Otherwise, it is not. Period.
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Om Sai Ram
Is it necessary to marry a person whom we love ?
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om sai sri sai jaya jaya sai
Dear Sai devotees, Sai Ram to you all.
This topic is very intersting and in a way should clarify the doubts of many especially in the light of Indian youth getting a lot under the influence of western culture. Infact, almost all the metros have already been influenced completely.
First of all the definition of love is misunderstood thoroghly by everyone.
Love a married man ? Yes, I love my Dad - a married man / my brother who is also a married man / my father in law - who is also married / and ofcourse my husband who is married to me / my boss / my maternal and paternal uncles and this way many AND ABOVE ALL BABA - MY DEAREST BABA - THE ONE AND ONLY GOD. Baba is the husband (care taker) of this UNIVERSE.
At last what does this love mean?
Giving and Taking ?
Is it admiration ?
Lust ? Desire ?
Think a while and it will be clear to all those young girls/boys / married men/women who have a TEMPTATION to have a relation with a married man/woman. Thats what is understood by the title of the topic.
First of all, it is not legally permitted to marry a married man/woman and one should know this leave alone whether he/she is a Baba devotee or NOT. WRT loving a married man, if the so called love is true, it will never lead to extra marital relation for, love is different from desire. The moment it turns into a desire between an uneligible "pair ", then it means the so called true love has stooped down to lust. And the Love is no more a valid term between them.
What is the use of parayan of SSC if we can not come out of this lust ?
No need to do parayan of SSC if we have nothing to follow from SSC.
Leave SSC aside, there is something called individual ethics. Forget them ?
Leaving the discussion abt what love is, which has least relevance to the present topic, i wish to add my views on this.
Generally the psychology of a man demands sex in the name of love.
Similarly the psychology of a woman demands security - wedding in the name of love.
Both these subjects can not be given the valuable title "LOVE".
If husband permits wife to have relation as per her whims and is thus entitled to have relation with a female of his choice in the name of Love, the necessity of marriage and dharma would not have been found necessary in our Indian culture and our culture would have not found such a special place in the globe even from the days before independence.
Though not as true Sai Devotees, atleast as the children of this soil it is the duty of every citizen to preserve our Rich culture atleast in this repect.
Baba guide your devotees in the right path.
om sai sri sai jaya jaya sai
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In my experience, married men rarely leave their wives. They are usually scoundrels who are looking for some excitement in their life and ........ release. A married man may genuinely have some feelings for you, but he is most likely highly committed, or at least meshed in a relationship with his wife. If the two of you are dating and you find out he is married, stop everything. Stop immediately until you see actual divorce papers. Do not accept a man's promise to divorce. If he is having trouble with his wife, that is none of your business. Let him resolve that, and then decide whether or not he is a single man you can begin dating again. I guarantee you unending suffering if you do not set this boundary firmly.
Certainly, there are people who use an affair to get out of an unhappy marriage. If your married lover were one of them, he would already be moving out of the house and filing divorce papers. But this isn’t happening here. It’s extremely rare for an affair to result in a successful marriage.
Often, people having affairs aren’t trying to be overtly manipulative — they simply want both spouse and sweetheart. This goes for both men and women having affairs. As the saying goes, they want to have their cake and eat it, too.
So it is up to you to take action. Because he won't, unless forced. Actually, his waffling is making a strong statement, but you're not listening. He's saying that he prefers not to leave his family for you, and so he won’t be doing it.
Objectively, this kind of moral commitment to his family is admirable, even though from your vantage point it doesn’t look so terrific. Then again, his moral compass has gone awry if he is having an affair. (We will get to your moral compass in a moment.) What’s more, you have no idea whether he is being fully honest with you. For all you know, he doesn’t want to pay alimony or child support; he doesn’t want to start all over again with a new chik he doesn’t want to risk a perfectly fine marriage for an unknown; he doesn’t want his colleagues gossiping. There could be dozens of things he’s not letting on.
As for you: What are you doing having an affair with a married man? In the unlikely event you did end up together, you would always feel like a home-wrecker. He would always be guilty and resentful. These factors are enough to destroy a relationship that would be fine under less complex circumstances.
ask the important questions you would otherwise ask: Do you have plenty in common? Do you share future goals? Do you agree on whether to have children together? Do you really get along without the heightened drama of being the “other woman”?
It’s common for a person having an affair to string someone along with vague promises. Don’t expect anyone else to change the status quo. You must be the one to do so.
GOD GUIDE YOU ALL.
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Generally speaking most people do not intend to cheat on their spouse after the wedding nor do they intentionally pursue an affair. So here is how an affair begins. One or the other partner is not getting his/her needs met for whatever reasons. That person encounters someone at work, or at a party, or in the neighborhood, who notices him/her and sees something that attracts. There is nothing like a flirtation to restore a sense of self-esteem. Initially, the married person resists but enjoys the attention. That person then goes home to his/her spouse and hints that he/she needs more attention. The spouse at home who assumes that because they are married, everything is great and there is always time for taking care of the spouse later, ignores the hint That, my friends, is the beginning of the affair. When one partner seeks emotional or physical or intellectual support from someone of the opposite sex outside of the marriage, the seeds have been sown.
The marriage is taken for granted. The almighty wedding ring is supposed to be able to bind people to their vows automatically. This is the false presumption that leads us to the incorrigible statistic that 80% of marriages are affected by infidelity. Marriage doesn’t work by itself. It takes two people who pay attention to each other’s needs. It takes two people who believe in each other and validate each other. It takes two people who want to love each other and who continually approve of each other which allows the vulnerability necessary to be honest about their personal needs.
What should be done about reversing this destructive trend? Marriage encounters? Premarital counseling? Relationship coaching? Pre-marital coaching would be best. Determine if the person you are marrying meets your standards and that you are not just settling because he/she is almost what you want and you might not find anyone better. Second best would be to stop an affair before it happens. This could be accomplished by paying attention to your relationship and not taking anything for granted. Decreasing the number of affairs would probably make a difference in the divorce rate. Preventative would seem to be preferable, but some people need to get hit by a board before they wake up and realize they are in jeopardy. Ideas are welcome. What do you think are the cause and effect of infidelity?
GOD BLESS U ALL.
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Cultural rules and laws have been passed on to us by Generations mostly with a strict obedience code.
Let us not forget that Our culture patronized Sati and we shaved the heads of young widows from Child marriage and kept them at house for doing menial jobs.
They were given specific clothes to wear and were considered inauspcious for every occasion.
We have epics depicting a Man god (Krishna) marrying 100 girls and female godesses being taught lessons of obedience by male gods (Shiva and Shakthi).
God will only laugh at us for our ignorance.
Physical and emotional repression was common till 60s which is as big a sin as murder. A victim of murder suffers pain for few minutes but a victim of society suffers pain until she dies.
When God sees a westerner remarrying in 1930s and 40s and Indian suppressed in the same time which culture will God be proud of?
I am not advocating free love or am saying our heritage should be dumped now. Preserve the obviously good ones. Who decides what is good or bad for Indian society? Supreme court or a group of neurotic clerics and religious heads?
It’s time we take responsibility for our life. It is well and good to stick to one partner for life but if you love someone tell the world. Give your spouse the choice to quit or find his/her ways.
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OMSAIRAM!
I think people do find true love.
It's just that they don't want to work towards it.
They go into it thinking of a pre-nuptial agreement before getting married.
The point is, you want to get married because you believe that you will want to be with the person when you are 60.
That's the theory and that's the reason why you should get married. And if that's not the reason, don't get married.
u have to know what u want from the realtionship.
Marriage is all about consistency,commitment,Trust,and also lots of fun.......... :D :D :D :D :) :)
Two people meeting is destiny but u have to decide how much u love that person.
For that, you have to work on it.
So if u truly love someone,set the person free,if he/she is yours he will come back to u..........or else Forget..
life goes on...............But Marry only for love.......... :D :D
ALLAH MALIK!
Sai baba let your holy lotus feet be our sole refuge.OMSAIRAM
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Om Sai Ram~~~
well , this is going on since 12th feb ....and the answers to this would be different by different people and is very very difficult to reach at a common conclusion.
'coz understanding of human relationships is such a vast subject that diferrent people can pick very few items as far their understanding goes.
therefore every thought should be respected because this is what a person thinks about the subject.
now, coming to the idea of "getting in love with a married person " and my personal view on this.
first of all emotions and love cannot be supressed , while it is a different matter that we are able to express it to the person or not.
" isshq ho jaaaye to kya kare koi....mar mar ke jiye yaa mare koi.."...(Dipika U know na...KAUN BOLTA HAI) :)....
it is highly improbable to justify such relations on a moral ground....whereas when it comes to the softer aspect of relationship , there should be enough space for this kind of a relationship for both men and women. .
having said this , i certainly donot propagate this idea of getting married.
while there could be situations in life when relationships get sore and the charm drastically reduces...then what is the option ....then you cretainly are on a look out for someone who can understand your feeligs , your ideas, your miseries etc. when you find such a person , you definately fall in love ..now whether this is love is beyond my comprehension of the subject....but you like to spend time and cry on this person's shoulders.
i believe to such an extent this relationship can workout without disturbing the life of both...
MORALLY MARRYING SUCH A PERSON WOULD BE TOTALLY WRONG.....
Jai Sai Ram~~~
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Married woman can live with her lover, says court
Can a married woman lawfully live with her lover against the will of her husband? The Rajasthan High Court says yes.
In a judgment on Wednesday, the court allowed a married woman, Manju, to live with her lover, Suresh. “It is improper to pass an order to hand over any unwilling married woman to her husband with whom she does not want to stay,” said justices GS Mishra and KC Sharma. The court also said that nobody should consider an adult woman as a consumer product.
While dismissing a habeas corpus petition filed by Manju’s husband, the court came down hard on the misuse of habeas corpus petitions by people who want to thrust their will upon adult women without their consent. The court said the husband was free to approach the family court for divorce.
Commenting on the judgment, senior Supreme Court advocate and noted women’s rights activist Indira Jaising said, “Though it sounds strange, I am in complete agreement with the high court.”
"At the end of the day an adult woman has a right to decide whom she wants to live with. She can’t be forced to go with her husband against her will," Jaising said.
In this case, Jaising said, it is clear that the woman was prepared for divorce. She also felt that Manju’s husband had abused the habeas corpus petition because such petitions were generally filed when somebody is actually missing.
Asked whether it amounted to adultery, Jaising clarified that the woman could not be prosecuted for this offence under the law. As for the other man, she said, “it seems he is ready to face that”. National Commission for Women Chairperson Girija Vyas said that although it seemed like an important judgment, she could not comment on it since she had not seen it yet.
Manoj Chaudhry, the counsel for Manju and Suresh, had earlier rejected as baseless the allegations that Manju had been kept in illegal confinement by Suresh.
He said that the duo had been living together by their free will and that the relationship had begun even before Manju had got married.
With inputs from Satya Prakash and Sutirtho Patranobis.
http://www.hindustantimes.com/StoryPage/StoryPage.aspx?id=9e0b7ae6-86f2-4cb8-812e-a71677b4d729
GOD BLESS ALL.
:D :D :) :)
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One has to wear a dispassionate hat to think about a totally passionate issue........
If the relationship is such that people can't express themselves fully are worse than the one in which people express themselves and are aware about the differences. Differences are bound to occur and 100% ideal couples is only an utopia but to know, express and live with the differences is what is desirable.
But the crux of the matter is that when this does not occur, they try to find it outside the marriage. Nothing wrong with that till it is harmless - and what harmless is a moot point.
I do that finally many many marriages are just compromises only the people concerned may never know it/nor ever admit it. We need to breakthrough certain so called institutions - we need to Shrug Society and form a new one with new rules. Perhaps we are already doing that as the word "friend" is no more just a platonic friend, it could mean also in the west and definitely in Merto India, even partners.
GOD BLESS ALL.
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Om Sai Ram
Good Post
Now seems things are clear
Love has always rivals
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It's a nice reading seeing from different sides.
Om Sai Sri Sai Jaya Jaya Shirdi Sai
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i think its depends either he married after love u r either never find love in her wife if want ur real answer kindly see the movie KRISHNA
thanks
may God bless all
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only if that person is my spouse....!
[spouse= husband or wife]
we should strive to see & realise baba and while doing so can have our own family, children etc., but these family matters should never become our goal.. in our life
jai sai ram