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Author Topic: Spiritual Humor  (Read 5386 times)

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Offline Ramesh Ramnani

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Re: Spiritual Humor
« Reply #15 on: May 05, 2006, 11:58:19 AM »
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  • JAI SAI RAM!!!

    Nice! Very easy remedy.....still people make it difficult...

    OM SAI RAM!!!
    अपना साँई प्यारा साँई सबसे न्यारा अपना साँई - रमेश रमनानी

    Offline OmSaiRamNowOn

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    Re: Spiritual Humor
    « Reply #16 on: May 07, 2006, 01:09:39 PM »
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  • "Life is hard. It's breathe, breathe, breathe, all the time."
    Om Sai Ram !

    -Anju

    "Abandon all varieties of religion and just surrender unto Me. I shall deliver you from all sinful reactions. Do not fear."

    Offline Ramesh Ramnani

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    Re: Spiritual Humor
    « Reply #17 on: May 07, 2006, 10:47:36 PM »
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  • JAI SAI RAM!!!

    Yes Anju dear....Its very hard.  Breathe, breathe and breathe all the time.  When someone will relieve us of that? ....Yes its really hard, still no one lodge any complaint for that......ha ha.

    OM SAI RAM!!!
    « Last Edit: May 07, 2006, 10:59:26 PM by Ramesh Ramnani »
    अपना साँई प्यारा साँई सबसे न्यारा अपना साँई - रमेश रमनानी

    Offline OmSaiRamNowOn

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    Re: Spiritual Humor
    « Reply #18 on: May 08, 2006, 02:48:02 PM »
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  • Typographical error: "May your medication today bring you peace, happiness, and bliss."
    Om Sai Ram !

    -Anju

    "Abandon all varieties of religion and just surrender unto Me. I shall deliver you from all sinful reactions. Do not fear."

    Offline OmSaiRamNowOn

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    Re: Spiritual Humor
    « Reply #19 on: May 09, 2006, 11:11:53 AM »
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  • If God had a telephone answering machine:

    "Thank you for calling heaven. Please select one of the following options:"

    "Press 1 for requests"
    "Press 2 for thanksgiving"
    "Press 3 for complaints"
    "Press 4 for all other inquiries"

    Om Sai Ram !

    -Anju

    "Abandon all varieties of religion and just surrender unto Me. I shall deliver you from all sinful reactions. Do not fear."

    Offline OmSaiRamNowOn

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    Re: Spiritual Humor
    « Reply #20 on: May 10, 2006, 02:11:13 PM »
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  • Albert Einstein: There are two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as if everything is a miracle.
    Om Sai Ram !

    -Anju

    "Abandon all varieties of religion and just surrender unto Me. I shall deliver you from all sinful reactions. Do not fear."

    Offline OmSaiRamNowOn

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    Re: Spiritual Humor
    « Reply #21 on: May 11, 2006, 09:55:44 AM »
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  • "Why is it when we talk to God, we're said to be praying, but when God talks to us, we're schizophrenic?"
    Om Sai Ram !

    -Anju

    "Abandon all varieties of religion and just surrender unto Me. I shall deliver you from all sinful reactions. Do not fear."

    Offline OmSaiRamNowOn

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    Re: Spiritual Humor
    « Reply #22 on: June 08, 2006, 10:41:26 AM »
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  • If God Were A Programmer

    Some important theological questions are answered if we think of God as a computer programmer.

    Q: Does God control everything that happens in my life?
    A: He could, if he used the debugger, but it's tedious to step
    through all those variables.

    Q: Why does God allow evil to happen?
    A: God thought he eliminated evil in one of the earlier revs.

    Q: Does God know everything?
    A: He likes to think so, but he is often amazed to find out what goes on in the overnight job.

    Q: What causes God to intervene in earthly affairs?
    A: If a critical error occurs, the system pages him automatically and he logs on from home to try to bring it up. Otherwise things can wait until tomorrow.

    Q: How come the Age of Miracles Ended?
    A: That was the development phase of the project, now we are in the maintenance phase.

    Q: Will there be another Universe after the Big Bang?
    A: A lot of people are drawing things on the white board, but doubt that it will ever be implemented.

    Q: Who is Satan?
    A: Satan is an MIS director who takes credit for more powers than he actually possesses, so people who aren't programmers are scared of him. God thinks of him as irritating but irrelevant.

    Q: What is the role of sinners?
    A: Sinners are the people who find new and imaginative ways to mess up the system when God has made it idiot-proof.

    Q: Where will I go after I die?
    A: Onto a backup tape.

    Q: Will I be reincarnated?
    A: Not unless there is a special need to recreate you. And searching backup files is a major hassle, so if there is a request for you, God will just say that the tape has been lost.

    Q: Am I unique and special in the universe?
    A: There are over 10,000 major university and corporate sites running exact duplicates of you in the present release version.

    Q: What is the purpose of the universe?
    A: God created it because he values elegance and simplicity, but then the users and managers demanded he tack senseless features onto it and now everything is more complicated and expensive than ever.

    Q: If I pray to God, will he listen?
    A: You can waste his time telling him what to do, or you can just get off his back and let him program.

    Q: What is the one true religion?
    A: All systems have their advantages and disadvantages, so just pick the one that best suits your needs and don't let anyone put you down.

    Q: How can I protect myself from evil?
    A: Change your password every month and don't make it a name, a common word, or a date like your birthday.

    Q: Some people claim they hear the voice of God. Is this true?
    A: They are much more likely to receive e-mail.

    Q: Some people say God is Love.
    A: That is not a question. Please restate your query in the form of a question.
    « Last Edit: June 08, 2006, 10:42:51 AM by OmSaiRamNowOn »
    Om Sai Ram !

    -Anju

    "Abandon all varieties of religion and just surrender unto Me. I shall deliver you from all sinful reactions. Do not fear."

    Offline OmSaiRamNowOn

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    Re: Spiritual Humor
    « Reply #23 on: June 09, 2006, 08:58:01 AM »
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  • Just a Second

    A man was walking through a forest pondering life. He walked, pondered, walked, and pondered. He felt very close to nature and even close to God. He felt so close to God that he felt if he spoke God would listen.
    So he asked, "God, are you listening?"
    And God replied, "Yes my son, I am here."
    The man stopped and pondered some more.
    He looked towards the sky and said, "God, what is a million years to you?"
    God replied, "Well my son, a second to me is like a million years to you."
    So the man continued to walk and to ponder... walk and ponder... Then he looked to the sky again and said, "God, what is a million dollars to you?"
    And God replied, "My son, my son...a penny to me is like a million dollars to you. It means almost nothing to me. It does not even have a value it is so little."
    The man looked down, pondered a bit and then looked up to the sky and said, "God, can I have a million dollars?"
    And God replied, "In a second."
    « Last Edit: June 09, 2006, 08:58:27 AM by OmSaiRamNowOn »
    Om Sai Ram !

    -Anju

    "Abandon all varieties of religion and just surrender unto Me. I shall deliver you from all sinful reactions. Do not fear."

    Offline Ramesh Ramnani

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    Re: Spiritual Humor
    « Reply #24 on: June 09, 2006, 10:39:54 AM »
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  • Once upon a time there was a Prince who, through no fault of his own was cast under a spell by an evil witch. The curse was that the Prince could speak only one word each year. However, he could save up the words so that if he did not speak for a whole year, then the following year he was allowed to speak two words. (This was before the time of letter writing or sign language…No further questions!!)

    One day he met a beautiful princess (ruby lips, golden hair, sapphire eyes,) and fell madly in love. With the greatest difficulty he decided to refrain from speaking for two whole years so that he could look at her and say "my darling". but at the end of the two years he wished to tell her that he loved her.

    Because of this, he waited three more years without speaking (bringing the total number of silent years to 5).

    But at the end of these five years, he realized that he had to ask her to marry him. So he waited ANOTHER four years  without speaking.

    Finally, as the ninth year of silence ended, his joy knew no bounds. Leading the lovely princess to the most secluded  nd romantic place in that beautiful royal garden the prince heaped a hundred red roses on her lap, knelt before her, and taking her hand in his, said huskily,

    "My darling, I love you!  Will you marry me?"

    And the princess tucked a strand of golden hair behind a dainty ear, opened her sapphire eyes in wonder, and parting  >her ruby lips, said: ...

    "Pardon?"
    अपना साँई प्यारा साँई सबसे न्यारा अपना साँई - रमेश रमनानी

    Offline OmSaiRamNowOn

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    Re: Spiritual Humor
    « Reply #25 on: June 13, 2006, 09:35:54 AM »
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  • Inner peace
    ----------------

    Be on the lookout for symptoms of inner peace.

    The hearts of a great many have already been exposed to inner peace and it is possible that people everywhere could come down with it in epidemic proportions. This could pose a serious threat to what has, up to now, been a fairly stable condition of conflict in the world.

    Some signs to look for:

    A tendency to think and act spontaneously rather than on fears based on past experiences.

    An unmistakeable ability to enjoy each moment.

    A loss of interest in judging other people.

    A loss of interest in interpreting the actions of others.

    A loss of interest in conflict.

    A loss of the ability to worry. (This is a very serious symptom.)

    Frequent, overwhelming episodes of appreciation.

    Contented feelings of connectedness with others and nature.

    Frequent attacks of smiling.

    An increasing tendency to let things hap pen rather than make them happen.

    An increased susceptibility to the love offered by others as well as the uncontrollable urge to extend it.

    Be Forewarned!!! If you have all or even most of the above symptoms, please be advised that your condition may be too far advanced to turn back. If you are exposed to anyone exhibiting several of these symptoms, remain exposed at your own risk. This condition of inner peace is likely well into its infectious stage.
    Om Sai Ram !

    -Anju

    "Abandon all varieties of religion and just surrender unto Me. I shall deliver you from all sinful reactions. Do not fear."

    Offline OmSaiRamNowOn

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    Re: Spiritual Humor
    « Reply #26 on: June 20, 2006, 09:39:40 AM »
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  • Letter From God - About Religion

    My Dear Children (and believe me, that's all of you),

    I consider myself a pretty patient guy. I mean, look at the Grand Canyon. It took millions of years to get it right. And about evolution? Boy, nothing is slower than designing that whole Darwinian thing to take place, cell by cell, and gene by gene.

    I've been patient through your fashions, civilizations, wars and schemes, and the countless ways you take Me for granted until you get yourselves into big trouble again and again.

    I want to let you know about some of the things that are starting to tick me off.

    First of all, your religious rivalries are driving Me up a wall. Enough already! Let's get one thing straight.

    These are YOUR religions, not Mine.

    I'm the whole enchilada; I'm beyond them all. Every one of your religions claims there is only one of Me (which by the way, is absolutely true). But in the very next breath, each religion claims it's My fa vorite one. And each claims its bible was written personally by Me, and that all the other bible's are man-made. Oh, Me. How do I even begin to put a stop to such complicated nonsense?

    Okay, listen up now. I'm your Father AND Mother, and I don't play favorites among My children. Also, I hate to break it to you, but I don't write. My longhand is awful, and I've always been more of a "doer" anyway.

    So ALL of your books, including those bible's, were written by men and women. They were inspired, remarkable people, but they also made mistakes here and there. I made sure of that, so that you would never trust a written word more than your own living heart.

    You see, one human being to me -- even a bum on the street -- is worth more than all the Holy Books in the world. That's just the kind of guy I am.

    My Spirit is not a historical thing, it's alive right here, right now, as fresh as your next breath. Holy books and religious rites are sacred and powerful, but not more so than the least of you.

    They were only meant to steer you in the right direction, not to keep you arguing with each other, and certainly not to keep you from trusting your own personal connection with Me. Which brings Me to My next point about your nonsense.

    You act like I need you and your religions to stick up for Me or "win souls" for My sake. Please, don't do Me any favors. I can stand quite well on my own, thank you. I don't need you to defend Me, and I don't need constant credit.

    I just want you to be good to each other.

    And another thing: I don't get all worked up over money or politics, so stop dragging My name into your dramas.

    For example, I swear to Me that I never threatened Oral Roberts. I never rode in any of Rajneesh's Rolls Royces. I never told Pat Robertson to run for president, and I've never EVER had a conversation with Jim Baker, Jerry Falwell, or Jimmy Sw aggart! Of course, come Judgement Day, I certainly intend to...

    The thing is, I want you to stop thinking of religion as some sort of loyalty pledge to Me. The true purpose of your religions is so that YOU can become more aware of ME, not the other way around.

    Believe Me, I know you already. I know what's in each of your hearts, and I love you with no strings attached.

    Lighten up and enjoy Me. That's what religion is best for. What you seem to forget is how mysterious I am.

    You look at the petty differences in your Scriptures and say, "Well, if THIS is the truth, then THAT can't be!" But instead of trying to figure out My Paradoxes and Unfathomable Nature--which by the way, you NEVER will--why not open your hearts to the simple common threads in all religions.

    You know what I'm talking about: Love and respect everyone. Be kind, even when life is scary or confusing, take courage and be of good cheer, for I am always with you. Learn how to be quiet, so you can hear My still, small voice (I don't like to shout).

    Leave the world a better place by living your life with dignity and gracefulness, for you are My Own Child.

    Hold back nothing from life, for the parts of you that can die surely will, and the parts that can't, won't. So don't worry, be happy (I stole that last line from Bobby McFerrin, but who do you think gave it to him in the first place?)

    Simple stuff. Why do you keep making it so complicated?

    It's like you're always looking for an excuse to be upset. And I'm very tired of being your main excuse. Do you think I care whether you call me Yahweh, Jehovah, Allah, Wakantonka, Brahma, Father, Mother or even the Void of Nirvana?

    Do you think I care which of My special children you feel closest to -- Jesus, Mary, Buddha, Krishna, Mohammed or any of the others?

    You can call Me and My Special Ones any name you choose, if only yo u would go about My business of loving one another as I love you. How can you keep neglecting something so simple? I'm not telling you to abandon your religions. Enjoy your religions, honor them, learn from them, just as you should enjoy, honor, and learn from your parents. But do you walk around telling everyone that your parents are better than theirs?

    Your religion, like your parents, may always have the most special place in your heart; I don't mind that at all. And I don't want you to combine all the Great Traditions in One Big Mess.

    Each religion is unique for a reason. Each has a unique style so that people can find the best path for themselves. But My Special Children -- the ones that your religions revolve around -- all live in the same place (My heart) and they get along perfectly, I assure you.

    The clergy must stop creating a myth of sibling rivalry where there is none. My blessed children of Earth, the world has grown too small for y our pervasive religious bigotries and confusion. The whole planet is connected by air travel, satellite dishes, telephones, fax machines, rock concerts, diseases, and mutual needs and concerns.

    Get with the program!

    If you really want to help then commit yourselves to figuring out how to feed your hungry, clothe your naked, protect your abused, and shelter your poor. And just as importantly, make your own everyday life a shining example of kindness and good humor.

    I've given you all the resources you need, if only you abandon your fear of each other and begin living, loving, and laughing together. Finally, My Children everywhere, when you think of the life of Jesus and the fearlessness with which He chose to live and die. As I love Him, so do I love each one of you.

    I'm not really ticked off, I just wanted to grab your attention because I hate to see you suffer.

    But I gave you free will.

    I just want you to be happy. Always. Trust in Me.

    Your One and Only,

    God.
    Om Sai Ram !

    -Anju

    "Abandon all varieties of religion and just surrender unto Me. I shall deliver you from all sinful reactions. Do not fear."

     


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