JOY, HAPPINESS, PEACE AND EVERYTHING WITHOUT SPENDING A PENNY

[tana]

Om Sai Ram~~~

Different Methods To Kill The Lion~~~ 

Newton 's Method:

Let, the lion catch you.

For every action there is an equal and opposite reaction.. Implies you caught lion.



Einstein Method:

Run in the direction opposite to that of the lion.

Due to higher relative velocity, the lion will also run faster and will get tired soon. Now you can trap it easily.



Software Engineer Method:

Catch a cat and claim that your testing has proven that its a Lion.If anyone comes back with issues tell that you will upgrade it to Lion.



Indian Police Method:

Catch any animal and interrogate it & torture it to accept that its a lion .



Rajnikanth Method :

Keep warning the lion that u may come and attack anytime. The lion will live in fear and die soon in fear itself.



Jayalalitha Method:

Send Police commissioner Muthukaruppan around 2AM and kill it, while it's sleeping !




Manirathnam Method (director):

Make sure the lion does not get sun light and put the lion in a dark room with a single candle lighted.

Keep murmuring something in its ears. The lion will be highly irritated and commit suicide.



Karan Johar Method (director):

Send a lioness into the forest. Our lion and lioness fall in love with each other.

Send another lioness in to the forest, followed by another lion. First lion loves the first lioness and the second lion loves the 2nd

lioness. But 2nd lioness loves both lions. Now send another lioness (third) into the forest.You don't understand right... ok....

read it after 15 yrs, then also u wont!



Yash Chopra method (director):

Take the lion to Australia or US.. and kill it in a good scenic location.



Govinda method:

Continuously dance before the lion for 5 or 6 days.



Menaka Gandhi method:

Save the lion from a danger and feed him with some vegetables continuously.



George bush method:

Link the lion with Osama bin laden and then shoot him!!!

Ravi Shastri method:

ask the lion to bowl at u. U bat for 200 balls and score 1 run Lion tired and surrenders.

Jai Sai Ram~~~

[tana]

Om Sai Ram~~~

How to Kill a Lion~~~ 
     

Cognizant Method~~
 
hire a lion... ask him to stay for late nights but give him no work to do.
give him gobi 65 to eat again and again.hire 100 more lions but do not increase the space to sit give them same gobi 65 to eat hire 200 more....... and more .......
 
TCS method~~~
hire a lion give him hell a lot of work and pay him government salary, give him ONLY promises of better future. lion dies of hunger, frustration and sadness...!!
 
Kanbay Method~~~
Hire a Cat; give him a salary of a Lion...
Give him work of 3 Lions
Tell him to work late and even on weekends...
No time for food and family, automatically die
 
Infy method~~~
hire a lion and ask him to meow like a cat ..
he will die eventually of frustration...
 
IBM's metbod~~~hire a lion, give him a pink slip in an hour ...
he dies of unemployment...
 
Syntel Method~~~
Hire a Cat ...
assure him that he will eventually become a Lion once he reaches onsite and make sure that he never reaches onsite. Cat dies in hope of becoming a Lion....
 
MBT Method~~~
hire the lion, make him take 14 tests and tell him that if he doesn't score > 60% he will lose the job. lion dies of the strain?
 
i-Flex Method~~~
hire a lion???.oops cow, tell him he is a lion, send him in African safari for implementing flexcube in god forbidden territories, tell him if he comes alive he will get band movement (promotion) holy cow dies in fear of the real lion
 
COSL Method~~~
hire a lion ..
tell him to merge with Goats (polaris) and reduce his allowance...
lion dies from fear that tommorrow he might become a goat....
 
Polaris Method~~~
hire ..sorry....purchase a lion(COSL) ...
change his timings...(instead of 9 AM ...change it to 8:30 AM ) cut down his allowance (coupons etc) lion dies from fear of becoming CAT.....
 
Patni Method~~~
hire a lion, give him a salary of a cat...
the lion dies before joining....
 
Accenture Method~~~
Hire a lion....
Send him to chennai
Ask him to stay on bench for a long time Ask him to eat Edli,Dosa and Vada No water..
No hindi speaking ppl... No good food
And say him "Go Ahead be a Tiger".
Lion dies in confusion he is Tiger or lion......
 
Last But not the least;
 
Wipro Method~~~
Hire a Lion,
give him a mail Id.
he will die recieving stupid mails all day........!!!!


Jai Sai Ram~~~

[tana]

Om Sai Ram~~~

God laughs when~~~

1. God laughs when 65-80 years old leaders who did little in their prime years promise to make India a developed country by year 2020.
 
2. God laughs when Indian exports is merely $85 and imports $100 per capita but claims it shall overtake countries that have over $3000 per capita exports by 2050.
 
3. God laughs when Indian population has already crossed 115 crores or 1.15 billion but India continue to tell the world in most conferences to be a nation of 100 crore people.
 
4. God laughs when Doaba region of Punjab has three jewels Bhakra, Pong and Thein dams but waters of these dams are not available to Doaba region for drinking or irrigation purpose and electricity is provided for only 4-5 hours in a day.
 
5. God laughs when Pakistan, Haryana and Rajasthan are waterlogged from excessive irrigation but continue to get Indus waters flooding most of their command area.
 
6. God laughs when Punjab in India produces 15% of foodgrains but is allocated 1% of river waters of India.
 
7. God laughs when politicians eat grilled chicken publicly to dispel fears of bird flu but are not bothered by the risk to poultry labor or butchers or cooks.
 
8. God laughs when people can gulp marijuana in gallons in public but for taking out of India a pouch of raw marijuana could land them in jail.
 
9. God laughs when politicians of notorious kind are protected by black cats but public are to self-protect from rabid street dogs.

Jai Sai Ram~~~

[MANAV_NEHA]

NAME- MAYAWATI

DATE OF BIRTH=28/12/58

WEIGHT=180KG

HEIGHT=4'6"

COLOR=JET BLACK

BEAUTIFUL=LIKE BUFFALO

BIRTH PALACE=CHAMARGAON

DREAM=SHAADI KARUNGI TOH SIRF IS TOPIC PADNE WALE SE.......

[tana]

Om Sai Ram~~~

Lunch Box~~~  

Three Construction workers are working on the 20th floor of a tall building in Bombay. One is a Mallu, the second is a Bengali and the third is a Sardarji.

Every day all the three meet in the lunch hall and have their lunch together One fine day -- the Mallu opened his lunch box and finds idlis in the box. 

He says “I am fed up of eating these idlis daily. If I find idlis in the box tomorrow, I will jump from the 20th floor and die".   

Next the Bengali opens his lunch box and finds Fish in it and says “If I find fish in my lunch box tomorrow, I am going to jump from the 20th floor of this building and die”   

Next the Sardarji opens his lunch box and finds Parathas in it and says “Mother promise, if I find parathas in my box tomorrow I am also going to jump from the 20th floor"   

Next day the three friends meet in the lunch room for lunch. Mallu opens his lunch box and finds Idlis and promptly jumps from the 20th floor and dies.

The Bengali opens his lunch box and finds fish in it and jumps from the 20th floor and dies.   

Sardarji opens his box and finds parathas and he also jumps from the 20th floor and dies.   

In the combined funeral held for all the three friends by their colleagues, the Mallu's widow says “I did not know he hated idlis so much. If not I would have packed something else for his lunch”   

The Bengali's widow says “I did not know he hated fish so much. If not I would have packed something else for his lunch"   

The sardarji's widow says “I do not understand what went wrong. My husband always prepared his own lunch....!!!                     

Jai Sai Ram~~`

[tana]

Om Sai Ram!!!

Bill Clinton decided to 'teach' Laloo English, so he invited him over to the US.
Laloo arrives in full grandeur. Bill announces to the nation that they should not be disturbed during the tuition inside the Whitehouse, they are locked up in a room, and Bill starts teaching Laloo English. Days pass by and weeks pass by, but there is no sign of them coming out.The whole country and its economy has come to a standstill, and press, newsreporters from all over the world are waiting outside eagerly to find the outcome. At last one day, the door opens, and out comes Laloo - beaming his resplendant white smile, looking cool and unruffled. However, Bill looks totally dazed, his clothes are torn, his hair is completely ruffled, and he has scratch marks all over his face. The shocked reporters ask Bill, "What happened Mr. Clinton ?" Bill replies : "Ee babua hamar kuch bhi naahi sunat hai !"


Once Sonia Gandhi, Laloo, a school girl and  Panditji was travelling in a plane. Suddenly the pilot approaches them and tells them that one propeller of the plane has failed and the other one will last only for five minutes and that they only have four parachutes.
The pilot says " I am a good pilot and the country needs me so i am going to take one parachute and jump" and he jumps.
After that Sonia Gandhi says,"I am the leading leader of the country and the country needs me" and takes one parachute and jumps.Laloo without saying anything takes one and jumps. Now there is only one parachute left.Panditji asks the girl to jump with that last parachute and says  that he is an  old man now, so theres no point in his living.But the little girsl asks him no to worry as they still have two parachutes left..."Laloo has taken my school bag and jumped".



Laloo Prasad sent his Bio Data - to apply for a post in Microsoft Corporation, USA. A few days later he got this reply:

"Dear Mr. Laloo Prasad,We are sorry to intimate you that you do not meet our requirements. Please do not send any further correspondence. No phone call shall be entertained.Thanks"


Laloo Prasad jumped with joy on receiving this reply. He arranged a party and when all the guests had come, he said:
"Bhaiyon aur Behno, aap ko jaan

kar khushi hogee ki hum Amereeca mein naukri paa gaya hoon."

Everyone was delighted.Laloo Prasad continued...... "Ab main aap sab ko apnaa appointment letter

padkar sunaongaa - par letter angreeze main hai - isliyen saath-saath hindi

main translate bhee karoonga.


Dear Mr. Laloo Prasad ..... Pyare Laloo Prasad bhaiyya

We are sorry ....... humse galti ho gayee

to intimate you that ......... .aapko yeh batana hai ki

You do not meet ............. .aap to miltay hee naheen ho

our requirement ..... humko to zaroorat hai

Please do not send any further correspondence ---- ab Letter vetter bhejne

ka kaouno zaroorat nahee.

No phone call ....... phoonwa ka bhee zaroorat nahee hai

shall be entertained ... bahut khaatir kee jayegi.

Thanks ......... aapkaa bahut bahut dhanyawaad.

Om Sai Ram!!!
Radha.

[tana]

Om Sai Ram~~~

Indian Hell .... House Full!!! 

A man dies and goes to hell.
There he finds that there is a different hell for each country.

He goes to the German hell and asks, 'What do they do here?'

He is told, 'First they put you in an electric chair for an hour. Then they lay you on a bed of nails for another hour.
Then the German devil comes in and whips you for the rest of the day.'



The man does not like the sound of that at all, so he moves on.

He checks out the USA hell as well as the Russian hell and many more.

He discovers that they are all more or less the same as the German hell.



Then he comes to the Indian hell and finds that there is a long line of people waiting to get in.

Amazed, he asks, 'What do they do here?'

He is told, 'First they put you in an electric chair for an hour. Then they lay you on a bed of nails for another hour.
Then the Indian devil comes in and whips you for the rest of the day.'



'But that is exactly the same as all the other hells –
why are there so many people waiting to get in?'


 


'Because maintenance is so bad that the electric chair does not work,

Someone has stolen all the nails from the bed,

And the devil is a former Govt servant,

So he comes in, signs the register and then goes to the canteen!!!

 

Jai Sai Ram~~~

[Kavitaparna]

OM SRI SAI RAM

        

Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson go on a camping trip, set up their tent, and fall asleep. Some hours later, Holmes wakes his faithful friend.

'Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see.'

Watson replies, 'I see millions of stars.'

'What does that tell you?'

Watson ponders for a minute. 'Astronomically speaking, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, it tells me that Saturn is in Leo. Timewise, it appears to be approximately a quarter past three. Theologically, it's evident the Lord is all powerful and we are small and insignificant. Meteorologically, it seems we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. What does it tell you?'

Holmes is silent for a moment, then speaks. 'Watson, you idiot, someone has stolen our tent.'

           

JAI SRI SAI RAM

[Kavitaparna]

Cell Phone net work to Life – How it would be – here it goes :

1.   Life before marriage – Airtel ( You can express yourself)
2.   Life during Honeymoon – Reliance (Always get in touch)
3.   Life after honeymoon – Vodafone ( Wherever you go our network –wife – follows)
4.   Life after one year of marriage – Idea ( An idea can change your life)
5.   Life after a decade of marriage – BSNL ( The subscriber is not reachable)