laugh

[pramanisa]

Check this site

http://members.shaw.ca/faithshannon/baby-mabelinne.htm

[pramanisa]

One afternoon a lawyer was riding in his limousine when he saw two men
along the roadside eating grass. Disturbed, he ordered his driver to
stop and he got out to investigate. He asked one man, "Why are you
eating grass?" "We don't have any money for food," the poor man replied.
"We have to eat grass." "Well, then, you can come with me to my house
and I'll feed you" the lawyer said. "But sir, I have a wife and two
children with me. They are over there, under that tree." "Bring them
along" the lawyer replied. Turning to the other poor man he stated, "You
come with us also." The second man, in a pitiful voice then said, "But
sir, I also have a wife and SIX children with me!" "Bring them all, as
well," the lawyer answered. They all entered the car, which was no easy
task, even for a car as large as the limousine was. Once underway, one
of the poor fellows turned to the lawyer and said, "Sir, you are too
kind.  Thank you for taking all of us with you." The lawyer replied,
"Glad to do it. You'll really love my place.  The grass is almost a foot
high."

[pramanisa]

A man was walking along a California beach and stumbled across an old
> lamp. He picked it up and rubbed it and out popped a genie!
>   
> The genie said, "OK. You released me from the lamp, blah, blah blah.
> This is the fourth time this month and I'm getting a little sick of
> these wishes. So you can forget about getting three wishes. You only
> get one wish.
>   
> The man sat down on the beach and thought about it for awhile. Then he

> said, "I've always wanted to go to Hawaii; but I'm scared to fly and I

> get very seasick. Could you build me a bridge to Hawaii so that I can
> drive over there to visit?"
>   
> The genie laughed and said, "That's impossible!
> Think of the logistics of that! How would the supports ever reach the
> bottom of the Pacific? Think of how much concrete... how much
> steel...! No. Think of another wish."
>   
> The man tried to think of another wish. Finally, he said, "I've been
> married and divorced several times.
> My wives always said that I don't care and that I'm insensitive. So I
> wish that I could understand women... know how they feel inside and
> what they're thinking when they give me the silent treatment...know
> why they're crying...know what they really want when they say,
> 'Nothing'...know how to make them truly happy...."
>   
> The genie said, "You want that bridge two lanes or four?" "

[pramanisa]

A woman wanted to reach her husband on his mobile phone but discovered that she was out of credit.  She instructed her son to use his own phone to pass across an urgent message to his daddy who was on site. After junior had called, he got back to mummy to inform her that there was a lady that picked up daddy's phone the three times he tried reaching dad on the mobile.
 

She waited impatiently for her husband to return from work and upon seeing him in the driveway, she rushed out and gave him a tight slap, and she slapped him again, for good measure.
People from the neighborhood rushed around to find out what the cause of the commotion was. The woman asked junior to tell everybody what the lady said to him when he called.
Junior said "The subscriber you have dialed is not available at present. Please Try Again Later".......!!!

[pramanisa]

After digging to a depth of 100 metres last year,
Russian scientists found
traces of copper wire dating back 1000 years, and
came to the conclusion
that their ancestors already had a telephone
network one thousand years
ago.

So, not to be outdone, in the weeks that followed,
American scientists dug
200 metres and headlines in the US papers read:
"US scientists have found traces of 2000 year old
optical fibres, and have
concluded that their ancestors already had
advanced high-tech digital
telephone 1000 years earlier than the Russians."

One week later, the Indian newspapers reported the
following:
"After digging as deep as 500 metres, Indian
scientists have found
absolutely nothing. They have concluded that -



:5000 years ago, their
ancestors were already using wireless technology .

[pramanisa]

Put about 100 bricks in some particular order in a closed room with an open window.
Then send 2 or 3 candidates in the room and close the door.
Leave them alone and come back after 6 hours and then analyze the situation.
 
If they are counting the bricks.
Put them in the accounts department.
 
If they are recounting them..
Put them in auditing.
 
If they have messed up the whole place with the bricks.
Put them in engineering.
 
If they are arranging the bricks in some strange order.
Put them in planning.
 
If they are throwing the bricks at each other.
Put them in operations.
 
If they are sleeping.
Put them in security.
 
If they have broken the bricks into pieces.
Put them in information technology.
 
If they are sitting idle.
Put them in human resources.
 
If they say they have tried different combinations, yet not a brick has been moved. Put them in sales.
 
If they have already left for the day.
Put them in marketing.
 
If they are staring out of the window.
Put them on strategic planning.
 
And then last but not least.

If they are talking to each other and not a single brick has been moved.
Congratulate them and put them in top management.

[pramanisa]

Four guys, one each from Harvard, Yale, MIT university and SANTA SINGH from
Punjab University were to be interviewed for a prestigious job. One common
question was asked to all 4 of them.

INTERVIEWER: WHICH IS THE FASTEST THING IN THE WORLD?

YALE guy: Its light, Nothing can travel faster than light

HARVARD Guy: It's the Thought; b'cos thought is so fast it comes instantly
in your mind.

MIT guy: Its Blink, you can blink and its hard to realize you blinked

SANTA SINGH: Its Loose motion

INTERVIEWER: (Shocked to hear Santa's reply, asked) "WHY"?

SANTA SINGH: Last night after dinner, I was lying in my bed and I got the
worst stomach cramps, and before I could THINK, BLINK, or TURN ON THE
LIGHTS, it was over!!!!

[pramanisa]

There is this group of 7 Sardars who plan to meet their old friend, famous Dr. Santa Singh.

The Sardars decide to take a taxi.

The taxi driver takes them to the destination.

The meter shows Rs. 28/-, so the taxi driver says, "You have to pay me
Rs.28/-."

Now, the Sardars have to share the cost among themselves and so they decide to divide the total (Rs. 28/-) by the number of people, i.e., 7.

This is how they do the calculation to arrive at the answer:

          ___
      7 | 28  =  13    ( 7 x 1 = 7, 7 x 3 = 21 )
          7
        ---
          21
          21
        ---
          0
        ---

The driver is exceedingly happy upon receiving Rs. 13/- from each of the Sardars. He thanks them profusely and the feeling of happiness is writtern on his face as he leaves them and proceeds his way.

Seeing this, the Sardars feel that they may have made a mistake.

They decide to ask their friend Dr.Santa Singh about it. After all, the fellow was a famous doctor.

They ask Dr.Santa Singh to check their calculation of the taxi fare. Dr.Santa Singh ponders over the calculations and finally says, "See, I am not good at division. The process just boggles me but addition is something I am an expert at. Let us add all the amounts you guys gave to the taxi driver and check the result. This is how I check for my daily income. The process is slow but is sure." The other sardars nod their heads (?) in appreciation.

Dr.Santa SIngh writes as shown below and also explains as he writes on:
      13
      13
      13
      13
      13
      13
      13
    ---
      28
    ---

i.e. 3+3+3+3+3+3+3= 21 and 21+1+1+1+1+1+1+1=28 so this  checks out.

He then says, "Yes, it's correct. But I can also call my close friend and Finance Secretary, Banta Singh."

Banta Singh arrives, and when told of the problem, he replies that he
doesn't think it is a bad deal but says, "No problem! I will verify it via mathematical  computation. I'll verify it with multiplication. That is the best technique for  this, you see!"

While others watch in admiration, Banta Singh goes on to write as shown:

      13
      x7
    ---  ( 7*3=21 , 7*1=7 so 21+7=28 )
      21
    + 7
    ---
      28    This checks out as well.
    ---

Then he says, "This is really fine. There is absolutely no problem, Dr. Santa."

[pramanisa]

>>Santa asks: Who r u?
 >>Wife: How dare u forget ur wife?
 >>Santa: Nasha har gam ko bhula deta hai
 >>
 >>

>>**********************************************************************
******
 >>**********************************
 >>
 >>Santa was busy in removing a wheel from auto, Banta asks: Y r u
 >>removing a
 >>wheel from ur auto?
 >>Santa: Can't u read
'Parking for two wheelers only'
 >>

>>**********************************************************************
******
 >>**********************************
 >>
 >>Santa: Doctor, ye phulon ki mala kis ke liye?
 >>Doctor: Ye mera pehla operation hai, success hua to mere liye, nahi
 >>to
 >>tumhare liye.
 >>

>>**********************************************************************
******
 >>**********************************
 >>
 >>Santa: Doc saab, mein Chashma laga ke pad to sakoonga?
 >>Doc: Haan, bilkul.
 >>Santa: To phir theek hai doc saab varna Anpad aadmi ki zindagi bhi
 >>koi
 >>zindagi
hai.
 >>

>>**********************************************************************
******
 >>**********************************
 >>
 >>Santa: Raat film main ek chudail kabhi mere aage, khabhi mere
 >>peechhe
 >>ghoom
 >>rahi thi...
 >>Jeeto: Koun si film thi ?
 >>Santa: Apni shaadi ki movie thi !
 >>

>>**********************************************************************
******
 >>**********************************
 >>
 >>Santa joined NASA. After one month the Americans had to change the
 >>name from
 >>NASA to SATYANASA
 >>

>>**********************************************************************
******
 >>**********************************
 >>
 >>Santa apni girl friend ko I Luv U kehta hai aur gir jata
hai.
 >>Gal: Yeh kya kar rahe ho?
 >>Santa: I'm falling in love.
 >>

>>**********************************************************************
******
 >>
 >>**********************************
 >>
 >>Banta: Yeh chaaku kyon ubaal rahe ho?
 >>Santa: Suicide karne ke liye
 >>Banta: To phir ubalne kui kya zaroorat hai?
 >>Santa: Kahin infection na ho jaaye
 >>

>>**********************************************************************
******
 >>**********************************
 >>
 >>Santa: Today is Sunday & I wanna njoy, so I bought 3 movie tickets
 >>Jeeto: Why 3?
 >>Santa: For you and your
parents
 >>

>>**********************************************************************
******
 >>**********************************
 >>
 >>Museum Administrator: That's a 500-year-old statue u've broken.
 >>Banta: Thanks God! I thought it was a new one.
 >>

>>**********************************************************************
******
 >>**********************************
 >>
 >>Lady Doc: Tum roz subah clinic ke bahar khade ho kar auraton ko
 >>kyon
 >>ghoorte
 >>ho?
 >>Santa: Ji aap hi ne bahar likha hai: Auraton ko dekhne ka samay
 >>9am-11am
 >>

>>**********************************************************************
******
 >>**********************************
 >>
 >>A man to Santa: Aao ji chess
khelein
 >>Santa: Tu chal mein sports shoes pehen kar aaya.
 >>

>>**********************************************************************
******
 >>**********************************
 >>
 >>At the scene of an accident a man was crying: O God! I have lost my
 >>hand,
 >>oh!
 >>Santa: Control yourself. Don't cry. See that man. He has lost his
 >>head. Is
 >>he crying?
 >>

>>**********************************************************************
******
 >>**********************************
 >>
 >>In an interview,
 >>Interviewer: How does an electric motor run?
 >>Santa: Dhhuuuurrrrrrrrrr.....
 >>Inteviewer shouts: Stop it.
 >>Santa:
 >>Dhhuurrrr dhup dhup
dhup...
 >>

>>**********************************************************************
******
 >>**********************************
 >>
 >>Santa was getting bitten by mosquitoes the whole night. He got
 >>irritated...
 >>drank poison & said,
 >>
 >>Ab kaato saalon, sab maroge!
 >>

>>**********************************************************************
******
 >>**********************************
 >>
 >>Captain of Military: Naujawanon aage bado
 >>Santa aage nahin bada
 >>Captain: Tum aage kyun nahin bade?
 >>Santa: Apne kaha 9 jawanon aage bado, mein 10ve number pe tha
 >>

>>**********************************************************************
******
 >>**********************************
 >>
 >>Banta: Yaar teri
wife ki maut ka bara afsos hua, vaise hua kya tha?
 >>Sant: Goli lagi thi mathe main.
 >>Banta: Waheguru ji ka shukar kar ke aankh bach
 >>gayi.
 >>

>>**********************************************************************
******
 >>**********************************
 >>
 >>Santa apni khoobsurat Bibi k saath car mein baitha. Driver ne
 >>sheesha set
 >>kiya. Santa gusse mein bola, meri bibi ko dekhkta hai, piche baith,
 >>car mein
 >>chalaoonga!
 >>

>>**********************************************************************
******
 >>**********************************
 >>
 >>Santa: tainu Sunny Deol da phone no pata hai...?
 >>Banta: Nahin, kyon ki hoya?
 >>Santa: Yaaar asi Nalka patauna
si.
 >>

>>**********************************************************************
******
 >>**********************************
 >>
 >>Banta: U cheated me.
 >>Shopkeeper: No, I sold a good radio to u.
 >>Banta: Radio label shows Made in Japan but radio says This is all
 >>India
 >>
 >>Radio!
 >>

>>**********************************************************************
******
 >>**********************************
 >>
 >>Sadhu: Bachcha teri biwi ko chuddail chipak gayee hai. Upaaye
 >>karvaao.
 >>Banta: Upayaye? Baba, agar do behenein gale mil rahi hain to is
 >>mein
 >>harz hi
 >>kya hai
?
 >>

>>**********************************************************************
******
 >>**********************************
 >>
 >>Tourist: Whose skeleton is that?
 >>Santa: Tipu's skeleton.
 >>Tourist: Whose that smaller skeleton next to it?
 >>Santa: That was Tipu's skeleton when he was child
 >>

>>**********************************************************************
******
 >>**********************************
 >>
 >>Napoleon: There is no such word as 'Impossible' in my dictionary.
 >>Santa: To dictionary dekh kar kharidni thi
 >>...!
 >>

>>**********************************************************************
******
 >>**********************************
 >>
 >>Santa: Agar tumhe kuch ho gaya to mein Pagal ho
jaaunga.
 >>Jeeto: Doosri shaadi to nahin karogey?
 >>Santa: Pagal ka kya hai, kuch bhi kar sakta hai
 >>

>>**********************************************************************
******
 >>**********************************
 >>
 >>Banta: Yeh AUTOMATICALLY kya hota hai?
 >>Santa: Oye tujhe yeh bhi nahin pata, Jab auto mein koi ganji ladki
 >>ja rahi
 >>ho to use kehte hain AUTO-ME-TAKLI
 >>

>>**********************************************************************
******
 >>**********************************
 >>
 >>Santa was riding on a horse. He jumped the red light & a cop
 >>whistles.
 >>Santa lifts the tail of horse & says: 'Le Karle
Number
 >>Note'
 >>

>>**********************************************************************
******
 >>**********************************
 >>
 >>Banta: Oye, tu to Doctor ke paas jaane waala tha, kya hua?
 >>Santa: Yaar kal jaaonga, aaj thodi tabiyat kharab hai.
 >>

>>**********************************************************************
******
 >>**********************************
 >>
 >>Santa: Itne kam marks? Do thappad marne chahiye.
 >>Pappu: Haan papa, chalo maine us saale master ka ghar bhi dekh
 >>rakha hai.
 >>

>>**********************************************************************
******
 >>**********************************
 >>
 >>Santa dials a number. A girl receives the call.
 >>Santa: Who r u? Girl: Seeta
here.
 >>Santa: Maine to Chandigarh phone kiya tha, yeh to Ayodhya mil gaya
 >>

>>**********************************************************************
******
 >>
 >>**********************************
 >>
 >>Santa went to battery shop n asked to change battery.
 >>The shopkeeper asked: Exide laga du?
 >>Santa: Dusri side tera baap lagayega kya?
 >>

>>**********************************************************************
******
 >>**********************************
 >>
 >>Q: Why did Santa take his pregnant wife Jeeto to Pizza Hut? A:
 >>Because
 >>they
 >>advertised: 'Free Delivery'

[pramanisa]

1. Wife: Honey..... What are You Looking for?
Husband: Nothing.
Wife: Nothing...?? You've been reading our marriage certificate for an hour??
Husband: I was just looking 4 the expiry date.
******* ************************
2- Q - What is the Difference between Mother & Wife?
A - One Woman Brings you into this world crying... and the other ensures you Continue to do so.
******* ************************
3- Wife: Do you want dinner?
Husband: Sure, what are my choices?
Wife: Yes and no.
******* ************************
4- Wife: You always carry my photo in your handbag to the office. Why?
Husband: When there is a problem, no matter how impossible, I look at your picture and the problem disappears.
Wife: You see how miraculous and powerful I am for you?
Husband: Yes, I see your picture and say to myself, "What other problem can there be greater than this one?"
******* ************************
5- Girl: When we get married, I want to share all your worries, troubles and lighten your burden.
Boy: It's very kind of you, darling, but I don't have any worries or troubles.
Girl: Well that's because we aren't married yet.
******* ************************
6- Son: Mom, when I was on the bus with Dad this morning, he told me to give up my seat to a lady.
Mom: Well, you have done the right thing.
Son: But mum, I was sitting on daddy's lap.
******* ************************
7- A newly married man asked his wife, "Would you have married me if my father hadn't left me a fortune?"
"Honey," the woman replied sweetly, "I'd have married you NO MATTER WHO LEFT YOU the FORTUNE"
******* ************************
8- Father to son after exam: "let me see your report card."
Son: "My friend just borrowed it. He wants to scare his parents."
******* ************************
9- Interviewer to Millionaire: To whom do you owe your success as a millionaire? "
Millionaire: "I owe everything to my wife."
Interviewer: "Wow, she must be some woman. What were you before you married her?"
Millionaire: "Billionaire"

[pramanisa]

Santa singh: Can u spell a word tht has more than 1000
letters in it?
Banta singh: Post office.

************************************************** ************************

What is the full form of singh : s-sardar i -insaan n -nahi g -gadha h -hai.

************************************************** ************************

Why does a Sardar keep empty beer bottles in his fridge?

They're there for those who don't drink.

************************************************** ************************


How Does a Sardar Cheat the Railways??

He buys the ticket but doesn't travel !!!!!!!!

************************************************** ************************

One evening a Sardarji starts from office to home with
pushing his scooter manually. He met his friend on the way...

Friend: why are you pushing your scooter manually?

Sardarji: 'I forgot to bring the scooter key from my
home.
Friend: 'Is it! Then, How did you come to office from
home in the morning?'

Sardarji: 'I was pushing my scooter from home to office
also in the morning.

************************************************** ********** **************

One day a Sardarji talking with his friend.......
Sardarji: We have to learn Telugu within 6 months or we
will not be able to communicate with my child.

Friend: Is it! Why?

Sardarji: We have adopted a telugu child and it will
start to speak after 6 months.


************************************************** *************************

BEPPO SINGH WHILE IN GRADE SCHOOL.
Teacher: What is 5 plus 4?
Beppo Singh: 9
Teacher: What is 4 plus 5?
Beppo Singh: Are you trying to fool me, you've just twisted the figure,
and the answer is 6!!

************************************************** *************************

BEPPO SINGH NEEDS VITAMINS FOR GRANDSON.
Beppo Singh: I'd like some vitamins for my grandson.
Clerk: Sir, vitamin A, B or C?
Beppo Singh: Any will do, my grandson doesn't know the
alphabet yet!!

************************************************** *************************

Jasmeet Kaur watched her husband Santa Singh searching
high and low, all over the living room.

She asked him: "What are you so frantically searching?"
Santa: "Hidden cameras!"
Jasmeet: "And what makes you think there are hidden cameras here?"
Santa:"Or else, every few minutes, how is that guy on
television saying ....'You are watching the Star World channel'? "How can
he know what I am watching?"


************************************************** *************************
Sardar:Aap kitna padhe ho?
Friend: B.A.
Sardar: kamal karte ho yaar sirf do word padhe aur woh bhi ulte.

************************************************** *************************

A friend asks sardar how was ur exam?
Sardar: It was ok but i couldnt answer past tense of THINK. I thought,
thought & finally i wrote 'THUNK'.

************************************************** *************************
Sardar: Doctor help me, mein jab baat karta huun to muje sirf awaaz sunai
deti hai, aadmi nahi dikhta.
Dr: Aaisa kab hota hai?
Sardar: Phone karte waqt.

************************************************** *************************

Ek sardar jhad pe bethkar gaa rahe the, achanak ek aur
sardar jhad se ulta latak ke gaane laga, dusre ne pucha ki ulta kyon
latka hai, dosre Sardar bola, "Oye, side B gaa raha hun."

Sardar bought a new mobile.
He called everyone from his Phone Book & said "My Mobile No. has
changed.
Earlier it was Nokia 3310 Now it is 6610"
---------------------------------------------------------------------
Santa : I am a Proud Sardar, My son is in Medical College.
Banta : Really, what is he studying,
Santa : No he is not studying, they are Studying him.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Santa falls in luv with a nurse...After much thinking, he finally
writes a love letter to her: "I luv u sister."
---------------------------------------------------------------------
Pappu, while filling up a form: Dad, what should I write for mother
tongue.?
Santa: Very long!
************************************************** *****
What is Common between : Krishna, Ram, Gandhiji & Jesus..?
Sardar ji Replied : All are Born on Government Holidays.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Santa was caught for speeding and went before the judge.
The judge: What'll you take 30 days or Rs 3000.
Santa: I think I'll take the money.
************************************************** *****
Santa standing on platform suddenly jumps on the railway track.
Banta: Santa u'll die.
Santa: No, u'll die b'coz haven't u heard train is coming on platform?
************************************************** *****
Santa (reading from book of facts):
"Do you know that every time I breathe a man dies?"
Banta: "Why don't you use a mouth wash?
************************************************** *****
Santa went to battery shop n asked to change battery.
The shopkeeper asked: Exide laga du?
Santa: Dusri side tera baap lagayega kya?
************************************************** *****
What's Ford?
Santa: Gaadi.
What's Oxford?
Santa: So simple, Bail Gaadi
************************************************** *****
Frog: Tumhare paas dimaag nahin hai.
Santa: Hai.
Frog: Nahin hai.
Santa: Hai.
Frog: Nahin hai & jumps into the well.
Santa: Oye! is mei suicide karne waali kya baat thi.?
************************************************** ****
Q: A Man asked Santa, "Akal badhi ya bhains? "
A: Santa bola, "Pehle date of birth to batao."

[pramanisa]

Once a man was waiting for a taxi. A beggar came along and asked him
for some money. The man ignored him. But being a professional, the
beggar kept on pestering him. The man became irritated when he realized
that the beggar would not leave him alone unless he parts with some
money. Suddenly an idea struck him. He told the beggar, "I do not have
money, But if you tell me what you want to do with the money, I will
certainly help you." "I would have bought a cup of tea", replied the
beggar. The man said, "Sorry man. I can offer you a cigarette instead of
tea". He then took a pack of cigarettes from his pocket and offered one
to the beggar. The beggar told, "I don't smoke as it is injurious to
health." The man smiled and took a bottle of whisky from his pocket and
told the beggar, "Here, take this bottle and enjoy the stuff. It i! s
really good". The beggar refused by saying, "Alcohol muddles the brain
and damages the liver". The man smiled again. He told the beggar, "I am
going to the race course. Come with me and I will arrange for some
tickets and we will place bets. If we win, you take the whole amount and
leave me alone". As before, the beggar politely refused the latest offer
by saying, "Sorry sir, I can't come with you as betting on horses is a
bad habit." Suddenly the man felt relieved !! and asked the beggar to
come to his home with him. Finally, the beggar's face lit up in
anticipation of receiving at least something from the man. But he still
had his doubts and asked the man, "Why do you want me to go to your
house with you".


The man replied........................................... ......



"My wife always wanted to see how a man with no Bad habits looks like
 

[adwaita]

u made my day prajna ji. thank you so much. om sai ram.

[pramanisa]

MISTAKE........................

If a barber makes a mistake, It is a New Style
If a driver makes a mistake, It is a New path
If a engineer makes a mistake, It is a New Technology
If parents makes a mistake, It is a New Generation
If a scientist makes a mistake, It is a New Invention
If a tailor makes a mistake, It is a New Fashion
If a teacher makes a mistake,  It is a NEW THEORY
If our boss makes a mistake, It is a New idea …
If an employee makes a mistake, It is a Mistake

[pramanisa]

For some days Santa and Banta were not in good tune. Santa was staying at first floor and Banta at seventh floor. At tha same time building lift ws not working then Banta came up with an idea to make fun with Santa and invited him for dinner. Santa unaware of his plans climbed to seventh floor and saw Banta's door was locked with a note "See how i fooled u" then Santa wrote at the bottom of his note "i didn't came here".

One day Santa told Banta we will go on sun. Banta said - mad u don't know it's so hot there at sun. Santa said -o stupid we will go at night not at the day time.

Santa asked Banta-- for how long u have seen rain continues. Banta replied- only for one day i saw continuous raining. Santa said --i have seen it for two days. Banta sked him how can u see for two days continuously night also comes in the middle.