laugh

[pramanisa]

Farmer Joe decided his injuries from the accident were serious enough to take the trucking company (responsible for the accident) to court. In court the trucking companies fancy lawyer was questioning farmer Joe. "Didn't you say, at the scene of the accident, 'I'm fine,'" said the lawyer.

Farmer Joe responded, "Well I'll tell you what happened. I had just loaded my favorite mule Bessie into the......."

"I didn't ask for any details," the lawyer interrupted, "just answer the question." "Did you not say, at the scene of the accident, you were fine?"

Farmer Joe said, "Well I had just got Bessie into the trailer and I was driving down the road..."

The lawyer interrupted again and said, "Judge, I am trying to establish the fact that, at the scene of the accident, this man told the Highway Patrolman that he was just fine. Now several weeks after the accident he is trying to sue my client." I believe he is a fraud. Please tell him to simply answer the question."

By this time the Judge was fairly interested in Farmer Joe's answer and said to the lawyer, "I'd like to hear what he has to say about his favorite mule Bessie."

Joe thanked the Judge and proceeded, "Well as I was saying, I had just loaded Bessie, my favorite mule, into the trailer and was driving her down the highway when this huge semi-truck and trailer ran the stop sign and smacked my truck right in the side. I was thrown into one ditch and Bessie was thrown into the other. I was hurting real bad and didn't want to move. However, I could hear ole Bessie moaning and groaning. I knew she was in terrible shape just by her groans. Shortly after the accident a Highway Patrolman came on the scene. He could hear Bessie moaning and groaning so he went over to her. After he looked at her he took out his gun and shot her between the eyes. Then the Patrolman came across the road with his gun in his hand and looked at me."
He said, "Your mule was in such bad shape I had to shoot her. -how are you feeling?"

[pramanisa]

Teacher : Why is honesty the best policy?
*

*

*

*
Student : Bcoz there is hardly any competition.
-----------------------------------------------------------------
When words are not just enuff to express ur feelings

Dont think u r in LOVE


You just have to attend a english speaking course!!!!!!!!
-----------------------------------------------------------------
A boy throws a bottle of Bournvita out of the window.
A cat sees and buries it under the ground.Why?


Ans:its "CAT Buries(cadbury's) Bournvita

[pramanisa]

There was a man who had worked all of his life, had saved all of his
money, and was a real miser when it came to his money. Just before he
died, he said to his wife, "When I die, I want you to take all my money
and put it in the casket with me. I want to take my money to the
afterlife with me."
And so he got his wife to promise him with all of her heart that when he
died, she would put all of the money in the casket with him. Well, he
died.
He was stretched out in the casket, his wife was sitting there in black,
and her friend was sitting next to her. When they finished the
ceremony,
just before the undertakers got ready to close the casket, the wife
said, "Wait just a minute!" She had a box with her, she came over with
the box and put it in the casket.
Then the undertakers locked the casket down, and they rolled it away.

So, her friend said, "Girl, I know you weren't fool enough to put all
that money in there with your husband?"
The loyal wife replied," Listen, I'm a Christian, I can't go back on my
word. I promised him that I was going to put that money in that casket
with him."
"You mean to tell me you put that money in the casket with him!!!!?"
"I sure did," said the wife. "I got it all together, put it into my
account and wrote him a check. If he can cash it, he can spend it."

[pramanisa]

A man, and his wife are awakened at 3 o'clock in the morning by a loud pounding on the door.

The man gets up and goes to the door where a drunken stranger, standing in the pouring rain, is asking for a push.

"Not a chance," says the husband, "it is 3 o'clock in the morning!" He slams the door and returns to bed.

"Who was that?" asked his wife.

"Just some drunk guy asking for a push," he answers.

"Did you help him?" she asks.

"No, I did not! It's 3 o'clock in the morning and it is pouring out there!"

"Well, you have a short memory," says his wife. "Can't you remember about three months ago when we broke down and those two guys helped us? I think you should help him, and you should be ashamed of yourself!"

The man does as he is told, gets dressed, and goes out into the pounding rain.

He calls out into the dark, "Hello, are you still there?"

"Yes" comes back the answer.

"Do you still need a push?" calls out the husband.

"Yes, Please!" comes the reply from the dark.

Where are you?" asks the husband.

"Over here on the swing!" replies the drunk.

[pramanisa]

Our communication - Wireless

Our dress - Topless

Our telephone - Cordless

Our cooking - Fireless

Our youth - Jobless

Our food - Fatless

Our labor - Effortless

Our conduct - Worthless

Our relationship - Loveless

Our attitude - Careless

Our feelings - Heartless

Our politics - Shameless

Our education - Valueless

Our follies - Countless

Our arguments - Baseless

Our boss - Brainless

Our Job - Thankless

Our Salary - Much Less

[pramanisa]

The bride ,upon her engagement went to her mother and said,"ive found a man just like father!""So her mother replied,"so what do you want from me,sympathy?"
------
The doctor took his patient into his office and said"I have some good news and some bad news".The patient said"Give me the Good news".The Doctor said,"They're going to name a disease after you"
--
During the wedding rehearsal,the groom approached the pastor with an unusual offer:”Look I’ll give you $100 if you’ll change the wedding vows.When you get to the part where I’m supposed to promise to ‘love,honour and obey’and ‘be faithful to her forever’,I’d would appreciate it if you’d just leave that out.”


On the day of the wedding,when it time for the groom’s vows,the pastor looked the young man in the eye and said”will you promise to prostate yourself before her, obey her every command and wish,serve her breakfast in bed every morning of your life and swear eternally before god and your lovely wife that you will not ever look at another woman,as long as both shall live?”

The groom gulped and looked around and said in a tiny voice,”yes”,then leaned toward the pastor and hissed:”I thought we had a deal”the pastor put a $100 bill into the groom’s hand and whispered:”She made me a better offer”

[pramanisa]

Once all the scientists die and go to heaven...... ...... They decide to Play hide-n-seek

.........Unfortunat ely Einstein is the one who has the Den......... ..He is supposed to

count up to 100...and then start Searching... ...Everyone starts hiding except Newton ...... ...

Newton just draws a square of 1 meter and stands in it right in front of Einstein.... .......

Einstein's counting.....1,2,3......97, 98,99.... .100..... ... He opens his eyes and finds Newton

Standing in front....... .Einstein says " Newton 's out. Newton 's.... out....."

Newton denies and says I am not out........He claims that he is not Newton ......

All the scientists come out to see how he proves that he is not Newton ...

Newton says "I am standing in a square of area 1m squared..... That makes me

Newton per meter squared..... . since one Newton per meter squared is one Pascal, I'm Pascal,

Therefore Pascal is OUT......... ..!

[pramanisa]

An elderly man took his little grandson for a walk around
the local cemetery. Pausing before one gravestone, he said,
"There lies a very honest man. He died owing me 50 dollars,
but he struggled to the end to pay off his debts, and if
anyone has gone to heaven, he has."

They walked on a bit farther and then came to another grave.
The old man pointed to the gravestone and said, "Now there's
a different type of man altogether. He owed me 60 dollars,
and he died without ever trying to pay me back. If anyone
has gone to hell, he has."

The little boy thought for a while and then said, "You know,
Grandpa, you are very lucky."

"Why?" asked the old man in surprise.

"Well, whichever place you go to, you'll have some money to
draw on."

[pramanisa]

With Pete soon to celebrate his 50th wedding anniversary at the church's marriage marathon, the minister asked him to take a few minutes and share some insight into how he managed to maintain his marriage with the same woman all these years.

The husband replied to the audience, "Well, I treated her with respect, spent money on her, but mostly I took her traveling on special occasions."

The minister inquired "Trips to where?"

"For our 25th anniversary, I took her to Beijing, China."
The minister then said, "What a terrific example you are to all husbands, Pete. Please tell the audience what you're going to do for your wife on your 50th anniversary?"

Pete smirked and says, "I'm going to go get her."

[pramanisa]

The Husband Store

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------


A store that sells husbands has just opened in New York City, where a woman may go to choose a husband.


Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates. You may visit the store ONLY ONCE!


There are six floors and the attributes of the men increase as the shopper ascends the flights.

There is, however, a catch. ... You may choose any man from a particular floor, or you may choose to go up a floor, but you cannot go back down except to exit the building!


So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband. .


On the first floor the sign on the door reads:

Floor 1 - These men have jobs and love the Lord.


*********

The second floor sign reads:

Floor 2 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, and love kids.


*********

The third floor sign reads:

Floor 3 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids, and are extremely good looking.


" Wow," she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going.


*********

She goes to the fourth floor and sign reads:

Floor 4 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids, are drop- dead good looking and help with the housework.

"Oh, mercy me!" she exclaims, "I can hardly stand it!"


*********

Still, she goes to the fifth floor and sign reads:

Floor 5 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids, are drop- dead gorgeous, help with the housework, and have a strong romantic streak.

She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor and the sign reads:


*********

Floor 6 - You are visitor 4,363,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please.

Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store. Watch your step as you exit the building, and have a nice day!

[pramanisa]

A little old couple walked slowly into a McDonald's one cold winter evening.

They looked out of place amid the young families and young couples eating there that night.
Some of the customers looked admiringly at them. You could tell what the admirers were thinking:
"Look, there is a couple who has been through a lot together, probably for 60 years or more!"

The little old man walked up to the cash register, placed his order with no hesitation and then paid for their meal.
The couple took a table near the back wall and started taking food off of the tray.

There was one hamburger, one order of french fries and one drink.


The little old man unwrapped the plain hamburger and carefully cut it in half.

He placed one half in front of his wife.

Then he carefully counted out the french fries, divided them in two piles and neatly placed one pile in front of his wife.

He took a sip of the drink, and then his wife took a sip as the man began to eat his few bites.

Again, you could tell what people around the old couple were saying. - "They were used to sharing everything."



Then the crowd noticed that the little old lady still hadn't eaten a thing.
She just sat there watching her husband eat and occasionally sipped some of the drink.

A young man came over and begged them to let him buy them another meal.
The lady explained that no, they were used to sharing.


As the little old man finished eating and was wiping his face neatly with a napkin, the young man could stand it no longer and asked again.


After being politely refused again, he finally asked the little old lady, "Ma'am, why aren't you eating. You said that you share everything.


What is it that you are waiting for?"











She answered,



"THE TEETH"

[pramanisa]

We met and found that we are a good match

We had a great kick-off to our love
through several passes and exchanges

But, suddenly you have gone off side (off sight)

Is this a penalty to me because
I did not ring you up?

You are the goal in my life

If you agree to marry me
I will get printed the yellow card (manjal pathrikai)

If you reject me my blood will make
the yellow card into a red card.

[adwaita]

1. Don't imagine you can change a man - unless he's in nappies.


**********

2. What do you do if your boyfriend walks out? You shut the door.


**********

3. If they put a man on the moon - they should be able to put them all up there.


**********


4. Never let your man's mind wander - it's too little to be out alone.


**********

5. Go for the younger man. You might as well, they never mature anyway.


**********

6. Men are all the same - they just have different faces, so that you can tell them apart.


**********

7. Definition of a bachelor: a man who has missed the opportunity to make some woman miserable.


**********

8. Women don't make fools of men - most of them are the do-it-yourself types.


**********

9. Best way to get a man to do something is to suggest he is too old for it.


**********

10. Love is blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener.


**********

11. If you want a committed man, look in a mental hospital.


**********

12. The children of Israel wandered around the desert for 40 years. Even in Biblical times, men wouldn't ask for directions.


**********

13. If he asks what sort of books you're interested in, tell him cheque books .


**********

14. Remember a sense of humour does not mean that you tell him jokes, it means that you laugh at his.


**********

15. Sadly, all men are created equal!

have a nice day

[adwaita]

*Break Into the House*


A man went to the police station wishing to speak with the burglar who had broken into his house the night before.


"You'll get your chance in court," said the desk sergeant.


"No, no,no!" said the man. "I want to know how he got into the house without waking my wife. I`ve been trying to do that for years!"


***********
 

*Lost Wife*


The man approached a very beautiful woman in a large supermarket and asked,"You know, I've lost my wife here in the supermarket.

Can you talk to me for a couple of minutes?"


"Why?" she asks.


"Because every time I talk to a beautiful woman, my wife appears out of nowhere."


***********
 

*Teacher*


"If there are any idiots in the room, will they please stand up?" said the sarcastic teacher.


After a long silence, one freshman rose to his feet."Now then mister, why do you consider yourself an idiot?" enquired the teacher with a sneer.


"Well, actually I don't," said the student, "but I hate to see you standing up there all by yourself."


***********


*Hearing*


An elderly gentleman had serious hearing problems for a number of years.


He went to the doctor and the doctor was able to have him fitted for a set of hearing aids that allowed the gentleman to hear 100%.


The elderly gentleman went back in a month to the doctor and the doctor said, "Your hearing is perfect. Your family must be really pleased that you can hear again."


The gentleman replied, "Oh, I havn't told my family yet. I just sit around and listen to the conversations. I've changed my will three times!"


***********


*Wedding*


Attending a wedding for the first time, a little girl whispered to her mother, "Why is the bride dressed in white?"


"Because white is the color of happiness and today is the happiest day of her life." Her mother tried to explain, keeping it simple.


The child thought about this for a  moment,then said, " So, why is the groom wearing black?"


***********
 

* Dream*


A woman awoke excitedly on Valentine's Day and announced enthusiastically to her husband, "I just dreamed that you gave me a pearl necklace for Valentine's day! What do you think it means?"


With certainty in his voice, the man said, "You'll know tonight."


That evening the man came home with a small package and handed it to his wife. With anxious anticipation the woman quickly opened the package to find a book entitled - " The meaning of Dreams".

[adwaita]

WALMART HAS EVERY THING

One day, in line at the company cafeteria, Joe says to Mike behind him,

"My elbow hurts like hell. I guess I'd better see a doctor."

"Listen, you don't have to spend that kind of money," Mike replies.

"There's a diagnostic computer down at Wal-Mart. Just give it a urine

sample and the computer will tell you what's wrong and what to do about

it. It takes ten seconds and costs ten dollars . . . A lot cheaper than a

doctor."


So, Joe deposits a urine sample in a small jar and takes it to Wal-Mart.


He deposits ten dollars, and the computer lights up and asks for the urine

sample. He pours the sample into the slot and waits.



Ten seconds later, the computer ejects a printout:



"You have tennis elbow. Soak your arm in warm water and avoid heavy

activity. It will improve in two weeks. Thank you for shopping @ Wal-Mart."





That evening, while thinking how amazing this new technology was, Joe began

wondering if the computer could be fooled. He mixed some tap water, a stool sample
 from his dog, urine samples from his wife and daughter, and a sperm sample for
good measure.



Joe hurries back to Wal-Mart, eager to check the results. He deposits ten

dollars, pours in his concoction, and awaits the results.



The computer prints the following:



1. Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener. (Aisle 9)


2. Your dog has ringworm. Bathe him with anti-fungal shampoo. (Aisle 7)


3. Your daughter has a cocaine habit. Get her into rehab.


4. Your wife is pregnant. Twins. They aren't yours. Get a lawyer.


5 If you don't stop playing with yourself, your elbow will never get

better!



Thank you for shopping @ Wal-Mart