Parenting--

[fatima]

How do you encourage your child to think independently? It's simpler than you think. Just listen- when she or he has something to say. This will encourage creativity and independence.

In fact this is easier said than done. Most of us are too busy to listen to what our children have to say. Sometimes, we indulge them, interrupt them and correct them. Have you given a thought to the message, which the child gets, when you do so? That whatever she is saying is not important enough, that you are not taking her seriously. But you never meant it to be so!

Such reactions starts undermining the child's confidence. She gets more dependent on you for her opinions. Because she feels her own is inadequate. And this lack of confidence will manifest itself, in various ways, right into her adult life.

Your child will only talk of things that fascinate her mind. You may not be able to relate to it. But give her a patient ear. And try to get involved. Be more of a friend and less of a parent!

She doesn't need an appointment to have her say with you. She isn't a part of your professional life. She might tend to ramble and take time getting to the point. But it's all a part of the charms of childhood. Enjoy it without glancing impatiently at your watch.

Don't try to correct her or ask her too many questions. This venture is not about her being right. It's about building her confidence by listening to her. So, let her have her say the way she likes it.

Show her you are listening. Respond adequately. Sound interested. An indifferent "Hmmm?" or "Uh oh" will send a negative message.

Don't force your child to talk either. If she is comfortable with silence, let her be. But you could try to get involved in her activities. Or tell her stories. Once she is comfortable communicating with you, her confidence level will grow

[fatima]

Chubby, thin, tall, short, happy, cry-baby, restless, peaceful….children come with such varied traits that arriving at common laws of good parenting would be absolutely inadequate . Yet good parenting would constitute of almost similar methods, to achieve the same end result, that is, to raise a child to be a good, happy and healthy human being.
All children behave as well as they are treated. Consequently Good Parenting would mean doing everything which would make a child loved, cared for, cherished and treasured. My experience in parenting so far has been an enriching and highly satisfying experience and I have found the following simple rules that I followed, to be very gratifying.

Communicate: It is very important to listen as well as speak to your child. The satisfied burps of an infant to its cries of pain or hunger will convey so much to you and guide you through parenthood.. As the child grows up it is important to listen to the child’s point of view, inorder to encourage his/her individuality. Also speaking to your child is the best way to impart values, and to assure the child of your unconditional support whenever he may need it.

Nurture: Providing your child nutritious food rather than easy convenient off-the-shelf fast food will ensure that your child will grow up to be a healthy adult, for a healthy person is a happy person. Teaching your child to adopt hygienic habits as a way of life, ensuring quality time with children in simikar age group and with family each day, will go a long way in fostering the rounded development of your child.

Love: Love can be conveyed by simple sweet words or simply by holding the child close to you. The warmth of hugs and kisses, through the power of sheer proximity, will strengthen the bond between parent and child .


Bond: Spending time with your child will give the child a feeling of security and warmth. It will make the child feel loved and cared to have his/her family around him/her. An effort should always be made to ensure regular interactions with grandparents, aunts and uncles, cousins, etc. This will expose the child to viewpoints of different generations and enhance his understanding, tolerance and patience powers.

Encourage: Each child is special and possesses a unique talent. Encourage him/her in areas of his/her interests instead of forcing him to pursue interests of your choice.

Discipline: Inculcating discipline in your child is a hallmark of good parenting. A well mannered child will reflect his upbringing bringing appreciation for your parenting methods..

Be firm: There may arise situations where you may be required to refuse your child his wish because it is detrimental to his well being. Do not give in. However difficult your child may behave, a parent has to learn to say “NO” sometimes, in a pleasant but firm manner or make the child see your point of view by effective art of persuasion. But be firm.

Persevere: At times you may wonder if parenting is worth the effort. The only answer is a big ‘YES’. Persevere…. Trust me, nothing can prepare you for the top of the world feeling, the kind I experienced recently. I was encouraging my son to go on a short holiday with his friends when he told me….”Mamma, I spend enough time with my friends everyday, I want to spend some time at home.” Did I feel on top of the world…..that is an understatement.

Befriend: Become a friend to your child. Every child needs a confidant as he passes through various phases in his journey

[fatima]

Brand new parents with no clue as to how to bring up your kid? We give below some ways to help ease the stress and strain of raising your little ones and prevent behavior problems through good parenting.

See that you spend enough quality time with your kid. Establishing a regular ‘together time’ on a weekly basis even if it means just going out for a drive will make a big difference to your relationship.
Keep track of your kid’s friends and the activities they do together. Try to familiarize yourself with their families. Get to know their parents.
Try to be there after school when your child gets home.
The dining table is a great place for bonding. Eat together as often as possible and freely discuss your day.
Never hesitate to ask or answer questions. Involve your kids in all important family decisions. This will pave the way for your child to open up to you when the need arises.
Never show shock or any immediate reaction to what your child tells you. Do not get worked up or act impulsively. Instead, discuss the matter in a calm manner and do not show excitement or lose your temper whatever the provocation may be.
See that you follow a good value system so that you can be a good example to your kids. When you show qualities like compassion, kindness, generosity and openness, your child will imbibe these values automatically.
Always practice what you preach. You cannot just order them to do as you say if you don’t do it yourself. Keep examining your own behaviour.
See that you reward your kid’s good behaviour with a hug or other expressions of love and appreciation. Kids are never too old for this, however grown up they are.
Try not to be critical of your child. Always emphasise the positive and appreciate what your kid does right. Never embarrass him by being openly critical or harsh. This will go a long way in reinforcing his good behaviour and will even help change bad behaviour on his part.
During the growing up years, it helps if you enforce certain ground rules and implement them. Never make empty threats of punishment and then let him off if he breaks the rules. Never make the punishments harsh.
If your kid is a teen, it will do a world of good if you impose a curfew and enforce it strictly. This can be negotiable for special occasions.
If you can afford it, give your kid a cell phone with clear rules on using it. This way, you can also keep track of his whereabouts. Ask him to keep in touch when he is out.
Parents have gut instincts where their child is concerned. Never hesitate to follow up if your gut instincts tell you something is wrong. Always adopt a positive attitude.
Always be ready to listen to your kid’s problems. This way, he is reassured that you are always there for him.
It is very important that your kids feel that their home is a haven and is a safe, secure place for them. Respect his privacy and teach him to respect yours.
Remember that the prime responsibility towards bringing up your kid lies with you and do not blame his teachers or anyone else should something go wrong.
Though you set the rules, be prepared to be flexible as your kid grows up.
Teach your children to take responsibility for what they do.
Always be there to help your child whether it is homework, trying situations or to just address concerns about his future. Learn to be a friend, philosopher and guide.
Remember that you do not own your child. He is an individual in his own right and should accept responsibility for the outcome of his actions. His success or failure is his own and certainly not yours.

[fatima]

It is said that example is the best teacher. So, are you eating healthy? Unless you do so, how can you convince your kids? Learn to enjoy healthy eating and you will find yourself becoming a role model to your kids. You will have the confidence to guide them right.

Try and avoid processed sugar in the house. Sugar gives your kids an emotional high, is the cause of disagreeable behaviour and makes them crave for more sugar. That is why you should never offer sweets as a reward / bribe.

These days, water is hardly considered a thirst quencher. Children demand a calorie-laden cola or a canned juice whenever they are thirsty. If they can be made to take water instead, it will leave enough room for a wholesome meal

Whole-grain breads should take the place of ordinary white bread which is full of empty calories. Use sprouted grains, go for brown rice and whole wheat pasta instead of processed ones. Develop a taste for healthy foods in your child.

Do not allow random snacking as it kills the appetite. When they are no longer hungry, the good food you dish up for them will seem unappetising and boring.

Get them to eat plenty of fresh veggies and fruits. Make attractive vegetable dishes that they can eat – when they are hungry. Dessert is healthy when it is in the form of fresh fruit. They can develop a taste for fruit only
when they don't consume sugared items.

Always offer your kids healthy alternatives. Do not offer icecream along with, say, an apple or a banana. The automatic choice will be the icecream, not the healthy alternative.

It will do you a world of good to remember that while you can go out and buy a new car / house, you have but one body for your entire life – so take good care of it and live longer, healthier and feel younger even as you grow older!

A few simple ground rules you have to follow for this:

Try and reduce your fat intake per day to under 30%

Include plenty of fibre in your diet. Fibre is the magic key word of this century. You get this in the form of whole grains, beans and legumes an fresh fruits and vegetables

Are you drinking enough pure water? Did you know that water is an essential nutrient? Regular consumption of just 8 glasses a day will help you in digestion and also to get rid of toxins.

Taking a brisk daily walk is more beneficial than any strenuous high impact aerobics. Include a bit of light weight training and you can ensure that your bones will remain strong.

See that you increase the intake of essential nutrients, a certain amount of fatty acids and phytonutrients in your diet. These will build up your resistance, keep you looking young and slow down the ageing process.
Avoid, or at least cut down on refined sugar. Did you know that sugar causes highs and lows and keeps you fluctuating between depression and irritability?

Limit your salt intake. Excess salt will only throw your minerals off-balance, cause uncomfortable water retention and even lead to high blood pressure. Start cutting down on salt.

Are you a smoker? Are you the type who can't exist without caffeine or alcohol? Well, what can we say except that it is slow poisoning and should be avoided altogether?

Maintain an optimum weight and avoid yo-yo weight loss programs which will only create a strain on the body.

Are you the type to get stressed out? You got to create a balanced life. A positive outlook and a happy attitude will go a long way. You are as happy as your mind allows you to be.

So follow these simple rules and evolve as a better person and the rig

[fatima]

Don't constantly pump antibiotics into your children. A lot of home cures work well. For a common cold and hoarse throat that is just coming on, dose them regularly with thyme, lemon and honey. Give them a teaspoon of this about four to five times a day. It will give them a lot of relief.

Always carry a little activity bag in your handbag. This should hold coloured pencils, crayons and paper. It comes in very useful if you are held up somewhere and need to keep your child occupied.

If your children get petulant about going to bed at the right time, start telling them a little before it's time. That way they will also get their 'extra time' satisfaction. And you will feel good about their getting to bed on time.

When your children share a room, you can divide it into two halves or two triangles. Each child will get to have two walls and a window to decorate and maintain as she or he thinks fit. Each is responsible for keeping his or her half neat and tidy.

If you're scared your kid will slam the door and get locked into a room, throw a towel over the top of the door. The child won't be able to reach it and the door won't slam shut.

You've lashed out at your child and unfairly too. Don't brood about it. Apologise, take him/her in your arms and cuddle him/her. Concentrate on giving him/her a good time.

If your child needs to take some bitter medicine, give him/her a frozen lollipop or an ice cube to suck for a few minutes. This will help to numb his/her tongue long enough to make the bitter medicine more palatable.

If a bee has stung your child, slice an onion and place the juicy side on the sting. It will help relieve the pain.

A tantrum in public? Quietly remove your child from the scene. Hold the child to you and talk softly and soothe him/her down. Discipline should take place at home where you can lay down the rules and tell the child what is acceptable in public and what isn't.

Spend a few minutes with your child just before he/she goes to sleep. Say positive things to him/her. How well he/she is doing in school, or how well behaved he/she is and how much you love him/her.

[fatima]

In this great effort at being perfect parents, most parents end up being overprotective parents! Are you one of them?

Are you…
Always imagining something horrible will happen to your child, if you are not around?
Suspicious of house help / relatives who offer to care for your child?
Waiting for your child to trip so you can gather him in your arms?
The type who won’t leave the child alone, ever?
Consider parenting a 24 X 7 moral duty?
If your answer to more than one question, is Yes, you qualify as an over protective Parent!

Where’s the Harm?
It all starts with effective parenting and great love for one’s child. But it degenerates into over protective parenting, which can be stifling, stunting and even harmful for your child. How can it harm your child?

The child will get completely dependent on you
It will not allow him to take independent decisions eg. What to eat or wear
He will not be able to fend for himself
It aborts the joy of discovery and learning
It may stunt his mental growth
Other children may ridicule him
Parting from parents will become a painful, and not a natural process
You sow the seed for childhood insecurities which may later manifest as psychological insecurities
Remember you are the role model for your child. So, when he grows up, he’s going to become an over protective parent too!

What can you do?

There is no magical formula to know what is right and what is not, when it comes to parenting. However, we give you some guidelines to make things easier…

Strike a balance between letting your child be and taking care of him and his needs.
Ask him to think for himself: “ what do you want to wear?” Empower him with decision making skills
Get yourself a distraction / hobby or something to do. Being obsessive about kids can ruin your life and theirs!
Allow him to make friends. Its important he interacts with people his age.
Allow him to have fun in a safe environment.
Let him learn from his mistakes.
Remember there is a very thin line between love and suffocation. Love your child by all means, but don’t suffocate him with your love / concern. Most often over protective parents do! Ironically, perhaps it is you who needs to “grow up”….

[fatima]

All of us get caught in challenges or conflicts while raising our kids. That's not at all uncommon. But it is all about how we deal with such situations. Sometimes, we get so mired in conflict that we actually lose sight of all those happier times. And in many cases along with our spirit, the spirit of the relationship gets lost too. Thus immersed in the conflict, we may even lose sight of all the mutual love, and then bad feelings and behaviour escalate to such an extent that we even begin to see each other almost as villains. And this is especially so during the ‘terrible teens'. Healing, even if it's between a parent and child does take some time.

Some parents turn to counselling in a bid to restore the relationship and look for strategies to deal with children's behaviour. They seek methods of disciplining their kids and this is okay as the kids also need to learn about limits and to internalise rules. But while doing so, it is important not to focus just on behaviour and discipline as it is likely that resentment might continue to build up on both sides. In all this one tends to leave out a vital ingredient which is so important for both the parent and the child to feel good about themselves and the relationship. And that vital ingredient is, funnily enough, the joy in the relationship.

When you express your joy in children, you are making them realise how much of value they are to you and how much you cherish the relationship. When a child feels and experiences their parents' joy in him, it can make any resentment or bad feelings fade. Because the attention is diverted more to the good times one has had rather than just being mired in conflict, it helps in faster healing too. It paves the way for a kind of emotional energy which in turn helps to talk and discuss, rather than rely on control and enforcement.

Sometimes, when as a parent you feel totally frustrated, just thinking of the joy the children have brought to you and revisiting the times when it was so easy to love them will bring their preciousness back in full force. Therapists have the following suggestions for finding joy in children.

Watch your children when they are asleep and find the joy welling up in you.
Catch them when they are doing something right and feel the pride and joy.
Tell them often of the pleasure and pride you take in them and watch them bloom.
Think of the times when they gave you laughter and joy and you will have tears in your eyes.
This way, by finding and expressing the joy in your children, you will pave the way for them to grow into responsible adults who will also be your friends. The magic of joy will see you through rough times; it may not fully resolve conflicts but will certainly give you a better and more balanced perspective and patience to deal with any situation involving your kids.

Mired in conflict with your kids? Just find the joy in them and see the magic work

[fatima]

Children must be taught about sex so that they have the right attitude towards it when they are growing up. It is therefore better they learn about sexual relationships from their parents rather than from their peers. It is for the parents to decide just how much the child should know so that he/she is not misled by rumours and myths and convoluted ideas which are so prevalent among the youth today. One cannot prevent wrong ideas or information being imparted to the child by outside influences. Keeping in mind that the child’s psyche is so vulnerable, it is important for the parents to know when and how to begin talking to the child on this rather delicate subject.

Take into consideration your child’s age. Your approach to a younger child should be very different from that towards a teen.
Begin very naturally as you would when talking of any other subject.
Keep it short and simple – no long lectures or dissertations please! Remember that a child’s attention span is very thin and it would be more natural to adopt a question answer format after a short introduction.
Swear words related to sex have become common and children mouth them without understanding the meaning. It is up to you to gently explain why such words ought not to be used. Any forceful handling might have adverse effect making the child use the word more.
Child abuse and sexual violence against children have become fairly common news items these days. Children should be made aware of this and taught to say ‘no’ when necessary. They must be made aware that some adults can be dangerous and not agree to going with them alone.
 Teach your children about puberty and all that it involves much before they attain maturity. These days it is quite common for very young kids to attain puberty even when they are not yet 10 years of age. They must be taught that though they may be very young, their bodies have attained a certain maturity that exposes them to dangerous, prowling adults.
Homosexuality, prostitution, sexually transmitted diseases like Aids should all be discussed in a phased manner. Remember that your kids are exposed to television or the internet that leaves nothing to the imagination! The child’s curiosity is already aroused and is ready with a hundred questions that he/she is ready to ask.
Never avoid answering your children’s questions on these topics and don’t dismiss them by saying “You are too young for all this!” It is but natural that they will begin to look for answers elsewhere and not all may be truthful!
Always admit if you don’t know the answer to some question. Say that you will find out and give them the information. Also always make sure that whatever you have said has been properly understood.
Always keep the doors open for discussion. Welcome doubts and questions. Answer truthfully and create an atmosphere where your kids can trust you. This will go a long way in preventing them from taking wrong decisions or being misled by outsiders.