Tips for Parenting Teens ~~~

[tana]

Om Sai Ram~~~

Tips for Parenting during the Teen Years~~~

Educate Yourself

Know as much as you can about teenagers. Think back on your own teen years. Remember your struggles with acne or your embarrassment at developing early - or late. Expect some mood changes in your teen and be prepared for more conflict as he or she finds his or her way as an individual. Parents who know what's coming can cope with it better. And the more you know, the better you can prepare your child.

Put Yourself in Your Child's Place

Practice empathy with your growing child. Help your child understand that it's normal to be a bit concerned or self-conscious. Tell your child that it's OK to feel grown-up 1 minute and like a little child the next.

Pick Your Battles

If teenagers want to dye their hair, paint their fingernails black, or wear funky clothes, it may be worth thinking twice before you object. Teens want to shock their parents and it's much better to let them do something temporary and harmless. Leave the objections to things that really matter, like tobacco, drugs and alcohol.

Maintain Your Expectations

Teens will likely to act unhappy with expectations which their parents place on them. However, they usually understand and need to know that their parents care enough about them to expect things from them. Appropriate grades, behavior, and adherence to the rules of the house are important standards to maintain. If parents have appropriate expectations, teens will surely try to meet them.

Inform Your Teen - and Stay Informed Yourself

The teen years often are a time of experimentation, and sometimes that experimentation includes risky behaviors. Don't avoid the subjects of sex, or drug, alcohol, and tobacco use. Discussing these things openly with your child before he or she is exposed to them increases the chance that your teen will act responsibly when the time comes.

Know your child's friends - and know your child's friends' parents.

 Regular communication between the parents of adolescents can go a long way toward creating a safe environment for all the children in a peer group. Parents can help each other keep track of the kids' activities without making the kids feel that they're being watched.

Know the Warning Signs

A certain amount of change may be normal during the teen years, but too drastic or long-lasting a switch in a child's personality or behavior may signal real trouble - the kind that needs professional help. Watch out for one or more of these warning signs:

Extreme weight gain or loss
Change in sleep patterns
Rapid, drastic changes in personality
Sudden change in friends
Skipping school continually
Falling grades
Talk or even jokes about suicide
Signs of tobacco, alcohol, or drug use
Run-ins with the law
Any other inappropriate behavior that lasts for more than 4 weeks can be a sign of underlying trouble, too. You may expect a glitch or two in your child's behavior or grades during this time, but your child shouldn’t suddenly be failing, and your normally outgoing kid shouldn't suddenly become constantly withdrawn. Your child's doctor or a local counselor, psychologist, or psychiatrist can help you find proper counseling.

Respect Your Child's Privacy

Some parents, understandably, have a very hard time with this one. They may feel that anything their child does is their business. But to help your teen become a young adult, you'll need to grant some privacy. If you notice warning signs of trouble, then you might want to invade your child's privacy. But otherwise, it's a good idea to back off.
In other words, your teenager's room and phone calls should be private. You also shouldn't expect your teen to share all thoughts or activities with you at all times. Of course, for safety reasons, you should always know where your child is going, what they're doing, and with whom, but you don't need to know every detail. And you definitely shouldn't expect to be invited along!

Monitor What Your Child Sees and Reads

Television shows, magazines and books, the Internet - kids have access to tons of information. Be aware of what your child is watching and reading. Don't be afraid to set limits on the amount of time spent in front of the computer or the TV. Know what your child is learning from the media and who he or she may be communicating with over the Internet.

Make Appropriate Rules

Bedtime for a teenager should be age appropriate, just as it was when your child was a baby. Reward your teen for being trustworthy. Does your child keep to a 10 PM curfew? Move it to 10:30 PM. And does a teen always have to go along on family outings? You decide what your expectations are, and don't be insulted when your growing child doesn't always want to be with you anymore. Think back. You probably felt the same way about your mom and dad.

Will This Ever Be Over?

As your child continues to progress through the teen years, you'll notice a slowing of the highs and lows of adolescence. And, eventually, you'll have an independent, responsible, communicative child. So remember the motto of many parents with teens: We're going through this together, and we'll come out of it - together!
 

Jai Sai Ram~~~

[mirasiv]

Dear Tanaji,

Jai Sai Ram.

I have read many of yours & Rameshji's post providing many important & useful information which is nice to read & understand.

I am in early thirty now and expecting for first baby by baba’s blessing. I would like to request you if you have any more information for expecting mothers, please share it in this topic. As i am living in UK with my husband only, so there is no elder person around us who can guide us or at least give some information for good & bad things to be considered during this period, may be many sisters are there who would like to share or update information. I can understand that those informations must be working differently for each & every person as  body tendency is quite different to each other,as our indian ayurvedic home remedies are very powerful so at least we can learn.

So please its my humble request, if you have any information to take care for skin, hair, complexion or any other related information which is good for growing baby of expecting mother or for mother itself please advise.

Jai Sairam

[tana]

Om Sai Ram~~~

Dear Mirasiv ji,
sairam

Firstly Congratulations expecting first baby by baba’s blessing~~~May BABA bless you always~~~
Thanks you Read & like our post...


This post by Fatima ji....For pregnant women...
Plez read it...

http://forum.spiritualindia.org/pocket-health-guide/tips-for-pregnant-women-t22143.0.html

{MAIN TIP IS HAMESHA KHUSH RHE~~~TAKE HEALTHY FOOD~~~READ GOOD BOOKS~~~}

This is for Skin care....

http://forum.spiritualindia.org/pocket-health-guide/skin-care-tips-t21601.0.html


BABA bless you & Your Family~~~

Jai Sai Ram~~~

[fatima]

5 Ways to Shake Shyness For Teens

Having a shy style isn't necessarily a problem. It's perfectly OK to take time to warm up to new people and situations. But shyness blocks some people from being as comfortable or sociable as they'd like to be.

Some people want to feel less shy so they can have more fun socializing and being themselves around others. Here are some tips for overcoming shy feelings:

1. Start small with people you know.

Practice social behaviors like eye contact, confident body language, introductions, small talk, asking questions, and invitations with the people you feel most comfortable around. Smile. Build your confidence this way. Then branch out to do this with new friends, too.

2.Think of some conversation starters.

Often, the hardest part of talking to someone new is getting started. Think of conversation openers, like introducing yourself ("Hi, I'm Chris, we're in the same English class"), giving a compliment ("That jacket looks great on you"), or asking a question ("Do you know when our report is due?"). Being ready with a conversation starter (or a few) makes it easier to approach someone.

3.Rehearse what to say.

When you're ready to try something you've been avoiding because of shyness — like a phone call or a conversation — write down what you want to say beforehand. Rehearse it out loud, maybe even in front of the mirror. Then just do it. Don't worry if it's not exactly like you practiced or if it's not perfect. Few of the things more confident-seeming people do are perfect either. Be proud that you gave it a go. Next time, it'll be even better because it will be easier.

4.Give yourself a chance.

Find group activities where you can be with people who share your interests. Give yourself a chance to practice socializing with these new people, and get to know them slowly. People who are shy often worry about failing or how others will judge them. Worries and feelings like these can keep you from trying. If self-criticism plays a role for you, ask yourself whether you'd be this critical of your best friend. Chances are you'd be much more accepting. So treat yourself like your own best friend. Encourage yourself instead of expecting to fail.

5.Develop your assertiveness

Because shy people can be overly concerned with other peoples' reactions, they don't want to rock the boat. That doesn't mean they're wimpy or cowardly. But it can mean they are less likely to be assertive. Being assertive means speaking up for yourself when you should, asking for what you want or need, or telling other people when they're stepping on your toes.
Most of all, be yourself. It's OK to try out different conversational approaches you see others using. But say and do what fits your style. Being the real you — and daring to let yourself be noticed — is what attracts friends.

[tana]

Om Sai Ram~~~

Parenting: Communication Tips for Parents~~~

Be available for your children~~

~Notice times when your kids are most likely to talk--for example, at bedtime, before dinner, in the car--and be available.
~Start the conversation; it lets your kids know you care about what's happening in their lives.
~Find time each week for a one-on-one activity with each child, and avoid scheduling other activities during that time.
~Learn about your children's interests--for example, favorite music and activities--and show interest in them.
~Initiate conversations by sharing what you have been thinking about rather than beginning a conversation with a question.

Let your kids know you're listening~~

~When your children are talking about concerns, stop whatever you are doing and listen.
~Express interest in what they are saying without being intrusive.
~Listen to their point of view, even if it's difficult to hear.
~Let them complete their point before you respond.
~Repeat what you heard them say to ensure that you understand them correctly.

Respond in a way your children will hear~~

~Soften strong reactions; kids will tune you out if you appear angry or defensive.
~Express your opinion without putting down theirs; acknowledge that it's okay to disagree.
~Resist arguing about who is right. Instead say, "I know you disagree with me, but this is what I think."
~Focus on your child's feelings rather than your own during your conversation.

Remember~~

~Ask your children what they may want or need from you in a conversation, such as advice, simply listening, help in dealing with feelings, or help solving a problem.
~Kids learn by imitating. Most often, they will follow your lead in how they deal with anger, solve problems, and work through difficult feelings.
~Talk to your children--don't lecture, criticize, threaten, or say hurtful things.
~Kids learn from their own choices. As long as the consequences are not dangerous, don't feel you have to step in.
~Realize your children may test you by telling you a small part of what is bothering them. Listen carefully to what they say, encourage them to talk, and they may share the rest of the story.

Parenting is hard work~~

~Listening and talking is the key to a healthy connection between you and your children. But parenting is hard work and maintaining a good connection with teens can be challenging, especially since parents are dealing with many other pressures. If you are having problems over an extended period of time, you might want to consider consulting with a mental health professional to find out how they can help.


Jai Sai Ram~~~

[sai70]

jaisairam,

Thanks  for the tips. But the situation is becoming worst with my kid. He is misbehaving with me n also with neighbours n friends. He threatens me n abuses me. However my relation with my husband is also the reason for his behaviour,since he treats me bad so as the son.Iam in helpless situation. Pls sai show me the right path. I bow on the holy feet n I surrender the problems to you.
sairam sairam sairam sairam sairam

[tana]

Om Sai Ram~~~

Six steps closer to your child~~~

1. Affirm unconditionally~~~

Whether we like it or not, we live in a conditional society. We have to perform in order to stay employed. Sometimes our children sense that they must perform to be loved. They have difficulty separating who they are from what they do, and unfortunately we too often add to the confusion by praising our kids when they make the team, bag the trophy, top the class or win a contest. Although there is nothing wrong with recognising a child's accomplishments, such affirmation must balance with recognising the youngster's unconditional value. Tell your children what a beautiful difference they have made to your life… irrespective of whether they are achievers or not.

2. Empower the youngster with choices~~~

Whenever possible, allow the youngster to exercise skills of decision-making by offering choices. This is especially helpful with the youngster who has difficulty in completing tasks, as the child is more apt to initiate and complete that which he or she has selected. Ask the child to choose what to do and when to complete it. This approach is usually perceived by the child as being a fair and reasonable gesture.

3. Occasionally let the youngster lead~~~

If you have a youngster who is sometimes critical of the way you do things, let him plan the next family outing or activity. Provide a few guidelines and a budget, then let the kid have a go at it. This won't necessarily ensure that everyone will have a great time on the activity, but it will eliminate much of the complaining. Be certain to recognise the youngster for his or her efforts.

4. Make tasks fun~~~

There's no rule that says that chores and tasks have to be miserable and never-ending. It's a fact, however, that more conflicts occur within families over issues of tasks    including homework    than anything else. Devise play-way methods for making even chores fun. These methods, you will be surprised to know, work even for older children!

5. Lighten up~~~

If we're not careful, we'll become so overcome by parenthood we'll neglect the opportunities to enjoy it. Hang on to your sense of humour; you'll need it. Spontaneity is a great source of fun, and when done in good faith, it almost always improves relationships. Food fights and water-gun duels are messy, but loads of fun. No harm is intended or taken, and everyone joins in on the cleanup. Let your kids know that parents aren't perfect. Encourage them to let you know if you do or say something that bothers them or hurts their feelings. If you were wrong, apologise.

6. Recognise improvement~~~

Kids sometimes feel that, if ever they did anything well, no one would even notice anyway. So notice. Recognise the child's effort, express your appreciation about it, and give your interpretation of the benefit derived because of the improvement. interpret what you think the improvement means.



Jai Sai Ram~~~

[tana]

Om Sai Ram~~~

Staying In Touch With Your Teen~~~

Your husband and you probably work long hours at your jobs. As a result you don't spend enough time with your children. The kids say they are fine and understand that you have to work, but is that a good thing? Spending time with your children, particularly your teen, is vital. Your teenagers need you. While young kids will tell you how much they need you, teenagers balancing their need for parents and their need for independence are less frank about their need for your help. They need you but rarely admit it. Here are some strategies to make good use of the time you do have at home with your teens.

Fully Focus~~~

Talk to them and give them your full attention. Leave your work, your worries, budget stress and your mother-in-law out of the conversation. Ask them about their friends, school, work, music or anything else that concerns them.

Cancel Complaints~~~

When first talking with your teen each day, avoid housekeeping business or discipline issues. Chores and complaints about messy rooms and undone homework can be handled later.

Double-Team~~~

Occasionally you and your husband should spend time with your children as a family. A snack at night, watching TV for a while (it doesn't need to be a whole programme), at the dinner or breakfast table or even in the car. This is especially effective when talking about issues and problems your teens may be facing.

Short and Sweet~~~

Talk with your teen in short segments of time. Mention things in passing; mention funny things happening in the news or at work. Your teens are very good at picking up information and attitudes from you in quick bursts. Long conversations and heart-to-heart discussions are great, but these brief interchanges can be equally effective.

Keep in Touch~~~

Try to see your children for a few minutes in the morning before everyone scatters for the day. Prepare the night before. Find out if they have a test or a particularly difficult class at school and give some encouragement. If face-to-face communication is not possible, leave notes, phone messages, e-mail or whatever you can, to keep in touch.

Teenagers need to hear from you and keep in contact with you. It is not necessary to spend large chunks of daily time with them. But make sure that your focus is on your teens, during the time you spend together.


Jai Sai Ram~~~

[fatima]

Avoid getting into an argument with your troubled teen

Understand that you can never win the fight though you may be convinced you are right. This is no time to prove that you know best as no teen would ever admit to being at fault. Nor would she ever confess that she is wrong and apologise even if she secretly regrets her mistake. The trick is not to ever force her to do so - it just won't work!

Don't ever have too high or too low expectations of your teen

High expectations will make your teen decide that you are expecting the impossible and she would simply give up even trying, while low expectations will make her lose all confidence in herself and make her think that she is incapable of success. Always strike a middle path.

Never make demands - try to tone it down to just a suggestion

Tell a teen to do something and the answer is almost always a "No". Remember that she is on the threshold of adulthood and is trying to come to terms with it. She is trying to become independent and resents any sign of control. Instead try asking her. For example, challenging your teen to get better grades will have a better effect than telling her to perform better because you expect it of her.

Avoid unnecessary battles. Choose your battles wisely

It is definitely more important to make your teen kick a bad habit than it is to force her to make her bed. So, there is no point in screaming at her for trivial things - it only makes the serious issues appear irrelevant.

Sure, you can ask questions all the time - but don't ever force answers

Do that and you will find your teen showing withdrawal symptoms. Wait for a reasonable time and you will find her opening up to you on her own. And remember to listen when she does so and never, ever, resort to criticising her.

Give your teen some space and the right to privacy

Remember, your teen is not your property - she is your responsibility. She needs room to grow and blossom as does everything else.

Of course, your teen will make mistakes and nothing you do can prevent that. But she will learn from those very mistakes on her own. Don't ever crow over her mistakes with a "I told you so" or "I knew this would happen". Instead, just be there for her when she needs your support. Your strong, understanding and silent support will do more for her than your recriminations. In fact, you will be surprised at how much you have learnt from the situation as an adult!

[tana]

Om Sai Ram~~~

Five Ideas For Keeping Kids Motivated~~~

Encourage academic and career goals~~ Talk to your child about his favorite subjects and help him make the school-career connection early on. Plan family activities that connect with what he is studying in school to emphasize real-world connections to academics.

Set high expectations~~ Show your child that hard work is rewarded; kids who believe effort and achievement go together perform better academically. Set up a contract with him to complete his schoolwork before going out or turning on the TV.


Praise successes~~ Positive reinforcement builds confidence and academic interest.


Beware of put-downs~~ Criticism can damage your pre-teen's fragile self-esteem and make her less willing to challenge herself.


Encourage kids to write whenever possible~~Writing letters, e-mails, and thank you notes will help develop crucial writing skills.

Jai Sai Ram~~~

[tana]

Om Sai Ram~~~

Teaching Children Virtues & Values~~~  
       
Children are the pillars of our tomorrow is a statement that is repeated time and again. And it is an axiom; they are our pillars of the coming time. But then do we nurture them into becoming healthy human beings? By healthy human beings here is not meant the physical well being, but the good human being. And how do you define a good human being? One with virtues and values that keeps them in the realm of working towards the benefit of humanity.



How can children imbibe within themselves the virtues and values? Well, this is the primary responsibility of parents and other immediate family members, followed by school authorities. The values and virtues of an individual is sown in their childhood and nurtured as they grow up. After all nobody is born a criminal, it is what they become as result of what they gain from their surroundings.



Depending on the way we bring up our children, we decide our own future. It is vital that in the formative years we give them quality time and attention. We teach them to discriminate between the good, bad and the ugly. WE have to inculcate into them positive emotions like love and compassion and teach them actions of kindness and generosity. At the same time we have to help them do way with the negatives of hatred, anger, jealousy, selfishness, etc.



Your child is like a plant. You sow the seeds and also reap the benefits of its growth and development. First and foremost you as a parent have to realize your responsibility in nurturing a child to growing into a good human being. And it is just not upto anyone of the parents, but both together to inculcate the values and virtues into your child.

 

Jai Sai Ram~~~