Baba,
Thank you very much for the message. I couldn't read any book or pray you with the tense state I was in. I was just switching over the channels of the TV while looking at you and Bharadwaja Master garu atop of the TV. I didn't dare to open the book and see for any message.
Nothing happened. I just keep on switching over the channels without any concentration upto 2 pm and then sit before my computer to see if I get any messages.
You haven't given any answer but a message that you love me. Thank you for that atleast. Somehow I am asking more and more because I lost the relationship with you which I had earlier. So I keep on questioning like 'Baba, are you with me' time and again.
Earlier you are with me each and every second and use to nod as if you say like 'yes. I am listening to you'. But it is not so now. That is why I am in agony and pain. Thanks anyway baba.
Dear Sai Bandhus,
I thought that I shouldn't talk with HIM. But how can I? I can't. I can quarrel with HIM but how can't I remain silent with HIM. It is impossible literally. I thought like 'Ok. Baba. Out of anxiety, I didn't pray you. I will pray you on sunday either by doing Namajapa or doing parayana and then let me know before 12 pm sunday'.
But I got this message through mails from one of the sai groups that I subscribed to:
A wealthy merchant came to Shirdi in 1911, along with his palsied
daughter. She could neither stand nor walk. She was carried into Baba’s presence. Baba blessed her and asked them to stay at Shirdi. On the third day she began to use her legs a little. On the eighth day she was able to walk, to the wonder of all the devotes. So too the wife of one Ghiasis, an employees of the Railway Department, was cured of her paralysis by Sai Baba.
Nandaram Marvadi visited Shirdi at the time of the second great plague in 1911. Many were leaving the village in haste. One day when he passed by the Maruthi Temple some people seated there told him that his eyes were red with fever and that he might be struck down by plague. In great fear he rode on horeseback to the temple where, on the advice of someone he offered a coconut and oil to the deity. Then he wanted to quit that place and sought Baba’s leave. Baba , however, dissuaded him.
“As long as I am alive I will not let you die”, he said and gave him udi. He stayed on and his fever vanished.
One day Shama was wiping Baba’s wet hands with a towel. Baba gazed at him playfully and pinched his cheek. Shama pretended anger and said,
“Sai, why do you pinch me? We don’t want a mischievous god who pinches us thus.” [
][
]
Baba replied, “
Oh Shama, during the seventy two births that you were with me, I never pinched you till now and you resent my touching you?” Shama said, “
We want a god that will ever give us kisses and sweets to eat; we do not want any dignity, wealth or heaven from you. Let our faith in you be ever awake and alive.”
Baba lovingly replied,
“Yes, I have indeed come for that. I have been feeding and nursing you all these lives and I have
love and affection for you”.
Such was the intimacy between the Master and devotee.
I always used to open the earlier issues of Sai Vichar Newsletter. I spent the time by reading them and slept at 3 pm. Since morning also I have been praying HIM like 'No more baba. I can't stand the pain'. Then somehow I felt like 'yes. I granted you'. Then I asked HIM like what you want me to do as a sign of gratitude. Immediately I got a page where in a devotee offers Rs. 1116 to baba for a udyapana. I felt very happy. I thought of borrowing the money and then repay it.
I asked HIM how to spend that Rs. 1116 and to whom I should give. I didn't get any message. I felt very disappointed. I thought of giving money either to a orphanage (which I visited last sunday) or to start fund raising to distribute blankets to poor people who lost their houses and offer this money as the initial amount. But I wish to let him only answer on how to spend it. I got a message like 'Annadanam mahaadaanam'. So I thought of giving it to orphanage. But I am also thinking like if I come forward and offer this money as the amount from my side and I start fund raising, whatever amount is collected I can give it to the poor.
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/tomakeadifference(This is the group which I started for social work.)
I will decide on this and I hope baba gives message through all of you.
Also I got a message like do not beg or borrow for a noble cause. I told HIM like 'I am anxious to give you the money and I definitely earn it on my own other than from my salary' and repay it asap like Cholkar.
I am so thirsty girl that I again ask HIM like 'Baba, please baba, if you say that the message to donate Rs. 1116 is yours only, please let anyone make a call to me before 1 pm or else a mail. But I would be more happy if I get a call'. I didn't get a call but I got more valuable, Deepikaji's mail. In that she wrote 'Dear, I prayed for you. I am sure, we are going to hear happy news from you soon'.
Still thirsty I am I told to baba, 'thank you. But can you please let someone call me'. I will wait upto 1:30 pm. Actually I didn't bring lunch and thought of going home but later changed my mind not to eat. Then I got an idea to go to sai temple near by. I started at 1:25 pm. I told to one of my colleagues to note the time if at all anyone rings to me.
Temple is usually open though the main mandir is locked. I went to the back of the temple and prayed to baba. 'Baba, please talk to me again. Please be with me as earlier. Alright. I will wait till the end of the day in office (6 pm) and you please let anyone ring to me so that I can feel like it is your message'.
When I returned I asked my colleague and she replied that I didn't get any call. Heart in heart I am praying like please assure me baba. Then the front office executive told me like 'you got a call and I informed that you are not there'. I asked the time. She said it is just few min back. May be 1:35 pm or 1:40 pm. So I am happy atlast. Ok. Baba is testing my patience. Anyway HE is slowly reducing the waiting time. I am confident that my relationship with HIM will be normal again. Baba, forgive me for my mistakes. But at the same time............. [
][
] (How greedy I am !!)
I decided to do parayan again with all my heart and also do pradakshina, recite Vishnu Sahasranama and leave something which I like the most, either Lady's finger or sweets. I hope this time baba will bless me with concentration and let me do all I wanted to do with utmost devotion.
I thank all Sai Bandhus of this forum. Sai stays here. HE is listening to all our prayers here. But as HE loves us all, HE is also playful and try to
pinch us and see. Let us play with HIM. [
][
]
No problem is a problem if HE is with us and nod to us like 'I am here. I am listening to you', kind of replies so that 'ok. HE is there with me. HE is talking to me'. As far as I am concerned I yearn for such type of reciprocation and interaction. HE is used to be so with me earlier. I could feel HIS love and warmth. Baba, please I invite you again. Take over my heart which you abandoned.
My heartfelt thanks to Deepikaji for being a messenger to Baba. Also I thank Shammiji and Srinivas garu who mailed me and last but not the least the beloved Sai Bandhus here.
Prasanthi