Jai Sai Ram
oh yes, my dearest Natarajan and Subhadra, it is my special pleasure to explain this quote.
The original quote is from St. Augustine, a 3rd century Christian Mystic and one of the so-called church fathers. Among the numerous texts he wrote there are the Confessiones (Latin for Confessions) a very moving and famous sort of autobiography in which he describes his life, his search for God and most of all his deep, deep love for God. The book starts with a dedication, a prayer & praise and in Confessiones I,1 it reads:
Thou hast made us for thyself and our hearts are restless until they find their rest in thee.
I modified this quote a little to adapt it to my personal feeling:
Right from my childhood I had a strong interest in everything and anything that had to do with religion (and foreign cultures [
]). In the course of the years and decades I've tried so very many things, joined and left various communities, searching for the place that would feel like home. There was a tremenduous longing in me to find my spiritual home and I kind of left no stone unturned while looking for it.
Growing up on a Christian background (but in an agnostic home, with the exception of my maternal grandmother who was a practicing catholic Christian and who took my sister and me to church very often, where I had some touching expierences), I tried to establish such a personal and close and devoted relationship we all enjoy with BABA with Jesus. I tried many years, many times in various phases of my life and in very many ways - yet it never happened (today I'm most grateful to Jesus that He did not accept me. It must have taken Him and BABA immense patience and perseverance, much more than was asked of me in my search.)
I was a member or on the periphery of various christian and non-christan mystic and spiritual movements, touched on druidry and shamanism and almost anything you can imagine (with the exception of witchcraft and everything that had even the slightest touch of black magic). And in years when I did not meditate (due to some not so desirable experiences which were only indirectly related to meditation but obviously part of my path) I took a deep look into myself with the help of psychology. It was wonderful, fascinating and a great adventure to go through all this - but the longing remained.
Looking back today I can say that a very intense and special dream a little more than two years ago made me set foot on a path that at the very moment I thought that this was again not what I was truly looking for and had stopped treading it (which was right, the path was not *it*, but it was a very important preparatory phase) made me meet BABA. It happened in a way that I would call today one of BABA's typical spiralling lilas:
Solely on the request of an acquaintance of mine I attended a lecture and a meditation session of a spiritual healer, the very Pablo I mentioned on this forum once or twice and who has become my very dear friend. The meditation was the most powerful one I had ever experienced so far. Pablo asked all who had attended to briefly mail or write him what we experienced. I took a few days to digest, wrote my report and mailed it to him. The very moment I had done so a feeling of an indescribably deep, deep peace and love and bliss came over me, a warmth and a light words cannot describe and a knowing:
My search has ended. I have arrived. There's nowhere I need to go. There's nothing I need to do. I am at home!
A day or two later, BABA appeared to me here in my room (standing next to a little basket where I keep all those things you can tie to your ankles and thighs and wrist and waist if you like while dancing, including little bells [
]), saying not a single word, simply standing there smiling. I had no idea who HE was, but knew I'd find out in due course. For the moment I was happy and curious about my new soul-guide.
Again a day or two later, Pablo invited me for tea for the first time and I saw BABA's picture there. I asked Pabo who He was and Pablo mentioned His name briefly. I did some internet search - hadn't even got HIS name properly, still found or rather was guided to this website, exchanged a few mails with our dearest Ravi Bhai .... and ever since I'm here. [
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Looking back at this search that took about half a lifetime, still and ever stronger feeling that I am truly at home and out of love, awe, deepest gratitude and devotion do I say
Restless was my heart till it found rest in THEE
(Ruhelos war mein Herz, bis es Ruhe fand in DIR -- if you kindly permit me some German [
])
OM SAI SRI SAI JAYA JAYA SAI
OM SAI SRI SAI JAYA JAYA SAI
OM SAI SRI SAI JAYA JAYA SAI
OM SRI SAI RAM GURUDEVA DATTA
OM SRI SAI RAM GURUDEVA DATTA
OM SRI SAI RAM GURUDEVA DATTA