thanx sai......but pain is unbearable...

[upasana]

mein chahti hun ye topic sab podhe.
sai satchirit mein likha gea ki bacho ki mithi chez pasand hai.par maa use uski achai ke liye kadbi chez dete hain.mein apna ek real experience share karna chahta hun.2nd1/2 yrs pehla mein ek shadi mein ek ladke se mili thi.qualified or handsome tha.ya mujhme intrest dikhiya ,wo jane ke bakt mujhse mera  phone no lia.tob mein podh rehi thi.contact badta chala gaya.milna bhi hua.hum dono bahut dur rehte the,to mein bahut kam bar mili thi.usne mujhe propose nehi kiya thi.mulkat ka 6 month ke bad mujha laga wo jada serious nehi hai ,to mene bhi distance bhadna start kardiya.par meri jindgi mein aur koi nehi tha. kabhi kabhi bat hota tha,6 month beet gaya.uske bad achnak wo mujhe le kar bahut serious hogaya,aur uska caring mein viswas karke use pyar karna start kar di.hum dono do bar mile,aur bahut acha time spend kiya.me use bahut  chahne lag gayi thi.uske bad mein bahar a gaye job ke liye.aur wo bhi higher study ke liye padh raha tha.phone pe contoct tha,sab kuch thik tha.achnak thoda se bat karna kam kar diya,aur mujhe hurt karna start kar diya..to show kar raha tha ki wo depression mein padhiye ko leke.par au sabo bat share kar raha tha.
achnak mere ek proposal aya tha,to mene use bataa.pehle bola shadi tod do,mein kaha ki thik he par mein ek bar mil leti hun kun ki ghar me pressure he.usna mujhe propose nehi kiya tha,to mein wo wait kar rehi thi ki uske bad ghar mein batyungi.par wo guasa hogayabola ki sadi kar lo,ise bhi maine tume koi commitment nehi diya hai.uske bad jhahda bhodta chal gaya.exact reason mein jan nehi parehithi.wo idhar udhar ki bat bol raha tha  ghare mei razi nehi honge.tumhre bhi mere bhi.jada behez badhne par bola mein kisi aur se pyar karta hun.mein uski nam pucha to uska nam ,jiske bare mein me pehle use puch chuki thi.wo bola tha ki wo koi nehi hai ek pagal type ki ladki hai.par mujhe viswas nehi hua.jo ye kehta tha ki mein viswas nehi todung to kaise aisa kargae.bat kar na band kardi 2 months ke liye,baba ki samne bahut royi.par tab bhi mujhe apni pyar par bhorsa tha.mein paryam start gurubar se,achnak orkut mein dika ki uska prifile commited likha hua hai.jis din paryam khatam hua next day mene unhe call kiya,aur mujhe ekni hogaya ki uski zindgi mein do ladkiya simultaneously thi.wo mujhse ese bat kar raha thi ki sari galti meri thi.aur usne har bat bahut ko ase explain kar raha tha,ki mein tolrate nehi kar payi.aur boli plz band kijiye.mene us ladki si bat ki uski permission se par wo ladki boli use sabkuch pata hai.pata nehi use kya pata hai aur maine use kuch nehi batya.wo puchi tumhre unke sath kya hai.to me boli me unki sirf dost hun,aur kuch nehi.uske bad mene unse kaha ki aj ki bad sab kuch khatam.asebhi wo dono sadi karne bale hein.next day mujhe cal karkiye batae ki wo bat nehi karrehi hai mujhse.tum se bat karke kol mein ek bahut badi galti ki.mains use samjhaya ki mene kuch nehi kaha.par wo samjha nehi.mei us ladki  ko cal ki aur boliki mene tume kuch nehi kaha..to usne kaha ki mein alag bat ke liya unpe guassa thi.par usne uske bad cal carke sory bhi nehi kaha.uska sere words sab jhute the.wo hum dono ki bich sayad confuse tha.aur ye socha ki mein 100% dedicated relatonship mein belief rakhti  hun,to usko extra marital relationship sirf rakhna mein problem hoga.par wo ladki jitna mujhe laga sayad innocent he,mujhse bhi jada.jo bho ho baba ne mujhe bacha lye agar wo mujhe chose karta to meri jindegi to bar bad ho jati na.men use bad dua nehi dene chahti kun ki mene use sacha pyar kiya tha.par jab bhi uski sari jhote promises yad ate hein,to ansoo ka sath nafrat bhi hoti hai.use to maf nehi karpungi,khudki bhi nhi kar poungi.baba ne mujhe warn kiya tha.wo pechle sal jab shirdi gaya tha wo sai devotee nehi hai,pata nehi kun gaya tha,sayad baba use dekhne chahte the.uske payon mein ek iron ka kanta lag gaya aurbahut bleeding.bich sadak mein bina chapal ke dhoop mein bahut taklif hua.wo mujhe bapos ake bola mein age kabhi shiridi nehi jaunga.main use jane ke liye nehi kaha tha,mujhe bahut kharab laga kyonki wo janta he ki mein sai devotee hun phirbhi bola.mujhe apni baba pe pura viswas hai,aur wo kabhi nehi mere sath chodenge.baba uski mirraige hone wali he uske sath,mein nehi chahti ki wo news mujhe pata chele.plz baba mujhe sahne ki shakti dena..omsairam

[saib]

Mountains are supposed to stand still at one place, If they begin to move, it will only bring destruction to them…………similarly Rivers are supposed to flow, if they will stop their flow, The water will not remain holy or of any use, It will get polluted.

Baba knows what is good for us, To stay and wait…………..or to move on. He guide us!

If you have just finished a book and now starting another. You will never be able to enjoy or learn anything if you compare with old one, Don’t get attached, take a lesson. forgive and forget! Even it is most difficult for many reasons, to live with a guilt that I failed to recognize one, but it is not a matter of self blame, We have only limited insight and can’t see what is in one’s real heart. It is not so easy to differentiate between what one pretends and what is reality.

We can choose to move on, admitting that we are just human and that sometimes humans do fail and do mess up.

Forgiving others and yourself, letting go of the guilt, it won't change the past. But it can change your future.  Opening new path of great happiness!

May Sai Bless!

om sai ram!