Sai Ram,
Dear Sai Baba's
devotees I am gathering my strength with Sai Baba's blessing and sharing my personal life experiences. Please bear up with this long story.
I have been married for the last 4 years , my family includes my husband , mother-in-law , my mother-in-laws mother and my unconditionally loving dogs . Though my present family is very small I was blessed by god as I was born in a joint family of 26 people . We all have lived as one family.
Before my marriage I was a very outgoing girl. I used to drink and go out but I knew my limits and I had immense faith in god even in my younger days. I used to fast during the Sawanth Month . I have been a great follower of VAISHNO Devi MATA.I used to pray every day to god and still continue doing so.
Since mine was a love marriage I found it very difficult to adjust to my husband’s family. Our customs were very different since I was a North Indian and he was South Indian. I used to be very close to mother-in-law before marriage but as soon as I got married she started acting very possessive about my husband. She used to complain about me to all her friends and family behind my back. Her biggest negative quality is she ill treats servants and abuses and even raises her hand sometimes , but on the contrary her Biggest positive quality is she is a believer of Sai Baba .She organizes bhajans once a month on Thursdays.
This is where my journey with Sai Baba began. As a part of the monthly event at home, I used to help my mother in law to organize bhajans and distribute Prasad it after the puja. This has been going on since I got married and my faith in Baba started since then. As years went by married life was quite peaceful except my husband use to raise his hand and abuse me after drinking. My mother in law always took up his side by saying we are women and we should put up with it.
He loved me a lot but I feel the only reason he could beat me, abuse me, throw things around was because his mother never corrected him. Since childhood he has been much pampered. As days went by my husband suddenly started spending time outside home, he used to come late from work, used to sit by himself lost even at home. This went on for 8 months. I used to cry to my friends thinking he was having an affair with someone. My prayers to Baba were every single day but it was more like a routine. Not to say I dint believe in Baba but I used to pray just to keep in touch with god.
Still remember one night I had gone out with my husband and friends as usual he was in his own world and within minutes he went missing from the party. His absence confirmed he was having an affair; I started thinking of Baba in my mind. Out of nowhere a friend of mine came gave me a hug and said “YOUR HUSBAND IS NOT IN LOVE WITH ANYBODY ELSE BUT HE IS ADDICTED TO DRUGS “. My life was shattered. I still can’t tell you I felt betrayed. It was all over. My only hope was his mother. The next day I confronted him in front of his mother he was in shock because he was caught for doing drugs after 1 year and his mother just started crying not saying a word to him.
I was heartbroken I wanted to leave the house but I think Baba wanted me to stay. I was trying to get myself back to normal, but things at home for the next 6 months we just not OK.. Everyday my husband would fight with someone or he would just refuse to eat. I was living like a dead body. My only savior was my prayers to Sai Baba. I had not mentioned about my husband problem to anyone not even my parents. I was dying each day my conversations were only with Baba through my prayers .
As months went by my faith in Baba increased, I used to fell Baba is guiding me and he has wanted me to face the truth now. I used to think Baba dint want me to suffer for long that's why I found out about my husband’s habits. In the middle of this mess I had become pregnant. This was a ray of hope in my life. I was so happy. I used to sit and dream about my family. I even thought of a name for my baby .But something was just not right. My husband used to be happy one day the very next day he used to beat me up. Things were going to fast I dint have time to realize I was going into depression. That was the every 1st night Baba appeared in my dream .My dream was very weird I remember seeing Baba but I just could not understand my dream. I woke up that morning with a thought that Baba wanted me to feed poor children and I had to go to the temple. I mentioned this desire to my family and they encouraged me to go ahead. Since I use the internet I had suddenly logged on to Sai Baba's website where Baba gives answers to our question. My question to Baba was will my baby in my womb be healthy and safe. The answer was unbelievable but true. The answer was “Feed the poor outside the temple and God will do what is best for you ", this was the same as my dream.
It was just before Diwali on a Thursday I went to the Baba temple, fed the poor and I even went to an orphanage and fed poor disabled kids. I was crying while I was serving them, there was some fear in my heart. It was like a burden I wanted to get rid of. That same evening I had to visit my doctor to see how my pregnancy was progressing. Nobody will believe but the doctors broke the news I had a miscarriage .I was speechless. My life was like torture, I even wanted to kill myself. I refused to talk to anyone I cut myself from my family, my friends for almost 4 months. I was initially very angry with Baba after all my prayers to him all I got was disappointment.
Suddenly my thinking changed overnight I began to see the positive side of my miscarriage. I understood why Baba had taken away my child. Since my husband was into bad habits this could have caused some abnormalities in my baby. Baba to save me from trouble in future after the baby was born gave me pain for 4 months and saved me lifelong pain. I began thanking Baba for all that had happened to me.
Just when I thought everything was getting normal my husband had quit his habit, one night we were watching TV. He was just staring at the ceiling; I was noticing him from the corner of my eye. Suddenly he broke the silence and told me he wanted to confess something. I was not ready hear tragic news but I kept praying to Baba in my mind asking him to give the strength and help me to stay calm. My husband said he was continuing his habit and he wanted me to help him out of his addiction. That night my husband and I cried a lot. I made him swear on Sai Baba he will never touch drugs again. With Baba's blessing he has not touched it and he has become a strong believer of him and prays to him every night.
It’s been months now and life at home has become peaceful. I pray to Baba each day , I have got into the habit of lighting Agarbatti in front of Baba and sing one Bhajan . The reason I am wring to all the other devotees is because of what happened recently. I have had Saicharita for over a year now but I have not read it. Recently I decided to read 1 chapter a day I’m still on my 6 th chapter . Since I have been praying to Baba for many years now but I have never gone to Shirdi, Neither has that thought even crossed my mind. Last week it was a Wednesday I was sleeping after my prayers to Baba, Baba's holy book is always under my pillow at night I slept like a baby. The next morning I woke up and I clearly remember Sai Baba in my dream the previous night but I just couldn’t understand the dream. It was like Baba was trying to say something. I was really happy that I was blessed Baba had appeared in my dream but I was quite upset I dint know what the meaning of my dream was. Anyways the only one I mentioned about my dream was my mother. It was around 11.30 I was at work and again I logged on the Shirdi Baba's website. As I was reading Saileela’s sudden a urge to go to Shirdi had aroused. I was very hesitant to even mention it to anyone because I was scared if I make a vow and if I was unable to go Baba will get upset. But then within minutes I made up my mind, I rang my mother in law from office and I mentioned my wish to go to Shirdi. She was very happy and she decided to come along as well. My only hurdle was what if my husband was busy and what if he refused to come. As soon as I mentioned my desire about Shirdi he agreed in fact he was the one who went and booked the tickets for or trip.
We left within 2 day. Saturday evening my husband, mother in law, my mother and I flew to Pune. Since our flight was delayed we got to pune at 8 in the evening. We decided to go to the Vaishno Devi temple in Pimpri. We got lovely darshan. My mom had taken a vow before my marriage that she would take me and my husband to Mata. Her wish had come true and she fulfilled her vow. That same night we drove to Shirdi. We had booked for the Aarthi at 12:00 noon the next day . I was happy the moment I stepped into Shirdi I dint sleep too well that night I was restless I wanted to just go for Sai Baba's darshan.
Our visit to Shirdi as a family was my mother in laws dream because she also had made a vow when we got married to bring us for Baba's darshan. The Que was never ending but we patiently waited for the doors to open. That was my moment of truth. There I was standing in front of Baba. MY wish was granted. The second I looked at Baba I began to cry. It was a feeling I have never had before .I just stood staring at Baba and tears rolled down my face. I felt Baba was hugging me and I was crying like a child cries in a mothers comfort. I prayed for everyone I could possibly think of. Baba's Darshan has changed my life. I feel I have a better bond with Baba. I feel even if I lost so much in the last few years it’s all been paid off with just that once glimpse of Sai Baba's face at Shirdi. I hope and pray Sai Baba blesses us with a healthy baby soon and call us for his Darshan again.
On our way back we went to the Shani temple which was also a beautiful experience. My husband handed over some oil to the pujari to put on the idol. Our holy trip was coming to an end. We were on our flight and I was busy reading one of Baba's books I had picked up at the temple. As I read with interest I could not believe what I was reading .This is what I read - People who live far away from SHIRDI Baba comes in their dreams , dreams which don't make any sense , dreams people can’t understand. The message is clear Baba is calling you for Darshan to Shridi .
My life feels so perfect. Sai Baba's blessing is always with all his followers.
Jai Sai Ram .
Topic: my expeince with Sai Baba (Read 3223 times)