Sister Confusednseekinghelp,
It seems like you wrote my feeling and prayer in your words. It's getting very tough for me. I don't have any peace of mind, my mind is always running and I am always sad. I just keep praying to baba all the time but baba is not listening to me. Maybe I don't deserve his blessings. I have been to Shirdi recently and It was my belief that all who go to Shirdi get Baba's blessing but guess I am the unlucky one who returned empty handed.