I am undergoing lots of problems in my education right now. I am troubling so many people's happiness because of this. It was all my fault and I know that and accept that completely. I was totally broken and under total depression. I am in US away from my parents. They have spent so much on me and I did not fulfill their wishes. I have wasted a lot of time and money and hurt many people in the process. Now I feel like Sai Baba has been giving me little hints throughout my life to follow him. But, I did not pick up on those hints. Then he gave me this big shock and now since 3-4 weeks I have started to pray to him all the time. I read that if you read Sai Sat Charitra in week, Baba will certainly bless you. I know that Baba cannot make my whole problem dissappear as it was my fault and I have to suffer. I am asking him to help me study and be strong and work hard. I am asking him to help me get a second chance. This time with his help and blessings, I will not make mistakes. But, I really wanted a miracle after reading the Charitra. I just at least wanted a darshan of Baba - as it is so difficult to see his pictures here, I thought it would be a really big miracle if that happenes. On the Thursday (yesterday) after finishing the Sai Sat Chartitra, The whole day I was waiting for his miracle. When it did not happen, at 12 midnight I felt so alone and so unhappy. I feel like Baba does not like me and that is why he is totally not coming to me. I feel very bad. This morning I again convinced myself and was going through his website and reading about him. I have not lost faith but I am feeling so sad that he totally is not coming to me at all - not in dreams or as a picture darshan or anything. I really want Baba..... I feel so strong but when I see he is not coming, I feel like all is lost and I break......
Topic: help me (Read 865 times)