I am starting to hate you Baba

[Jaiguru]

Dear siddharth,
i can understand the pain and sorrow u have been undergoing,
As u said, cheaters and liers have the right to enjoy the fruits of life...its absolutely wrong dear,
One enjoys / suffers on this earth according to ones karmas...

One may  b very good and leading a righteous life in this incarnation but they must have done something wrong in their past lives which is carried forward to this life,and the consequences of those bad karmas we have to reap in this life time,if not in next life.....so long we have those karmas attached to us ,our cycle of death and birth never comes to an end...You know well ,union of atman with paramatman {salvation} ends these life cycles..
Infact feel happy all your bad karmas are getting cleared,
These are the lessons i learnt by being in this spiritual path,but never leave this path...
God will never let His children fail,strongly believe this....there must be some strong reason why too many kick backs in your life...You may not know why it all happened now,But TIME will answer you everything...
Regarding your girl friend also ,One reason could be !} Baba must have felt shes not the right person for you
2} You must have done the same thing for some girl in your last life...

Inspite of all negative things in your life,still i beg you not to leave this path,because this is the time where u require God most ,no one else can give you any solace better then HIM...

Wait siddharth,He will answer you,let this phase pass and all the doubts u expressed on this forum will be answered...

many times even i questioned myself why its happening with me,but i used to get the convincing answer,sooner or later..
HAVE FAITH AND PERSEVERANCE,,

BABA LOVES YOU,STILL HES WAITING FOR YOU ,PLEASE GO BACK SIDDARTH.....
God bless you,
Jaiguru....

[Well-wisher]

Siddharth,

If only you look around you will see what Baba has done here at this very forum with just one post from you.

You say you looked for loving, guiding support, a teacher, a helper, a friend... just anyone.
If only you read a few posts after that you'll see - someone called you friend, beta, someone who guided you, someone who tried to restore faith in you, someone who asked you to keep hope and hang on, someone who showed you how strong and better you are, someone who somewhere gave you the answer to your 'why me' question, someone who is praying for you, at least 2-3 people who understand 'its frustration' not hate... people wanting to understand you and shower you with love, support, prayers and blessings.

Now, please re-read Anupamji's post.

People hurt us Siddharth. They hurt us all the time. No one on earth said all would be good to us. In fact, theres not a single person on earth who will not hurt us at some point of time in life. We are all human Siddharth. Its natural. We hurt knowingly-unknowingly. I'm not saying its ok. Am saying its human. Those who caused hurt did the best their brains could think of at that point of time. May not be right, but people always do the best they can given the circumstances. Many a times it turns out to be wrong, hurtful to others, selfish and deciving. But thats all they could do at that point of time. Their soul was not mature enough to understand and feel your pain or the consequences. And the account of their actions is for them to settle with God and themselves.

What is it that we can do now... for ourselves? Forgiveness Siddharth. Forgiveness is the best gift one can give oneself. As difficult and hurtful as it may sound (and trust me it is difficult)... forgiveness is the only way out! Your not forgiving people will not make any difference to them. But it will to you. Until the bitterness remains, you're going to be in pain. You've already been thru so much. Why nurture and pamper the pain more by remembering all those people? Is it worth ruining your life and peace? Don't u seek peace? Then let them be. Just think of them as immature souls and forgive them and move ahead in life Siddharth.

God doesn't make a looser out of us Siddharth. He makes us fight and fight and fight till we get better and better and stronger! They say Siddharth, God is more interested IN THE GROWTH OF OUR SOULS THAN OUR CURRENT COMFORT.

Maybe thats why...

We're all praying for you Siddharth. We are all here a complete family. And we are not letting go of you. Each one here wants to see you stronger, wiser, happier and at peace. Each one wants you to be an inspiration for millions of others who maybe going thru a similar situation as yours.

You asked why Sai Baba does this to you? Maybe He wants YOU to be that one inspiration for millions who face many, many, many troubles in life. No one is a looser in life Siddharth. No man, however worse the situation can be one.

ONE CANNOT LOOSE WHEN ONE HAS GOD WITHIN. LET THE GOD WITHIN YOU WIN SIDDHARTH.
YOU CANNOT BE WEAK SIDDHARTH... YOU ARE THE STRENGTH.
FOR THERE IS NOTHING YOU ARE MADE UP OF BUT THE LIGHT OF GOD!

Please tell yourself the minute you feel low.

THERE CAN BE NO DARKNESS AROUND FOR I AM THE LIGHT!
THERE CAN BE NO HATERED, FOR I AM LOVE
THERE CAN BE NO LONELINESS & SORROW, FOR I AM BLISS
THERE CAN BE NO WEAKNESS, FOR I AM STRENGTH
THERE CAN BE NO DEATH, FOR I AM LIFE

Life is about choices Siddharth. START AFRESH AND CHOOSE LOVE, LIFE & LIGHT!
We are all there with you... through this entire journey. No one is lonely, for we're all on the same path... with the same goal... reaching God...

Om Sai Ram

[omsaishrisai]

I know sometimes I also get that feeling. But BABA takes his own time to get things straight in our life. At the end it will all happen for good. BABA please don't make your devotees go through such pain. Please help us. Baba will listen to your prayer and show you some miracle soon so that you will know that BABA is right here with you.

[siddharthakala]

Thanks a lot. I really appreciate the response from everyone. I am just sick of living like this. Maybe I am expecting too much from Baba. Maybe I deserve everything or maybe not. I cant discriminate right from wrong anymore. I dont know what should I do. Whatever I do just makes things worse. I had just a little hope left and I am losing on that too.

After everything that I have been through, I am just left with nothing. I cant sleep, I cant eat, I have lost all the confidence, I dont go out anywhere, I dont talk to anyone, and the worst part is I just graduated and have to find a job for myself exactly at the time when the economy is not doing so well and I am not in a condition to do anything on my own.

I am just really upset with Baba. My condition is getting worse day by day but he is just watching and letting everything happen like He dosnt care. Its not that I am asking Him to give me everything without me doing anything. I want to work hard, much harder than anyone else, but, I just ask for His support and guidance. I never ask Him to make me a milliionaire or a celebrity. I am just asking for my share of happiness. Or atleast give me the reason for my pains and sorrows. I dont say that I am the only one suffering here or that my pains more acute than anyone else's but I am not strong enough to bear everything on my own. I just ask Him to give me enough strength to fight everything But He is just watching over me. Everytime I doubt His existence, He would do something exactly at the same time, which would be much more than just a mere coincidence or a miracle. But now I dont know if there is any God or Heavens. I just give up on my life. I have the white flag right above my head. Just do whatever you feel is right. I am done trying to make things better each and everyday. I tried to do everything that I could but nothing works. Maybe this is my fate. Whatever He has decided for me He should know. I am done crying each and everyday in front of your picture. I dont even care about that anymore. If He cares about me He would convince me otherwise whatever happens is all His will.

[PreetiSai1]

Hi SiddharthaKala, We all see your frustration. Please stop thinking all the things at the same time. It will do nothing but overwhelm you. Think of one problem at a time. There is no need for you to justify to people that you are innocent. You have to justify every one of your actions only to baba. When time is bad even when you try to do good it will turn out to be baad. But that does not make you a bad person. Stop worrying about everyone.

we think that we should make everyone around us happy. we are ready to lose everything and suffer. we think we are suffering for others. But that is foolishness. We can never make anybody happy. We can only make ourselves happy. Happiness comes from Hope. Hope comes from faith. Please try to be happy. God will only help us when we try to do something from our end. He gives you the push when you start trying. Everyday when you get up think you are going to be happy today and start the day. Keep telling that to yourself all day. Keep remembering baba when it is tough. I am sure it will take time. But surely one day you will be effortlessly happy.
I am sorry if i said anything to hurt your feelings. I will pray to baba to give you the strength to see baba everyday and in everything you do. Please trust him. We all are in this together. Please do not consider yourself to be alone. We all are your family and we are here to help you.
Om sairam

[Anupam]

Siddarthkalaji, the fact is that actually we do not face the effects of only our Karmas. It is written in Holy scriptures that the Karmas of our past 7 generations effect us. It maybe some ancestor who might be trapped in darkness also called Pitrurinh (ancestors debts ) which we might be clearing. Also it is another fact also that the dark and negetive forces always try their utmost to divert people from enlightened path by creating supposedly unsurmountable difficulties.
But it seems to me that more than anything else, BABA wants to break all your shackles. I see Baba's infinite love as you are much enlightened and he wants you to taste the BLISS OR GOD. The people who have destroyed your reputation no doubt aredriven by dark forces, but Baba is not acting in the manner because he wants to show you the very temporary nature of the earthly relationships and break your EGO and ATTACHMENTS. I know it is hard and I'am not one of the enligtened people but this is what I hear from Saints. AND I FEEL THE BEST WAY TO MAKE BABA ACT IS NOW TO "FORCE" HIM TO SHOW LIGHT AND LEAD YOU.
Yes the way is to wash your Karmas and wipe the negetive forces by CONTINUOUS JAAP TO INCREASE THE POSITIVE FORCES IN LIFE RATHER THAN THINK AND INCREASE NEGETIVITY, It is mentioned in scriptures and mentioned by Saints, that more negetive we think the more the negetive powers have control over us and more torment we will undergo.
Leave SAI, FOR SOME TIME AND TAKE REFUGE OF HIS HOLY SWEET NAME. IT IS THE FACT THAT MORE THAN GOD HIS NAME IS MORE POTENT. THAN "HE WIIL HAVE TO ACT", here even GOD IS HELPLESS IN FRONT OF HIS BHAKTA.
THERE IS A STORY In BHAGWAT ABOUT RAJA AMBRISH, He was a great Krishna Bhakta in the sense that always Narayan's name was at his tounge so much so that it ran in his breaths. One day Maharishi Durvasa 9who was Lord Shiva's incarnation) got angry with him and tried to curse him, as soon as he thought about it Sudarshan Chakra appeared and got after Maharishi Durvasa. He ran to Brahma who expressed his helplessness, he then went to Lord Shiva who also was unable to do anything. Maharishi Durvasa covered all Lokas but with no help. FINALLY HE WENT TO KRISHNA HIMSELF TO GET SUDARSHANA OFF HIS BACK, "BUT EVEN KRISHNA WAS UNABLE TO DO THAT". Lord Krishna asked him to run and ask forgiveness from Rajan Ambrish himself and if he forgives Maharishi Durvasa only then Sudarshan will go back. AND IT WAS ONLY WHEN RAJA AMBRISH FORGAVE MAHARISHI was Sudarshan Chakra pacified and returned to Lord Krishna, otherwise even Lord Krishna was helpless. AND RAJA AMBRISH had never had any darshan of Lord Krishna unlike Mharishi Durvasa who could visit any Loka on free will. SUCH IS THE POWER OF THE NAME, TAKE THE REFUGE OF BABA'S SWEET NAME. 

[GaneshHariharan]

Excellen post Anupam ji. Please keep enlightening us with such posts. Om Sairam.

[rr_sai_bhakt]

very nicely explained Anupam ji .. thank you ...

[Anupam]

Thanks Ganeshji and rr_sai_bhaktji, my appeal to Siddartha ji is just get out of the depression he is feeling and just go after Baba. Baba wants unconditional surrender, when we do it it becomes Baba's duty to give us all we require. Siddarthaji to face the wind you have to create a tornado in opposite direction