Baba after everything that you have done to me I am starting to hate you. Even though I have not done anything wrong, you have made me look like a loser in front of everyone, and especially in front of myself. For whole of my life of 25 years You have always given me hope and the broken my heart, not just broke but smashed it into the wall. I have always believed in only one God, and thats you, but give me just one good reason for which I should trust you. You have always been taking things away from me, not just that you always show me that you could have given me the best thing but you wont. My father was a staunch believer of Yours but what happened to him, he committed suicide. I have always been craving for some support, guidance, a teacher, a helper, someone, just anyone, but I never had that and have always been feeling lonely. I never asked you for much, I have always asked you for a very simple and normal life. I never asked you for money but happiness, but why would you give me that. One after the other you have snatched away every little thing that I had. You fulfilled many of my wishes but in such a way that I had to regret in the end that I even asked you for that. You shook my world and took away everything that I ever had. You took away all of my friends. You turned each one of them against me. The only thing that have always craved for is friendship and support, and you made me look bad infront of all of them, even though I have not done anything that I have been blamed for. Maybe you dont know but it really hurts when your own friends stab in your back. But, how could you be satisfied with just that, you turned away the best girl of my life. She liked me and wanted to be with me, but when I wanted to talk to her exactly before that, you did something that would make her hate me. And this was not the first time something like that happened. You do it all the time no matter what it is related to. You really have a perfect timing. The way you supported all those liers and cheaters and haters is just amazing. This just gives me one lesson that only the people who are smart enough to lie, cheat and steal effectively are the ones who enjoy every fruit of life, and even you help those who do every possible bad thing that they can. People like me who are not so good in lying and cheating are the ones who suffer all the time. I cant even account my whole life, my pains and suffering here. But it really hurts when everytime you show me the best thing around me and give me that hope and then sbatch it right away, like you really hate me.
After all I have been through all my life, now I am left with nothing just the pain and suffering. You have closed every possible door to prove myself not guilty in front of my friends. I barely have any confidence left to do anything, because everytime I try to do something or try to fight, you would do something to make me a loser. No matter what I do or how I do it, it just turns out to be wrong. Everything I think of or try to do turns against me. I want to try and work hard like everyone else but I cant even do that anymore, cause when I would try to do something you would make it go bad and I would feel like you are laughing at me and saying that I wont let you do anything no matter what. I have done every possible thing to convince you but I just can take it anymore. I have tried every single thing that I could think of but nothing works for me. I am just sick and tired of being a loser all the time. I dont have any hope left in my life. I dont think anything is ever going to be good for me. The only thing I ask for is death, but why would you give me that, its the only fun you get. You really enjoy seeing me crying and craving for things as simple as a good sleep. My life is just a part of a joke for you and you really have nice time making things worse for me. But, please I beg you for the last time either give me a reason to live for or end this life right away. I am ready to pay the remainder of my sufferings in the next lives. I just cant bear it anymore.
I will be moving out of my apartment soon and as soon as I do that I will stop believing in you or any other form of God. You will have to convince me that you really care about me. You will have to answer me, atleast give me a valid reason for all my sufferings Only then I will start to worship you again. Now its upto you to decide if you want me back in your feet or not.
I apologize to all of the readers out here. I dont want to hurt any one of you by saying things like this about Baba. I am sincerely sorry if whatever I have written above makes you feel bad. But this was the only way I found to express myself to Baba. I am just extremely upset with everything that I have been through and the worst part of it came right after I went to Shirdi, where Baba fulfilled one of my wishes right away. I again apologize to all of you.
Topic: I am starting to hate you Baba (Read 6994 times)