Conversation with Baba....my true friend

[vidyarp]

Baba...when mind has 20 different things going on...when the mind is not steady...what to do?

[vidyarp]

Why do we let the people we love, hurt us? Why dont we stop them? Why do we put up with abuse and go through the pain and why do we suffer silently? Why is it that when we are actually trying to bridge the gap, they want to push us through the cracks? Why dont they understand that we cannot retort in the same manner and say and do all those hurtful things? Why is our silence mistaken for cowardice and why are we bullied and blackmailed...just because we love them? How can we put up with this arm twisting tactics baba? and how mean of him when he said all those hurtful words.....knowing fully well that it is not the truth. And he has the audacity to sleep through it as if nothing happened. My tears and my emotions mean nothing....i am just a milestone that he achieved long time back...its of no value to him now...what i feel, want are meaningless...if at all..he gets irritated by anything i say...a sign that it is breaking up....i am sad and unhappy....this was not meant to be....i dont have the love and respect that i deserve and yet i continue to stay with him....and yet i continue to stay away from my father....who is the only one who truly loves me.....
Baba....what is a life partner....they are supposed to be your anchor when you are down and out....they are supposed to hold you and pull you up when you fall down.....but here - if i fall i am yelled at and screamed at...and even if i dont fall down i am told all the time that how incapable i am and how i can fall down.....there is no comfort and no love....

[vidyarp]

baba...please take care of the people in the missing flight. I hope they are safe. My prayers for their safety baba!

Baba...i think i need to reset my attitude and mindset. I should enjoy what i have and where i am...because i actually worked hard to get here and you have enabled me to come here. It cant be so bad. I should enjoy the present and not brood over things that are not there. And there is no guarantee that when i get those things i will be happy. I will start craving for more....so all in all baba...i am fine where i am. Thank you so very much for everything.

[vidyarp]

Baba...why cant i make up my mind on what is it that i want to do....sometimes it is this, sometimes it is that...i sound like a 5 year old...who gets distracted with so many things. I surely need to me more mature. I just want  a steady mind and and action to pursue my mind. Without this, nothing can happen...please baba...guide me

[vidyarp]

Baba...it is true that we remember you only when we are in despair...At least i do that...and i am deeply sorry for it. I am sad...though i know i have a choice to make here....and i should be content to live with the outcome of that choice...still my heart yearns for help, love and support. bahut mehnat se kamaye hain baba...and now i dont know if i need to give it for this thing which may not result into what i want in life....

[vidyarp]

Baba...after a long time, i think i know what i want in life. I did so much of thinking and evaluating...fighting and crying...only to realize that there are certain things that can be done and then there are others that cannot be done...accept this and move on....only then can i be happy..

Thank you baba...i do not regret my decision..and thanks for helping me

[vidyarp]

The important thing in life is to know what you want and to do things that will take you there. It is very important to bridge the gap between knowing and doing. Unfortunately, this is my problem....knowing and not doing anything about it.

Hmmm.....baba....please give me the strength, wisdom and courage to do the right thing

[vidyarp]

Good morning baba....thank you for helping my son with the belt test. he is so happy and proud. baba....yesterday r also mentioned the same thing as i always have been saying....there needs to be something to look forward to...something you enjoy doing....
baba....but my current focus is to complete what i started....i cannot be a deserter....I cannot give up...i have paid the money for it...and its hard earned money...my mother would like me to do this....So i will just do it...

Also i need to remember that i am not on meds right now. Which means i need to be careful in what i eat. If things dont improve i'll get back to meds which is not what i want....so i had better be serious about it.

[vidyarp]

Baba...good morning.
Yesterday my colleague died. I dont know him personally. I have not worked with him...yet i feel bad. I feel sad...it was an accident and he passed away yesterday. How vulnerable we all are....makes me wonder why we run after all the money, fame and everything....when we should actually be living in the present and enjoying the present. We dont know what the future holds...we can strive for a good future...but we cannot guarantee it. My colleague did not plan to die....he would have made plans...he would have invested in something, hoping for a better future....and now all that is worthless. people who were on the ferry in south korea.....people who were on the flight mh 370....did they plan on the accident? NO...they did not!so when we do not know what lies ahead of us....why do we fret and fume so much? Why not live in the moment ...make the best of it and just pray and prepare for a better tomorrow.....
why do we lust after money..we work hard and get into a good company...we make decent money and then we are unhappy...because someone else has a better profile, better job description, better car, bigger house, more onsite trips, more salary, more powers....the list is endless!!!And this makes us unhappy....we want it too. we crave for it...without knowing what the journey has been for the other person...everything comes at a price. Its all about the choices we make in life.
Baba...for once it makes me want to sit back and see what i want. I have done enough analysis....but at times like this...it occurs to me that maybe what i am doing is all so futile.

[vidyarp]

baba...good morning.
I had a busy weekend (long one at that). At times i want to stay back home and take care of home and family. But i also need my space and freedom to do what i want. i want the money and independence that comes from going out to work. But i also want to be at home to see my son through his studies, his activities and generally be around him. What a dichotomy!!
I dont feel like working in another org any more. And i dont like my current org. So i need to quickly finish my unfinished task and move onto what i have been thinking...baba...please help....

[vidyarp]

Life will go on like this baba....and i think i should stop waiting for the perfect moment to get everything done and be happy. Because it will never happen. Happiness is now...in this moment...seize the day and get something good out of it.
I feel like i am a queen of false starts and failures....i have never been able to keep my promise to  myself...not even when....
that makes me really selfish....and i am paying for my sins.......my body has started reacting to age...and i am no longer invincible....i need to get  my life back....and only i can do it baba. You can only guide me to do the right thing...doing it is my business.
so help me dear lord....

[vidyarp]

baba...thanks to you...i am able to walk at least. Ah...for the small mercies in life. What would i do if i had to depend on others. Imagine being unable to walk or move. It feels terrible baba. It is also a lesson to me to not take it lightly. baba...i wont forget it...also it tells me that life is precious...enjoy while you can....stress really kills you and so find joy in what you do....

[vidyarp]

baba....i feel thank ful to you that i am able to walk at least. Please baba...i dont want to be dependent on any one for anything. Please let me live and die like this - independent and not causing any trouble to anyone. baba...at times like this, i realize how precious life is and why we shouldnt fritter away any single second...because you never know whether you will be able to enjoy the next second or not.

Please let me be humble and grounded and let me be your child forever

[vidyarp]

baba...we pray for a million things...we pray for something more always...we seldom say thank you for what we have....past experience has shown me that i should not say thank you and i have everything....you know what happened the last time i said that! so, i'll have to keep asking you for something!!!!
So baba...thank you for making me realize that everything is maya, an illusion...and what i really need is peace and happiness. I will be peaceful and happy on the day i die i guess. But seriously baba.....what can be more satisfying in life than being able to do your own things...without having to depend on others. I mean walking itself is a challenge (became one for me last week). Then isn't that life's most precious gift? Freedom.
Yes baba...i want to be free. I dont want to be chained to anything....i hate rules and rituals and dont want to be tied down to it.

[saib]

Vidya,

If possible spare some time, Read "The Fakir: The Journey Continues" by Ruzbeh Bharucha. Amazing Book after The Fakir. and there is no such thing like Death except for most evil spirits. There is only beginning, journey and Nirvana. Journey of spirit from one life to another until nirvana. and freedom can be obtained while in body, after we are separated from this mortal body, it is very tough to change at that level.

May Baba Sai Bless You with Good Health and Great Life !

om sri sai ram !