Baba...really i think i am the pits!!Imagine - i keep jeopardizing myself again and again. I set myself up for failure and then crib and complain. God - is there no end to it?? enough vidya- stop fooling yourself! U know u have to focus on 4 items - one is BAU (that has to happen, no way out), then u have a short term objective (which in my opinion - u should do first along with managing BAU. It will help in upcoming talks and boost ur confidence and knowledge), then u have a medium term objective (which should be done after doing th short term one because this is an add on to your current skills. So u need to be pakka in ur current skills and then look at adding over and above), and finally is the long term goal which requires some serious investments in terms of learning a totally new area and making time for practising it. So no confusion only concentration on the objectives in order of priority.