Conversation with Baba....my true friend

[vidyarp]

Baba...please help me to be my best friend...i am more of an enemy to myself right now
Baba..please show me the way and i hope that i dont let u down....i dont want to bury my head in sand out of shame...i want to hold my head high with satisfaction and gratitude...

[vidyarp]

Baba...sab theek rakhna please....u know that there are sooo many things happening right now...at home and at work....please baba...let everything turn out fine. I hope to do a decent job at work...i want to feel good about what i do and hold my head high with satisfaction (that comes from knowing that u have done a good job and u have what it takes to be good) And i hope at home front - things are eased out a little. Too many frictions...i want happiness and peace. I cant take this roz roz ka drama...please ...let peace prevail...let there be justice and let there be harmony. I have promised something to my mother...i hope i can keep it forever.
As of now at personal front - am doing my best to sabotage myself  Why...is anyone's guess!!! Grrrrr....i hate it!! I am done with all this blah!! Its time i started doing something!!

[vidyarp]

Baba...i am travelling tomorrow...u know it all...hope i do a good job in this trip..with your blessigs i hope to do well....
baba...please take care of all...

[vidyarp]

Dear baba..am here in SJ...things are fine....fingers crossed..hope things go fine.

[vidyarp]

Dear baba...am back. In my opinion the trip was good. I learnt a lot...i am a little scared because now i am on my on...please dear lord...help me do the right things.

[vidyarp]

Baba...just to say - that i am done with being torn into multiple pieces. I am so fed up of all the sadness and anxiety that i am giving it all up for living in the present. Am i rambling?? I dont want to live any longer with this continuous struggle between career and home...family and work...i think i dont need to discuss the details here. Every career woman goes through this...every working mother goes through this....and this is a never ending tussle...i figured that i might as well enjoy the trouble while it lasts. because u never know when u have to quit and stay at home. And u are here for a given reason...and u have workd hard to come here...people would give a leg and an arm to get here....then why should u let it all go for an easier life...and for a life that u think will be easy...u dont know what it would be like....its an unknown....
So forget all about this and get on with life as it is...

[vidyarp]

Baba...good morning....today i got everything ready for my father...i feel good when i do something for him....and each and every day i think of my mother and my promise to her. And i have this vague recollection of talking to her in my dream yesterday. Wow. Ma...i miss u.
Ok - so on the work front - CD gave me a nice feedback...so safe to say that my trip to SJ was a success of sorts. I only hope i carry fwd the momentum. And like i said yesterday - i have tried everything - fighting, resisting, pleading, begging...everything to get out of this situation that i am in right now....nothing has worked...so i might as well enjoy and give it my best while i can....
Thanks to u baba...for putting these thoughts in my mind.

[vidyarp]

Om namah shivaye....
Baba....thank u for this day....please take care of all.

[vidyarp]

But i still havent found what i'm looking for.....

[vidyarp]

baba....what do u do when u feel down and out...and when u feel frustrated and bored...

u define a goal for yourself....maybe a small one or a life changing one...but something to look fwd to....
So...as i sit here ...frustrated, angry, bored and sad...i think i should set some goals that i would like to accomplish...

1. Wellness - i need to be fit in my body and mind...and that comes only with pure love and dedication towards building a healthy body. I want to become a fit person and shed all those extra baggage - physical and emotional.

2. Financial independence - I value my financial independence and would like it to be this way till the very end. But i know with the kind of work pressure and environment i am in, this is not sustainable in the long run. I have to pursue my plan B so that when the time comes, i am secure in my knowledge that i can manage without this job. But till that time, i need to do a good job of what i do right now.

3. Pursue my passion - Music is my passion ...my therapy. I must invest my time in learning this.

[vidyarp]

Baba...dil kitna chanchal hai....it is not focusing on anything....and despite all my talk about not being torn in multiple pieces...i am still at the same place...nohing has changed...i have not moved ahead....baba...where is peace? where can i be happy?? This is not getting me anywhere baba. I dont want to continue living like this. So what do i do???

[vidyarp]

Baba...i am going round and round in circles for about 5-6 years now. I am so fed up that i cant even mention....save me baba....this is getting all out of hand

[vidyarp]

Jill of all trades master of some.....i'll never forget this.
Baba....i am going to be Jill of all trades and master of many. Please bless me baba....i cannot do anything without u...

[vidyarp]

Baba...darr kyu hai mann mein? jo darr gaya wo marr gaya...yeh baat bilkul theek hai. Darrne se koi kaam nahi hone wala hai. Ab kuchh karo ya maro...yehi naubat aa gayi hai. I am fed up with my inability to take action. I read a bautiful article yesterday - on why following your passion is a stupid thing to do if u just do it blindly. It says nobody is going to pay u millions to do what u love - laze around..reading books..surrounded by beauty...rubbish! U dont even know what ur passion is. Even if u know - r u good enough to make it work for you? Most of the times, u enjoy ur passion only when u get good at it. And getting good at it needs practice...constant and demanding practice. U do not excel overnight. U attain it through hard work and dedication. So if u quit ur job today and say that u want to start earning a lakh rupees everyday by investements, u r only fooling urself...u dont know the first thing about it. U need to learn and practice. Then u say that u love music...but do u know anything to get on by?? No. So again u need to learn and practice.
Thats the tough part. But then knowing me - i surround myself with even more complexities than required.So now when i know i have multiple things to do...cannt really focus on one thing..i get confused. cant prioritize. all are important.
so that should remind me of school days and how i excelled in studies then. I worked on multiple subjects and did very well in all of them. How? Through focussed attention to all of them individually. So its the same this time around too. Nothing has changed...just the subjects...and without the pressure of exams So there should be no problem in handling it.

Jill of all trades...master of some!

[vidyarp]

Om sai baba...please help all the earthquake victims baba....they die for no fault of theirs.....Please take care of them...

Baba...yesterday i actually felt very god after the 1 hr i spent learning my passion - music. I felt so good. I want the same feeling to persist. But nothing comes for free...so i have to give it my best and earn that feeling.

I will...i promise.