laugh

[pramanisa]

Interview at Infosys

        Read it and enjoy..........

 

Interviewer: Tell me about yourself.
 
Candidate: I am Rameshwar. I did my Tele Communication engineering from BabanRao Dhole-Patil Institute of Technology.
 
Interviewer: BabanRao Dhole-Patil Institute of Technology? I had never heard of this college before!
 
Candidate: Great! Even I had not heard of it before getting an admission into it . What happened is - due to cricket world cup I scored badly in 12th.I was getting a paid seat in a good college. But my father said (I prefer to call him 'baap') - "I can not invest so much of money".(The baap actually said - "I will never waste so much of money on you"). So I had to join this college. Frankly
speaking this name - BabanRao Dhole-Patil, can at the most be related to a Shetakari Mahavidyalaya.
 
Interviewer: ok, ok. It seems you have taken 6 years to complete your engineering.
 
Candidate : Actually I tried my best to finish it in 4 years. But you know , these cricket matches and football world cup, and tennis tournaments..It is difficult to concentrate. So I flunked  in 2nd and 3rd year. So in all I  took 4 + 2 = 7 years.
 
Interviewer: But 4+2 is 6.
 
Candidate: Oh, is it? You know I always had KT in maths. But I will try to keep this in mind. 4+2 is  6, good, thanks. These cricket matches really affect exams a lot. I think they ! should ban it.
 
Interviewer : Good to know that you want cricket matches to be banned.
 
Candidate: No, no.. I am talking about Exams!!
 
Interviewer: Ok, What is your biggest achievement in life?
 
Candidate: Obviously, completing my Engineering. My mom never thought I would complete it. In fact,  when i flunked in 3rd year, she was looking for a job for me in BEST(Bus corporation in Maharashtra) through some relative .
 
Interviewer: Do you have any plans of higher study?
 
Candidate: he he he.. Are you kidding? Completing 'lower' education itself was so much of pain!!
 
Interviewer: Let's talk about technical stuff. On which platforms have you worked?
 
Candidate: Well, I work at SEEPZ, so you can say Andheri is my current platform . Earlier I was at Vashi center. So Vashi was my platform then. As you can see I have experience of different platforms ! (Vashi and Andheri are the places in Mumbai)
 
Interviewer: And which languages have you used?
 
Candidate: Marathi, Hindi, English. By the way, I can keep quiet in German, French, Russian and ma! ny other languages.
 
Interviewer: Why VC is better than VB?
 
Candidate: It is a common sense - C comes after B. So VC is a higher version than VB. I heard very soon they are coming up with a new language VD!
 
Interviewer : Do you know anything about Assembly Language?
 
Candidate : Well, I have not heard of it. But I guess, this is the language our ministers and MPs use in assembly .
 
Interviewer: What is your general project experience?
 
Candidate: My general experience about projects is - most of th! e times they are in pipeline!
 
Interviewer: Can you tell me about your current job?
 
Candidate: Sure, Currently I am working for Bata InfoTech ltd. Since joining BIL, I am on Bench. Before joining BIL, I used to think that Bench was another software like Windows.
 
Interviewer: Do you have any project management experience?
 
Candidate: No, but I guess it shouldn't be difficult. I know Word and Excel. I can talk a lot. I ! know how to dial for International phone call and use speaker facility. And very important - I know few words like - 'Showstoppers ' , 'hotfixes', 'SEI-CMM','quality','versioncontrol','deadlines' , 'Customer Satisfaction' etc. Also I can blame others for my
mistakes!
 
Interviewer: What are your expectations from our company?
 
Candidate: Not much.
1. I should at least get 40,000 in hand.
2. I would like to work on a live EJB project. But it should not have deadlines. I personally feel that pressure affects natural talent.
3. I believe in flexi-timings.
4. Dress code is against basic freedom, so I would like to wear t-shirt and jeans.
5. We must have sat-sun off. I will suggest wednesday off also, so as to avoid breakdown due to overwork.
6. I wo! uld like to go abroad 3 times a year on short term preferably 1-2 months) assignments. Personally I prefer US,Australia and Europe. But considering the fact that  there is a world cup  in West Indies in 2007,I don't mind going there in that period . As you  can see I am modest and don't have many expectations. So can I assume my  selection?
 
Interviewer: he he he ha ha ha. Thanks for your interest in our organization.  In fact I was never entertained so much before. Welcome to  INFOSYS..:-))  We look forward to working with you..:-))
 

[pramanisa]

On walking into the factory, the MD noticed a young guy leaning
against the wall, doing nothing. He approached the young man and calmly said to him, How much do you earn?" The young man was quite amazed that he was asked such a personal question, he replied, none the less, "I earn $ 2 000.00 a month, Sir. Why?" Without answering, the MD took out his wallet and removed $ 6000.00 cash and gave it to the young man and said, "Around here I pay people for working, not for standing around looking pretty! Here is 3 months' salary, now GET OUT and don't come back". Noticing a Few onlookers, the MD said in a very upset manner, "And that applies for everybody in this company". He approached one of the onlookers and asked him, "Who's the young man that I just fired?"
To which an amazing reply came of, "He was the pizza delivery man, Sir!"

[pramanisa]

2 mendhak (frogs) jhil ke kinaare baithe huyein hote hain!
 
               kaafi der baadh 1 la mendhak kehta hain........
 
                                     tarr!
   
                  yeh sunke 2ra mendhak kehta hain.........
 
                                    tarr!
 
                                  SANNATA!
 
                       thodi der baadh................
 
                       1 la mendhak kehta hain............
 
                                     tarr!
 
                  to 2ra mendhak kehta hain.................
 
                                    tarr!
 
                                  FIR SANNATA!
   
                             bohot der baadh....
 
                   1 la mendhak kehta hain................
   
                                    tarr!
 
                 to 2ra mendhak kehta hain...................
 
                                    tarr!
 
                              FIR SE SANNATA..
 
                        Bohot der baadh.............
 
                  1 la mendhak kehta hain............
 
                                  tarr! tarr!
 
                      to 2ra mendhak kehta hain........
 
                        abey, topic mat change karr !

[pramanisa]

It's not the fault of the student if he fails, because
the yearONLY
has 365' days. Boring Lecture

Typical academic year for a student:

1. TV Sundays-52, Sundays in a year, you know Sundays
are for rest. Days left 313.

2. Melting Summer holidays-50 where weather is very
hot and difficult to study.Days left 263.

3. Sleepy 8 hours daily sleep- 130 days GONE. Days
left 141.

4. Swinging 2 1 hour for daily playing- (good for
health) means 15 days. Days left 126.

5. Munchy 2 hours daily for food & other delicacies
(chewing
properly & swallowing)-means 30days. Days left 96.

6. Gossip 1 hour for talking (man is a social
animal)-means
15 days. days left 81.

7. Cheater Exam days- per year at least 35 days. Days
left 46.

8.Presents  Quarterly, Half yearly and festival
(holidays)-40 days.Balance 6 days.

9. Sneezy For sickness- at least 3 days. Remaining
days=3.

10.Movie Theater Movies and functions - at least 2
days. 1 day left.

11. That 1 day is your birthday. Make A Wish
How can you study on that day???!!!!!!!!!!
Balance = 0
"How can a student pass ??"

[pramanisa]

An eccentric philosophy professor gave a 'one question final exam' after a semester dealing with a
broad array of topics.
 
The class was already seated and ready to go when the professor picked up his chair, plopped it
on his desk and wrote on the board:
"Using everything we have learned this semester, prove that this chair does not exist."
 
Fingers flew, erasers erased, notebooks were filled in furious fashion.
Some students wrote over 30 pages in one hour attempting to refute the existence of the chair.
One member of the class however, was up and finished in less than a minute.
 
Weeks later when the grades were posted, the rest of the group wondered how he could have
gotten an A when he had barely written anything at all.
 
His answer consisted of two words: "Which chair?"
 
"PEOPLE SEE THINGS THAT EXIST IN THIS WORLD AND ASK WHY?..
I DREAM OF THINGS THAT NEVER WERE AND ASK WHY NOT?"

[pramanisa]

Life before marriage is AIRTEL 
" u can express ur self ". 


  During honeymoon is RELIANCE- 
" Always get in Touch ". 


After Honeymoon is HUTCH 
" Wherever u go ur wife network follows". 


After one year Life is IDEA 
" ur wife can change ur life ". 


After 10 years Life is BSNL 
" Subscriber is not reachable "

[pramanisa]

What would happen, if earth starts rotating 30 times faster than it normally does?
 
 
Guess what?
 
 
Scroll down to see the answer............
 
 
 
Wait
 
 
Wait
 
 
Wait
 
 
Wait
 
 
We would get salary everyday. 

[pramanisa]

Smiling is infectious,
You catch it like the flu.
When someone smiled at me today,

I started smiling too.

I passed around the corner,
and someone saw my grin.

When he smiled I realized,
I'd passed it on to him.

I thought about that smile,
then I realized its worth.

A single smile just like mine,
could travel the earth.

So, if you feel a smile begin,
don't leave it undetected.

Let's start an epidemic quick,
and get the world infected!

[pramanisa]

He didn't like the casserole

And he didn't like my cake.

My biscuits were too hard...

Not like his mother used to make.


I didn't perk the coffee right

He didn't like the stew,

I didn't mend his socks

The way his mother used to do…


I pondered for an answer

I was looking for a clue.

Then I turned around and smacked him...


Like his Mother used to do.

[pramanisa]

A wife was very unhappy with her car and complained a lot to her husband:

"Buy me a surprise for my birthday" she said. "Something that accelerates from 0 too 100 in 4 seconds..."   And I would prefer a blue one please"!

Happy and excited she was counting down the days for her birthday.

And finally she got the beautiful present her husband thoughtfully bought............




guess what


weighing machine (blue in colour)

[pramanisa]

Teacher :What happened in 1869?
Student:Gandhi ji was born.
Teacher :What happened in 1873?
Student:Gandhiji was four years old.
 

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------




Question:What is the fullform of maths.
Anwser:Mentaly affected teachers harrasing students
 

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Teacher :Because of Gandhiji's hard work what do we get on 15th August.
Student:A holiday
 

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Teacher :Tomorrow there will be a lecture on Sun.Everyone must attend it.
Raju:No ma'm! I will not be able to attend it.
Teacher :Why?
Raju:My mother will not allow me to go so far!!!
 

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------


Teacher:"Can anyone give me an example of Coincidence?"
Johnny:"Sir, my mother and father got married on the same day same time."
 
Teacher: How old is ur father.
Sunny:As old as I am.
Teacher:How is it possible?
Sunny:He became father only after I was born.   (1st Rank)

-------------------------------------

Teacher:There is a frog,Ship is sinking,potatoes cost Rs 3/kg .Then,what is my age?
STUDENT:32 yrs.
Teacher:How do you know?
STUDENT:Well,my sister is 16 yrs old and she is half mad.
 

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------



Teacher: Where does God live?
Little boy: I think he lives in our bathroom.
Teacher: Why do you say that?
Little boy: Well, every morning my daddy bangs on the door and says, 'God, are you still in there?'
 

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------




Teacher:"What is your name?".
Student:"Mera naam Suraj Prakash hai."
Teacher:"When I ask aquestion in english,answer it in english."
Student:"My name is Sunlight."

[pramanisa]

 
Once PVNR (PV Narasimha Rao), L.K.Advani and Laloo Prasad Yadav were
traveling in an auto rickshaw. They met with an accident and all three
of them died. Yama Raja was waiting for this moment at the doorstep of
death.
 
He asks PVNR and Advani to go to HEAVEN.
 
But, for Laloo, Yama had already decided that he should be sent to
HELL.

 
Laloo is not at all happy with this decision.
 
He asks Yama is to why this discrimination is being made? All the three
of them had served the public.
 
Similarly, all took bribes, all misused public positions, etc. Then why
the differential treatment?
 
He felt that there should be a formal test or an objective evaluation
before a decision is made;
 
and should not be just asked on opinion or pre conceived notions.
 
Yama agrees to this and asks all the three of them to appear for an
English test.
 
PVNR is asked to spell "INDIA" and he does it correctly.
 
Advani is asked to spell "ENGLAND" and he too passes.
 
It is Laloo's turn and he is asked to spell "CZECHOSLOVAKIA".
 
Laloo protests that he doesn't know English.
 
He says this is not fair and that he was given a tough question and
thus
forced to fail with false intent.
 
Yama then agrees to conduct a written test in Hindi
 
(to give another chance assuming that Laloo should at least feel that
Hindi would provide an equal platform for all three).
 
PVNR is asked to write "KUTTA BOLA BHOW BHOW".
 
He writes it easily and Passes.
 
Advani is asked to write "BILLY BOLI MYAUN MYAUN".
 
He too passes.
 
Laloo is asked to write "BANDAR BOLA GURRRRRR....." Tough one.
 
He fails again.
 
Laloo is extremely unhappy. Having been a student of history
 
(which the other two weren't),
 
he now requested for all the 3 to be subjected to a test in history
 
Yama says OK but this would be the last chance and that he would not
take any more tests.
 
PVNR is asked: "When did India get Independence?".
 
He replied "1947" and passed.
 
Advani is asked "How many people died during the independence
struggle?".
 
He gets nervous.
 
Yama asked him to choose from 3 options:
 
100,000 or 200,000 or 300,000.
 
Advani catches it and says 200,000 and passes.
 
It's Laloo's turn now.
 
Yama asks him to give the Name and Address of each of the 200,000 who
died in the struggle.
 
Laloo accepts defeat and agrees to go to HELL.
 
The Moral of the story :
 

"IF YOUR MANAGEMENT HAS DECIDED TO SCREW YOU, THERE IS NO ESCAPE !!!"

[pramanisa]

1 DIN 1 DAKU 1 SARDAR KE GHAR MEIN GHUS GAYA AUR BOLA "SONA KAHAN HAI?"
SARDAR BOLA "ULLU KE PATTHE. PURA GHAR KHALI HAI, KAHIN BHI SOJA.."

**************************
AN ASTRONOMER WAS WATCHING THE SKY FROM TELESCOPE. A SARDAR WAS OBSERVING   HIM.
SUDDENLY A STAR FALLS. AFTER SEEING THAT SARDAR SAYS "WAH KYA NISHANA HAI".

**************************
SARDARJI'S SON : OYE PAPAJI.... BAHAR DARWAJE PAR KOI SWIMING POOL KE LIYE
DONATION MANG RAHA HAI....
SARDAR : PUTTAR , USKO EK LOTA PAANI DE DE...

**************************
SARDAR "YAAR! YE MURGI KE BACHE ANDE TODKAR BAHR KAISE AA JATE HAI?"
2ND SARDAR : "OYE! PEHLE MANU YE BATA YE BAND ANDE ME GHUS KAISE JATE HAI."


**************************
SARDAR NE BIWI SEY POOCHA : "AAJ THO CHICKEN BAHUTH TASTY HAI..KUCH KHAS
MASALA LAGAYA KYA?"
BIWI : "KUCH NAHI. THODI SI JAL GAYEE THI... ISLIYE BURNOL CREAM LAGAYA...."

[pramanisa]

There was a Japanese man who went to India for sightseeing. On the last day, he hired a cab and told the driver to drive to the Airport.

During the journey, a Honda drove past the taxi.

Thereupon, the man leaned out of the window excitedly and yelled, "Honda, very fast! Made in Japan!.

"After a while, a Toyota sped past the taxi, again, the Japanese man leaned out of the window and yelled, "Toyota, very fast! Made in Japan!"

And then a Mitsubishi sped past the taxi. For the third time, the Japanese leaned out of the window and yelled, "Mitsubishi, very fast! Made in Japan!"

The driver was a little angry, but he kept quiet.

And this went on for quite a number of cars.

Finally, the taxi came to the airport.The fare was 800 rupees. The Japanese exclaimed, "What??... so expensive!"

There upon, the driver yelled back,

 

 

 

 

 

 

"Meter, very fast! Made in India!"

[pramanisa]

Little Bobby came into the kitchen where his mother was making dinner.
His birthday was coming up and he thought this was a good time to tell his
mother what he wanted.
"Mom, I want a bike for my birthday." Little Bobby was a bit of a
troublemaker.
He had gotten into trouble at school and at home. Bobby's mother asked him
if he thought he deserved to get a bike for his birthday. Little Bobby, of course, thought he did.

Bobby's mother wanted Bobby to reflect on his behavior over the last year.
"Go to your room, Bobby, and think about how you have behaved this year.

Then write a letter to God and tell him why you deserve a bike for your
birthday." Little Bobby stomped up the steps to his room and sat down to
write God a letter.

Letter 1
Dear God,
I have been a very good boy this year and I would like a bike for my
birthday. I want a red one.
Your friend,
Bobby

Bobby knew that this wasn't true. He had not been a very good boy this year,
so he tore up the letter and started over.

Letter 2
Dear God,
This is your friend Bobby. I have been a good boy this year and I would like
a red bike for my birthday.
Thank you.
Your friend Bobby

Bobby knew that this wasn't true either. So, he tore up the letter and
started again.

Letter 3
Dear God,
I have been an "OK "boy this year. I still would really like a bike for my
birthday.
Bobby

Bobby knew he could not send this letter to God either. So, Bobby wrote a
fourth letter.

Letter 4
God,
I know I haven't been a good boy this year. I am very sorry. I will be a
good boy if you just send me a bike for my birthday. Please!
Thank you,
Bobby

Bobby knew, even if it was true, this letter was not going to get him a
bike.



Now, Bobby was very upset. He went downstairs and told his mom that he
wanted to go to church. Bobby's mother thought her plan had worked, as Bobby
looked very sad.
"Just be home in time for dinner," Bobby's mother told him.


Bobby walked down the street to the church on the corner. Little Bobby went
into the church and up to the altar. He looked around to see if anyone was
there. Bobby bent down and picked up a statue of the Mary. He slipped
the statue under his shirt and ran out of the church, down the street, into
the house, and up to his room. He shut the door to his room and sat down
with a piece of paper and a pen. Bobby began to write his letter to God.

Letter 5
God,
I'VE KIDNAPPED YOUR MAMA. IF YOU WANT TO SEE HER AGAIN,
SEND THE BIKE! !!!!!!!!!