Spiritual Humor

[OmSaiRamNowOn]

Q: Why did it take the Buddha forever to vacuum his sofa?

A: Because he didn't have any attachments.

[OmSaiRamNowOn]

How to you make God laugh?
Tell him your plans.

[OmSaiRamNowOn]

THE POSITIVE SIDE OF LIFE:    

Living on Earth is expensive,
but it does include a free trip
around the sun every year.
 
Ever notice that the people who are late
are often much jollier
than the people who have to wait for them?

We could learn a lot from crayons:

some are sharp, some are pretty,
some are dull, some have weird names,
and all are different colors....but
they all exist very nicely in the same box.

[Ramesh Ramnani]

Installing Love

Customer Service: Can you install Love?

Customer: I can do that. I?m not very technical, but I think I?m ready to install now. What do I do first?

Service: The first step is to open your Heart. Have you located your Heart?

Customer: Yes, I have, but there are several programs running right now. Is it okay to install while they are running?

Service: What programs are running?

Customer: Let me see? I have Pasthurt.exe, Lowesteem.exe, Grudge.exe and Resentment.com running right now.

Service: No problem. Love will automatically erase Pasthurt.exe from your current operating system. It may remain in your permanent memory, but it will no longer disrupt other programs. Love will eventually overwrite Lowesteem.exe whit a module of its own, called Highesteem.exe. However, you have to completely turn off Grudge.exe and Resentment.com. Those programs prevent Love from being properly installed.

Can you turn those off?

Customer: I don?t know how to turn them off. Can you tell me how?

Service: My pleasure. Go to your Start menu and invoke Forgiveness.exe. Do this as many times as necessary until Grudge.exe and Resentment.com have been completely erased.

Customer: Okay, I?m done. Love has started installing itself automatically. Is that normal?

Service: Yes it is. You should receive a message that says it will reinstall for the life of your Heart. Do you see that message?

Customer: Yes I do. Is it completely installed?

Service: Yes, but remember that you have only the base program. You need to begin connecting to other Hearts to get the upgrades.

Customer: Oops? I have an error message already. What should I do?

Service: What does the message say?

Customer: It says ?Error 412 ? Program not run on internal components.?

What does that mean?

Service: Don?t worry, that?s a common problem. It means that the Love program is set up to run on external Hearts but has not yet been running on your Heart. It is one of those complicated programming things, but in non-technical terms it means that you have to ?love? your own machine before it can ?love? others.

Customer: So what should I do?

Service: Can you find the directory called ?Self-acceptance??

Customer: Yes, I have it.

Service: Excellent, you are getting good at this.

Customer: Thank you.

Service: You?re welcome. Click on the following files and then copy them to the ?Myheart? directory: Forgiveself.doc, Selfesteem.txt, Realizeworth.txt and Goodness.doc. The system will overwrite conflicting files and begin patching any faulty programming. Also, you need to delete ?Selfcriticize.exe? from all directories, and then empty your recycle bin afterwards to make sure it is completely gone and never comes back.

Customer: Got it! Wow! My Heart is filling up with really neat files. Smile.mpg is playing on my monitor right now, and it shows that Warmth.com, Peace.exe and Contentment.com are copying themselves all over my Heart!

Service: Then Love is installed and running. You should be able to handle it from here. One more thing before I go?

Customer: Yes?

Service: Love is freeware. Be sure to give it and its various modules to everybody you are meeting. They will in turn share it with other people, and they will return some really neat modules back to you.

Customer: I will. Thank you for your help.

Service: You?re very welcome.

[OmSaiRamNowOn]

A grandson was visiting one day when he asked,
"Grandma, do you know how you and God are alike?"
I mentally polished my halo while I asked, "No, how
are we alike?"
"You're both old," he replied.

[OmSaiRamNowOn]

The Sunday School Teacher asks, "Now, Johnny, tell me frankly do you say prayers before eating?" "No sir," little Johnny replies, "I don't have to. My Mom is a good cook."

[OmSaiRamNowOn]

What makes God laugh?
When a doctor tells his patient: "I cured you"

[OmSaiRamNowOn]

Two men meet on the street.
One asks the other: "Hi, how are you?"
The other ones replies: "I'm fine, thanks."
"And how's your son? Is he still unemployed?"
"Yes, he is. But he is meditating now."
"Meditating? What's that?"
"I dont know. But it's better than sitting around and do nothing!"

[OmSaiRamNowOn]

Adding two more lines to "installing love" humor above -

Customer Svc forgot that love gets corrupted sometimes by wordly viruses and needs to be cleansed with spiritual love which is an UPGRADE! Ofcourse, once Spiritual LOVE is installed, it's immune to anything even self-destruction!

[OmSaiRamNowOn]

A little boy was overheard praying: "Lord, if you
can't make me a better boy, don't worry about it. I'm
having a real good time like I am."

[happysai]

OM SAIRAM

[OmSaiRamNowOn]

An aspiring Yogi wanted to find a Guru. He went to an Ashram and his preceptor told him: You can stay here but we have one important rule - all students observe Mouna or vow of silence. You will be allowed to speak in 12 years. After practicing for 12 long years Yoga Asanas, Meditation, a lot of Karma Yoga, etc., the day came when the student could say his one thing or ask his one question.
He said: "The bed is too hard."
He kept going for another 12 years of hard Sadhana and austere discipline and got the opportunity to speak again. He said: "The food is not good."
Twelve more years of hard work and he got to speak again. Here are his words after 36 years of practice: "I quit."
His Guru quickly answered: "Good, all you have been doing anyway is complaining."

[OmSaiRamNowOn]

Man to God : "O Lord, I want peace".
God to Man : "When you remove yourself of 'I' and the 'want' you will automatically have peace."

[OmSaiRamNowOn]

This fellow was climbing a tree when suddenly he slipped. He grabbed a branch and was hanging there. After an hour or so passed, he was feeling exhausted. He looked up to the heavens and cried out: "God, help me, please, help me."
Suddenly the clouds parted and a deep voice resounded, "Let Go!"
The guy paused and looked up at heaven once more, and said: "Is there anyone else up there?"

[OmSaiRamNowOn]

Having trouble sleeping? Try counting your blessings.